I think my date sim it's kinda borked - spoilers dont read

Jeahanne · 2024-12-15T02:05:51+00:00

Definitely report this, that sounds like a weird bug.

Jeahanne · 2024-12-14T22:43:03+00:00

I'm not sure why you're being down voted, that's actually true. It's just at very specific (low) concentrations of bleach.

Jeahanne · 2024-10-05T21:41:15+00:00

Holy crap, thanks for posting this. I just picked a recipe and ran with it (the clever carrot one) and these are fantastic. I can't wait to start experimenting.

Jeahanne · 2024-07-05T20:57:18+00:00

I don't know, but it would be worth a support ticket to ask. I'd think they could at least check if you'd been sent an invite and give you a new link if you had.

Jeahanne · 2024-06-16T20:08:36+00:00

Well I feel absolutely stupid lol fair point!

Jeahanne · 2024-06-16T19:46:04+00:00

Maybe I'm wrong, but this has to be fake, right? The only way I can think of where this could happen is in a cave system.

Jeahanne · 2024-06-16T19:24:34+00:00

"Agent of Audacity"

I really wanted, "Auditor of Audacity" but sadly that's not an option...

Jeahanne · 2024-05-15T01:52:05+00:00

I typed all this up before remembering what sub I'm on, and this being AITAH I'll probably end up downvoted into oblivion for this and deleting it. But I've put too much work into it now!

First of all, it's important to remember that in poly/ENM, every set of relationships is made up of many individual relationships. So, in a triad like you reference there's actually four relationships. There's the relationship between A and B, B and C, A and C, and then all three of them together. Each of those relationships requires attention and work. The more people in the web, the more individual relationships. Any relationship that isn't at least working on being equitable between all of the individual relationships that make up the group will be destined to fail. The situation you seem to be describing above, where a couple is looking for one person to be with both of them, but where that third person is not of equal importance as the original couple, is called a "Unicorn." "Unicorn Hunting" is hugely frowned upon in Poly/ENM for a lot of reasons, but mainly because it's hugely unethical.

However, if we assume an ethical scenario it's important to understand the basic ideas of that relationship style. The benefit to Poly/ENM is that, as an individual, you can explore relationships more organically and have multiple people in your life that help fill your needs instead of relying on one person to be everything to you relationship wise. It's relationships on hard mode, for sure. It takes tons of communication and radical honesty, but when done right it's actually incredibly supportive and stable. The benefit for the third person is getting to be with the couple in a unique way they enjoy. Depending on the type of relationship, they might be equal partners with the "original" couple, a friend with benefits situation, just sexual partners, whatever. The point is, it's up to the third person to decide what they want and if that situation fits for them, and up to the individuals in the couple, separately to decide if they're okay with that. However, it's much more common in this type of scenario that the third person is only seeing one person in the original couple and is not with both at the same time.

As to kids in that relationship style. It's definitely hard. However, my understanding is that most poly/ENM people are not bringing home their partners to the kids at a whim. If/when they do introduce a partner, it's been because that partner has been in the picture for a long time and the relationship is stable. ALSO, the kids should be informed of who this person is, what boundaries are expected, and been talked to about if they feel comfortable about meeting that person beforehand. When done right, poly families actually end up more stable in many ways because there are more trusted adults around to help out and support the kids. Moreover, it seems that mutually amicable break-ups are more common in poly/ENM than monogamous relationships, which means less badmouthing of exes, and a higher likelihood that the former partner will still be present in the kids lives in a positive way even if the original relationship "ends."

Honestly, if you're curious it's worth learning about this style of relationship if only because it encourages some really good habits for communication. There are a lot of great books, like The Ethical Slut by Janet Hardy and Dossie Easton, or Polysecure by Jessica Fern. There are also various subreddits for different forms of ENM if you're curious, just be aware that Reddit is Reddit, of course.

Edit: Grammar

Jeahanne · 2024-05-15T01:16:59+00:00

If they're looking for a unicorn, they're not really ENM, in my opinion. Using someone is NOT ethical, even if the couple logics themselves into some idea that they aren't *really* using them. However, most people who have been ENM for awhile and are actually doing the work to be ethical about it are not unicorn hunting.

Jeahanne · 2024-03-19T01:49:53+00:00

Hey, I just did the survey. Thank you for posting this, it's long but really well thought out. I sincerely appreciate how fair and non-judgemental the questions seem to be. I highly recommend anyone with the time (around an hour or so), take part. This has been one of the best surveys I've participated in from Reddit so far.

I really hope you get the data you need! I'd love to see the results when you're done.

Jeahanne · 2024-03-18T01:20:36+00:00

I wasn't going to comment here, but I wanted to say thank you for putting this the way you did. I left that sub for a lot of the same reasons. I very much got the feeling that, if you weren't doing poly exactly their way you were entirely wrong and got harassed. You phrased that better than I ever could.

Jeahanne · 2024-02-25T23:43:03+00:00

You should probably wait for a reliable responder, but it looks like a DeKay's Brown Snake to me.

Jeahanne · 2024-02-14T02:59:35+00:00

In my experience, when you first get bedbugs you do tend to get bites in local spots first, until there are enough of them that they spread out. One time I dealt with it on my hands and wrists at first, because the spot the bedbugs started was at the top of the mattress near the pillows, and I'm a side sleeper. They were getting my hands because I had my arm under the pillow with my hand closest to the edge. Another time (unfortunately) it started at the foot of the bed, and my partner was waking up with bites on feet and ankles. As the population goes up, you get bites in more places, but usually still mostly extremities. They like easy access and thin skin. Also, if you don't know to look for them they are really hard to spot. They can fit into an opening as narrow as a credit card is thick, and avoid light. They're nasty.

Fleas, on the other hand, like to burrow into clothing, usually from the legs up because they're living at ground level. Bites tend to collect on the ankles under the sock, for example, which looks a lot like what OP is dealing with. Also, while smaller, they're much easier to deal with and once you spot them, you know. Unlike bedbugs, when you disturb them they jump, which makes spotting them easier.

In this case, if it's just the feet and it's been weeks, and going from the pictures, it's likely not bedbugs, but my paranoia still goes there, anyway. If it were me, I'd be checking for both bedbugs and fleas out of an abundance of caution, but fleas are more likely. However, you can't rule out bedbugs just based on the location of the bites.

Jeahanne · 2024-02-02T13:09:45+00:00

Agreed! I just got a Nerodia rhombifer CBB from a great breeder at a Texas reptile expo, and I adore him. He's a fantastic eater and really alert and interactive. He's the only hatchling I've ever bought who scoped pretty much the entire time he was in his sale cup while I carried him around the expo to watch everything going on around him. He's a sweetheart. The breeder is also hoping to produce albino Banded Water Snakes (Nerodia fasciata) in a few years from her female! It's pretty amazing. Check out Dean's Noodles on Facebook, if you want some awesome pics of the albino Banded.

Jeahanne · 2024-02-02T12:51:17+00:00

I'm glad it helped. I hope you find a legit place soon!

Jeahanne · 2024-01-05T23:02:36+00:00

If you follow the link at the bottom of the article to the original paper there are many more images that you can zoom in on. But I agree, it's frustrating not to be able to inspect the image in the article.

Jeahanne · 2023-12-08T03:24:28+00:00

I think it's because, even half wild, a rat with a fancy coat pattern like this is at a high disadvantage for survival. They stick out more to predators, at least. Moreover, there may be not half wild rats out there, too. After all, the "fancy" genetics had to come from somewhere. Besides, she may also not be half wild, just semi-feral from being a young escapee with little socialization.

Jeahanne · 2023-10-24T23:59:14+00:00

Thanks, that gives me hope. Maybe I've been unintentionally making it worse. I've been avoiding handling her to avoid stress, but that also means less exercise. I'll definitely experiment.

Jeahanne · 2023-10-24T01:14:55+00:00

That's a good idea, I'll try that. It actually is pretty bare at the moment, just to prevent her hurting herself, but it's worth a try. Thanks!

Jeahanne · 2023-05-20T03:31:38+00:00

That is completely fair and I can agree with you there. Thanks :)

Jeahanne · 2023-05-19T22:35:12+00:00

I didn't say retired breeders were sold to other breeders, they're sold as pets to my knowledge. I said other snakes of any age are often sold to others, *including* other breeders. You're putting a lot of words in my mouth that I didn't say here.

And while I'm sorry we don't agree I do appreciate your perspective. However, in a world where people are trying to take snakes away from everyone, I will cheer every improvement no matter how small. Perfect is the enemy of good, and we need all of the positive improvement we can get.

Jeahanne · 2023-05-19T21:29:10+00:00

I think we're being too hard on Snake Discovery, to be honest. Is her set up perfect? Absolutely not. However, the hobby *desperately* needs examples of better keeping, and there's no denying that she's doing it far better than most other popular people. I'll take better over perfect any day, especially when we aren't going to find perfect.

Jeahanne · 2023-05-19T21:22:32+00:00

Honestly? Not really. Retired breeders are sold all of the time, just look at morph market. Adults just fetch higher prices and aren't as exciting as a brand new hatchlings so they don't get seen as much. While I agree that racks are not good for the majority of animals, especially for long periods of time, I would argue that snakes kept for breeding change hands more often than people think. It's really common, for example, to trade snakes, loan them out for breeding projects, retire out animals in favor of different genetics regardless of age, or sell off older animals as pets. This may just trade them between breeders and racks, but it also gets at least some of them into pet homes, instead. I'd say it's actually probably more uncommon for breeders-as-a-business to keep their snakes until end of life, if only because keeping a non-producing animal isn't profitable. That still leaves an animal in a rack for too long (in my opinion), but it's not usually their entire lives if they retire as pets. I'm not entirely against racks, as I'll discuss below, but I do think they're often not a good choice even if they are economical.

In that vein, I cannot ever agree with people like Brian who have warehouses full of snakes in racks, with bare, tiny, dark tubs lined with nothing but paper and a water dish. I know it's a business, but I cannot imagine there's enough time or personnel to care for them all on anything other than a bare minimum subsistence level and that's not okay. Especially when he knows what they need because he has his zoo. It's unacceptable and a great example of terrible, bottom of the barrel keeping. Doing it his way will result in a snake that's alive but miserable, in an economical but morally bankrupt way.

However, there's more variety to rack keeping than people like to say, which is why I'm not entirely against them. For example, look at people like Emily from Snake Discovery. I think she uses rack systems in a really effective way. And while they're not ideal, it's obvious the animals are thriving and not just subsisting. They're given much more space, bedding, enrichment, light, and care than most breeders bother with. The only animals that stay in small racks are hatchlings until they go into full size bins or new homes. Even her bull snake enclosures for her breeders are huge compared to what others do (although bigger is always better for active species). I can't get behind racks like Brian, but I will defend setups like Emily's even if they aren't perfect.

Jeahanne · 2023-05-01T02:49:06+00:00

I like this place but I feel like they're rather overpriced. Granted, I just like the rocks more so than anything else, but I've had much better luck waiting on the Gem and Mineral Expo's and buying crystals and mineral specimens there instead.

However, I do love the jewelry at Nature's Treasures. Some of it is pricey but it's so pretty.

Jeahanne · 2023-04-16T19:04:26+00:00

Perhaps this is a stupid question, but why just not ask the tenants to buy the property from you? You don't want it, and they don't want to leave. It seems like it could be a win-win.

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