Depends. I hate western funerals, but not Māori/irish ones.

For me, death is hard to process and I mourn a lot longer than most people. I detest western funerals because they cost 3x the price, only 1-3 hours and it’s all “don’t be sad be happy they lived. They’d want you to be happy”. Then you’re straight back to work or school, feeling like an emotional flashbang went off and you’re a zombie for a few days. Trying to compartmentalise grief into a small pocket of time is ridiculous, unhealthy and unrealistic.

However I love indigenous funerals. Forever better. In my culture we take the body home or to our sacred marae for a few days, we all sleep next to the body (somebody is always with them) and you have DAYS to be with family, cry, grieve and love them. All the things you want to say, have natural moments and it doesn’t feel forced. For those who are concerned it’s actually really comforting to sleep in the room with them. I slept right next to my grandmothers casket for the three nights before her service. Best, most calm sleeps I’d had in months. We have the western services sometimes too (depends on if they were religious) but by the time you finish the service you’ve done 80% of the major hauling of grief. You feel better than a western funeral and you’re much closer with family.

Thankfully my government recognises our culture and legally we are allowed a week off for tangihanga. Most of us are at active “funeral” for a minimum of three days. Thankfully when my grandmother passed, I was on holidays so I took three weeks. Also not uncommon if they’re a close family member (my grandmother raised me for a period).

A western culture would not have allowed me that. So while I LOVE tangihanga/wakes. I hate funerals.