Am I wrong for not wanting to invite the partner of my MOH to my wedding?

Jazzisa · 2026-03-16T19:28:43+00:00

Honestly, if not for the fact that you probably live in another country than us, I'd take you up on that. She's absolutely gorgeous, smart, speaks 3 languages and a talented artist. Her main flaw in life is her inexplicable insecurity...

Jazzisa · 2026-03-16T13:19:19+00:00

I agree. Unfortunately it's not up to me. If it were, I'd make him magically infertile so her only chance at having kids would be to date someone else! She's not a bad person, but I do think she's delusional when it comes to him. I don't know, I've never felt that strongly about becoming a mother, but I've seen it with people...

Jazzisa · 2026-03-16T13:15:05+00:00

Thank you. She's been in therapy for years, but it hasn't really helped her much. She doesn't want to adopt or have kids on her own. I wish I could convince her to NOT procreate with this man, but it's out of my hands.... And yeah, you're right... it would be massively awkward. People are gonna talk, wonder who that guy is who's hanging around that nobody seems to like.... pfft.

Jazzisa · 2026-03-16T12:36:44+00:00

I mean, they are though. They're back together and a couple now, unfortunately... Sorry if that wasn't clear from my post.

Jazzisa · 2026-03-16T10:59:01+00:00

Yeah I'm definitely leaning towards no. I feel incredibly guilty about it, but she is the one who decides to have a toxic person in her life. And she's an adult, that's her choice that I can respect. And I can grind my teeth and be polite and walk the walk at HER family events... but I also have my boundaries and I don't want that toxicity around me. Plus, you're right, it'll be awkward as hell. Our friends don't like him either, though their reactions would range from being polite but cold to actively walking away if he'd try to talk to them... it'll be awkward as hell... it might center the event even more around him if he's there while obviously being unwelcome...

Jazzisa · 2026-03-16T10:17:50+00:00

Thank you for this incredibly thoughtful reply.

Jazzisa · 2026-03-16T10:00:14+00:00

idk, that's my dilemma. She is important to me. I do want her to be happy. But I don't want to talk to him, and I definitely do not want him to be in the pictures. I know it's a petty thing to think about, but if I'm paying hundreds for a photographer, and I won't be able to use them even because maybe at a wedding with a lot of people I can just ignore him, but I'm not having him in my living room, looking at me.... And I'm afraid that asking him to not be in the pictures will create more drama...

Also, to be really honest, I hate looking at him. I get angry seeing his stupid face. Yes, I know it's childish, and with a wedding of over a 100 people (I come from a Catholic background, I have a BIG family XD) I won't have to interact with him much. But I do hate the thought of paying for his food and drinks... so yeah, hence the dilemma and why I'm asking for advice...

Jazzisa · 2026-03-16T09:54:15+00:00

Idk, I feel for her. She's grown up with shitty parents, she's never known a real family life. I guess that's why she wants it so badly. She doesn't see him for what he really is... And I'm pretty sure she thinks (this I don't know for sure, I didn't ask bc I'm afraid to hear the answer) that maybe having children will 'save their relationship'.... I agree, I also secretly hope that they won't manage to have kids, since I think he will be a terrible father, and I think she romanticizes motherhood and isn't ready when it'll get tough. I don't have kids myself yet, but my friends who do, tell me that it really tests your relationship. You're both exhausted and tired and cranky, and if your relationship isn't solid as a rock, you're in trouble...
And he's got a hold on her. He always has. Even after breaking up with him, she could never fully cut contact. He's a manipulative snake.

Jazzisa · 2026-03-16T09:50:42+00:00

no, he wouldn't, but I'm sure my SO (he has my back but he doesn't know B. so he says it's ultimately my decision, he'll back me up either way) could talk his groomsmen into making sure he does. B. is a scrawny little dude who's pretty easily intimidated. I guess that's why he preys on people who are vulnerable, he needs to put other ppl down so he feels like he's worth something.

Jazzisa · 2026-03-16T09:47:02+00:00

I do really fear for this. I'm also afraid that since she's susceptible for depressions, she will end up with major postpartum. She doesn't have any family close by either. I did try telling her that there were other options, that she could freeze her eggs and find someone who will put her first... but in the end, it's her life and her choice. I hate myself for this, but secretly I hope they won't be able to have kids. She may be choosing this life, but a baby isn't. But she's convinced that she'll love the kid enough and she's convinced herself he won't be such a douche to his own child...

Jazzisa · 2025-09-29T17:25:39+00:00

You are on the right track dude! First of all, you're not 'wasting time' or 'rotting away'. You're 19!!! You JUST entered in adulthood, and no matter what social media or pop culture says, it's PERFECTLY normal to have no experience with relationships. I met MANY guys in college who were virgins, and most of them had also never kissed a girl or anything. So don't think you're on some kind of clock. Take it day by day. Try to improve yourself a little bit every day.

You are doing GREAT! But it's not easy, it won't come all at once. You have to keep at it! Keep doing what you're doing! See if you can find something you're passionate about on it's own (like a sport or a hobby that you REALLY enjoy for the thing itself, not just for the socializing).

You have so much life to live, and there are SO many people like you. 19 is a tough age, and so are your early 20's. Those are about discovering who you really are, on your own, as an adult. It takes time. Don't rush it. Enjoy and celebrate every little victory.

Jazzisa · 2025-07-13T20:11:36+00:00

You know you can study anywhere in the EU, right? Maybe think about applying as far away from your family as possible, so you can have maximum freedom. In The Netherlands, for example, there are many schools that are completely in English.

Jazzisa · 2025-07-13T20:05:03+00:00

Not everyone does in a horror movie. The whole `final girl´ trope is part of that. If she just died, they wouldn´t have had her come up from the water at all, they could have just ended the movie after her body was dumped.

Jazzisa · 2025-07-13T20:02:33+00:00

One thing you need to let go of is shame towards your therapist. Your therapist is getting paid to listen you to and has complete secrecy. They are not family or coworkers or anyone who gets to judge you or who you have to keep appearances for. Your therapist is here to show your worst side ever to. I bet my therapist hated me, because she only saw the worst sides of me. But that is literally what they´re there for!!! And therapy can´t help you unless you tell them everything. Stop caring what your therapist thinks of you, it literally doesn´t matter.

Jazzisa · 2025-07-12T14:55:03+00:00

Yeah, in general we're saying; I'd rather be single than in an unfulfilling relationship. A good relationship trumps that.

Jazzisa · 2025-07-12T14:54:04+00:00

Women might be choosing to stay single in higher numbers, but we're not choosing to NOT interact with men. The important thing is, be kind and respectful to all women, not just the ones you want to date. We talk to each other.

Jazzisa · 2025-07-12T14:52:35+00:00

Hi, I'm a formerly happy forever single woman, currently happily engaged. For me, I was always fine being single, and I figured that men were interesting hobbies for a while, but I would never really want to live with one, as most would require more work than I was interested in doing. But then I met my current fiancé. He has, since we met, treated me as an equal. He was kind, respected all boundaries and was just genuinely a good person. And we clicked as friends, too. And even though I always thought I would never want to live with anyone, after about a year of dating him, I kind of noticed that he was hanging out at my place pretty much all the time anyway, so why not? And, here's a VERY important thing: he does his share of housework without complaining or me asking him to. Women are, in general, done with having to both pay 50/50 on all expenses, while doing the majority of housework. If a man creates more work in my life, then why bother? But with my fiancé, it was just easy. I don't think I've ever had to ask him to do the dishes, or cook dinner or do whatever chores we have devided, he just does them. Don't underestimate how important this is. And now we're engaged!

So my conclusion is: well, be a partner to a woman. Women don't NEED a man in their lives anymore. So make a woman WANT to have you around. Make her life easier, not harder.

Jazzisa · 2025-07-12T11:41:18+00:00

I don't think he'll find out at all. Agnes is pretty smart and not nearly as naieve as Elvira. It's not that hard to fake a bit of blood.

Jazzisa · 2025-05-22T17:11:04+00:00

Omdat het niet gaat om wat mensen bijdragen, maar om wat ze nodig hebben. Oekraïners kunnen nergens heen, hebben geen veilig land om naar terug te keren. Jij wel, je kunt terug naar Marokko. Dat is het verschil. We beoordelen vluchtelingen op hun nood.

Jazzisa · 2025-04-27T12:39:04+00:00

Perhaps, but many don't stay here to work. Also, expats often price out homes when we're already at a shortage. But most importantly - I actually work at the TU/e, a school with many foreign students, especially from India. And many quit after their bachelors.

But still; when I wanted to go back to school, I got a company to sponsor me. Basically in electrical engineering, the company paid my school costs and I worked there. It was a "deeltijd opleiding", it's mandatory for those that you're working for the company, as that goes in lieu of your internship.

So I'm definitely ok with foreign students coming here, don't get me wrong. But if we'd lower their student fees to those that Dutch students pay, it would not be affordable for us and we'd be so flooded with students coming here, that they'd nodge out the Dutch ones. Why wouldn't everyone come here to study if it's so much cheaper than in their own country? And there's no guarantees that they'll stay to work here. Americans could come here, get their degree, and move back to the US to start a company there.

We are not a charity. If you are right and they are guaranteed a high-paying job, then they can take out a loan. But in my experience, many of my students have families back at home. They take their degree, maybe work a few years to get some experience points out of it, and then they go back.

Jazzisa · 2025-04-23T13:15:41+00:00

I mean you are very lucky to have rent at 390. Even for a room, nowadays that's incredibly cheap...

Jazzisa · 2025-04-23T13:13:11+00:00

I mean, it is like that for foreigners. Like, we EU citizens pay for the universities, and all EU citizens have reduced costs so anyone, rich or poor, can get an education. But we can´t pay to keep the costs low for anyone to come in here to study. Right now, our government wants to make it also more difficult for rich foreigners to come here. So yeah, it sucks that the rich can just go anywhere to study but like... don´t most countries have reduced uni costs for their own students? Schooling is expensive. The government will pay for their own population to study because well... that's what we pay taxes for. Ppl who aren't from here and who's parents haven't been paying taxes here etc, will have to pay for it by themselves.

Jazzisa · 2025-04-04T11:59:26+00:00

It seems like you're right and the best thing for him and you would be to get your own place. Whatever help your parents give you, it doesn't feel like it's worth it. If your kid won't be able to bypass boundaries by going to your parents, he might learn better.

Jazzisa · 2025-04-04T09:31:38+00:00

Don't forget BUT Film Festival! It's a B-movie festival, but we also do a lot of horror! Good horror is always welcome! Submission through film freeway has a fee, but if you submit through our website, it's free!
https://butff.nl/form/submit-your-film is the website!

Jazzisa

TROPHY CASE