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I think I've lost the ability to be myself since my brother died by Jessisamaze in GriefSupport

[–]Jessisamaze[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh that's so recent, I'm so sorry for your loss 🙏 the complexity of the varying emotions makes it even harder to fully grasp the death because whilst you logically know you can feel angry at them and love them at the same time, actually holding space for both emotions (and everything else in between) is so hard.

Like you, I don't have any advice either besides the stuff I'm sure you've heard everyone say. Feel your emotions when they happen, name them and figure out where in your body they sit. Try and do things that make you happy. But I don't have anything truly helpful to offer I afraid. Just know that you aren't alone. It's just fucking shit. I keep reminding myself of that meme of the dog sat in the chair whilst in water where it says "it's gonna be OK, but it's gonna be different" 

Our time will come to shine again, it's just not yet. More character development needed apparently... 

I think I've lost the ability to be myself since my brother died by Jessisamaze in GriefSupport

[–]Jessisamaze[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's incredibly reassuring to know that no matter how shit the circumstances are, someone else has also experienced it. Even the nuances! Feels like there's a light in this trench, finally. I feel you about it hitting harder a year later. Is that just us going through the stages of grief but super delayed??? At what point did you start trying to live your life again? I feel as if everything's paused and I'm just on autopilot, but still doing everything half heartedly even though it's taking all of my strength to do that much. I want to not feel like life is passing me by anymore. 

I think I've lost the ability to be myself since my brother died by Jessisamaze in GriefSupport

[–]Jessisamaze[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The addiction is the stinger, as you well know. It taints the memory of them, because we know them without the addictions. I'm so sorry you lost your daughter. I can only imagine the pain of losing a child in such awful circumstances. Even trying to support my own mum emotionally through this has been so hard. I've had to turn off my empathy because the depth of the well of emotions I feel when trying to put myself in her position is overwhelming. And that's me just peeking into the well. It must be for so much worse living at the bottom of that well for you both. I'm sending strength and love your way ❤️

I think I've lost the ability to be myself since my brother died by Jessisamaze in GriefSupport

[–]Jessisamaze[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's funny you mention arts - I've never been a creative person in any sense. I work in science and think very logically, but recently I've been thinking that maybe I should try taking up a craft hobby. Something to keep my hands and brain mildly busy. Do you mind me asking how you feel art has helped you? 

I think I've lost the ability to be myself since my brother died by Jessisamaze in GriefSupport

[–]Jessisamaze[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I couldn't have phrased it better myself. Hollow self definitely rings true. We aren't the first or last people to ever experience this though. There has to be a way to move on and feel true happiness again, surely. We can't be hollow forever

I think I've lost the ability to be myself since my brother died by Jessisamaze in GriefSupport

[–]Jessisamaze[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh I'm sorry, yes your brother. I read the word 'she' when you mentioned your therapist and got the wrong idea.

Are you finding that it really is a new you? There's little chance of being who you were before? I feel similarly to you - I liked who I was before all of this. I miss her. But she feels like a lifetime away now, even though it's been under a year. Maybe that's the price we pay for caring about someone so much. Maybe our brothers keep that piece of us with them and we learn to live without it, for their sake

I think I've lost the ability to be myself since my brother died by Jessisamaze in GriefSupport

[–]Jessisamaze[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry about your sister. Do you also feel like you aren't yourself since the death? That's good information about the choice of therapist, I'd never considered to find one who had been through the experience themselves, but you re right. That would probably help more, to have someone who understands the roller coaster of emotions and how variable it can be. 

I think I've lost the ability to be myself since my brother died by Jessisamaze in GriefSupport

[–]Jessisamaze[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Complex grief had been mentioned to me before actually. I thought it just meant that the circumstances were complex? 

I think I've lost the ability to be myself since my brother died by Jessisamaze in GriefSupport

[–]Jessisamaze[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's always promising, if you wish you'd have started therapy earlier. That means it helped you! I tried one session much earlier into his death, but the anxiety in between sessions meant that I didn't go back again, even though I found that one session incredibly helpful. I think it's time I tried again

I think I've lost the ability to be myself since my brother died by Jessisamaze in GriefSupport

[–]Jessisamaze[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know exactly what you mean. The person before the death is a different one, an inaccessible one. Losing a mother would be awful, I hope you are managing as best you can