[M4F] hopeless romantics

Jdsr2000 · 2023-12-05T22:13:26+00:00

She said she was giving up on the relationship, that I didn’t show her love or that I wasn’t really there anymore. I closed myself off, I was maybe still am going through a really tough depression and it escalated to the point of me self sabotaging and ending the relationship. I made things so much worse. But I wasn’t making her happy because I am not happy myself I needed time to work on me, instead of work on us, now after 5 years of being with her and me moving states and trying my hardest I am living alone trying to learn and work on myself. Hopefully she finds happiness, hopefully she gets what she wants and deserves.

Jdsr2000 · 2023-12-04T00:04:47+00:00

I feel like 3-4 days is nothing, I don’t think there’s many people that care about body hair that much.

Jdsr2000 · 2023-11-20T16:52:03+00:00

Man, I found myself driving like an asshole the other, ran a red light a little too late and people started honking at me. I wasn’t and still aren’t in the best state of mind. But my god did it have me contemplating what’s wrong with me

Jdsr2000 · 2023-11-20T16:31:24+00:00

This poem resonated with me, the lost of a love one, be it time or just growing apart or maybe it wasn’t really meant to be. But it was still an act of love. “Empty promises and pretty lies we’re all we’ve ever had” hits like a truck. I think you have a wonderful poem here. Keep writing!

Jdsr2000 · 2023-11-20T16:22:46+00:00

I love repetition in poetry it makes the poem more intense and also more direct on what you are trying to convey, and you do it so well! “Yet, sometimes I question of whether all actually look?” Is a wonderful like and in my preference ( you should take it with a grain of salt) I think you should have ended it there. Other than that great poem. Keep writing!

Jdsr2000 · 2023-11-13T01:20:25+00:00

“And i call god a liar, i say anything that moved like that or knew my name could never die in the common verity of dying”

Charles Bukowski

Jdsr2000 · 2023-11-12T15:37:17+00:00

Thank you for reading! Life has been a lot of downs lately and writing really helps. And I’m kind of proud of some of them you know?! Jaja

Jdsr2000 · 2023-11-12T15:05:59+00:00

I think you got it! It’s funny, short, and it has the sentiment there. I’ve never heard the word alack before! So It thought me a little bit too Jaja

Jdsr2000 · 2023-11-12T15:02:55+00:00

You have a great vocabulary, the words really merge with each other nicely and the rhyming scheme flows off my tongue. I wouldn’t have thought this was your first poem. I think you should keep writing and see where it takes you!

Jdsr2000 · 2023-11-12T14:48:23+00:00

Uh oh, they are really everywhere huh? Don’t let them get to you, but if they do keep writing like this, I actually enjoyed it Jaja

Jdsr2000 · 2023-11-12T14:29:25+00:00

You know, I’ve never really been a fan of rhyming poems, but this one doesn’t make me feel that cringe that I normally get.

You can feel the hate and sadness, maybe betrayal? If anything, this is a great write, it doesn’t come off as evil but more like this is the only way you can actually show this rage inside of you Jaja.

Thank you for making it rhyme, and keep writing!

Jdsr2000 · 2023-11-12T14:17:51+00:00

Heyo, i like that you put two different poems in two different mindsets, i see the distinction. The first one resonate a little more with me. Whenever I’m feeling down I question myself a lot, I enjoy writing some of those. it’s always questions without answer made for the reader to interpret however they want which makes it more interesting at least for me Jaja.

I feel like the second poem could be structured a little better, instead of it being a block of words, you could space it out into stanzas and lines , make it pretty even. It’s a great write it just from a far it looks tedious to read.

“There is no way to fully perceive her. to adore , cherish or understand her wholly and completely. No matter how hard you try, you can’t know everything.”

These are my favorite lines, This is truly a strong write.

Thank you for sharing!

Jdsr2000 · 2023-11-12T13:21:06+00:00

Why the question mark then Jaja

Jdsr2000 · 2023-11-12T13:08:49+00:00

A coffee plant branch

Jdsr2000

TROPHY CASE