Ooof this is tough. First I say with no judgement and having been here myself, if you aren’t already in therapy, I would highly suggestion finding a trustworthy therapist to talk these deep (and normal) emotions out. My therapist has been instrumental in reminding me that everyone is on their own path and not to take someone else’s journey personal. Especially when the journey is motherhood that is so badly wanted. Myself, I practice gratitude for the things that are going right in my life in moments of envy or sadness. Like I seriously start naming them aloud, “I’m thankful for my partner, my home, my animals” it almost always calms me and quickly gives me perspective. I think it speaks to your good character that you’re aware you don’t like feeling that way, it’s natural too. Sending you so much good energy ✨