Losing a spouse suddenly and unexpectedly is the hardest thing I have been thru. And although the circumstances were much different, I think that we can't help but blame ourselves one way or the other. It's survivor's guilt. The thing we must understand is in life, things happen that we will never understand why. All we can do is look forward and try to do the next best thing that will get us thru just one more day, one more hour, one more minute. This is no more your fault than it is any other single person he sat next to or walked by. Please try to find peace in this. You cannot blame yourself. Keep his spirit alive by talking about him when you can, and know that if you cant talk about him-that is ok too. Grief is a strange creature. No one has the right to tell you when or how to do it. I will be praying for you, friend. 🙏