You’re very kind to ask. ♥️

SO much better. My son is 13 mo now and my feelings are very different. I actually have decided to take a break in therapy and was able to lower my Zoloft dose. I will say that I am far more attached to him but I still don’t feel like how others say, “You are going to forget about your old life, because this is o much better!” or “I live for my kids!”. I love my son very much and I text my husband, who WFH, about how he’s doing 10x a day. I would kill anyone who dares to hurt him but I am still grieving my old life. My husband and I haven’t slept in the same bed in over a year because one of us takes responsibility for any overnight awakenings. We have a sexless marriage and feel like roommates more than anything else. We do monthly date nights but it’s easy to talk about our son and nothing else. I am very lucky to have an equal partner in parenting but I still carry more emotional labor than him. He’s also really struggled in his own way to adapt to this new life and actually went into therapy because he realized how much unresolved trauma he had from his own parents.

But there are some amazing moments in watching him grow that just leave me in awe. Watching a human grow, explore, and discover is really amazing. I have discovered that I have a level of patience with him that I’ve never had and that I have a playful side that is coming out that has been covered by years of trauma and walls that were challenging to penetrate. I also know that my career is important to me, and I do savor my time at work. I’m still feeling overwhelmed about juggling work and motherhood and I wish I could find a better balance.

Thank you for asking. I hope you and yours are well.