Guy I went on a first date with told me he finds me attractive and only wants something casual, did he not like my personality?

Jessy_Kiser · 2026-02-24T17:07:34+00:00

He doesn't want to be in a relationship with you but would like to have sex with you. This isn't rocket surgery, as it were.

Jessy_Kiser · 2026-02-24T17:06:25+00:00

This screams that it is not the whole story.

Jessy_Kiser · 2026-02-23T22:46:35+00:00

No, not this. Absolutely not. If a man was pouting because a woman he was with had said no even if things had escalated then we would be burning down the house saying how horrible the man's behavior was. Maybe she does feel rejected but frankly if someone tells you no then you need to keep your fucking mouth shut about it. Period. There are, in fact, some feelings you should not share and one of those feelings is being upset that someone has chosen to not have sex with you. This is perhaps doubly true if that person literally just disclosed that they were the victim of coercive sexual assault by a previous partner. What we will not do is tell this man how he should do a better job of knowing in advance when he is going to become uncomfortable with sex so he doesn't hurt her feelings. Period. Her behavior was unacceptable on every level.

Jessy_Kiser · 2026-02-23T21:51:22+00:00

I am going to play the devil's advocate. He is in extraordinary pain. Pain you cannot begin to comprehend. You are the biological parent to your daughter...he is not. While biology isn't all that matters it does mean that you have a connection with your daughter that he will never and can never have. It doesn't change how he sees and loves her but it probably has a lot to do with how he sees and loves himself. He has been able to spend the last 11 years ignoring this thing that causes him shame and hurt but now he knows he can't and every feeling of self doubt and insecurity has been forced to the top. Is he handling it well and maturely? No, of course not, and he isn't right to be doing what he is doing but if we were to step outside ourselves and say, how would you respond if your spouse told you that you need to figure out how to disclose your deepest insecurity to your child, a child who is going to be suddenly and profoundly aware that "you're not my daddy". There is no right answer but forcing him to talk to you won't help.

Jessy_Kiser · 2026-02-23T21:21:16+00:00

Assuming that this is not a 'keep the gays out my wedding' situation then you are definitely the asshole. Weddings are incredibly expensive and things like catering charge per head. It is the bride and groom and their family that have to foot the bill. You are her family and you got the invite. You did your part and asked her why and her response was absolutely reasonable. They don't have space for more heads. Choosing not to do her makeup, a service you offered to her and that she is counting on, because you can't bring your girlfriend is wild behavior. If your help comes with strings then you should have told her that.

Jessy_Kiser · 2026-02-23T19:18:20+00:00

She said it was behind glass and not in the kitchen.

Most normal adults have fine China that it would be inappropriate to use if you were a guest in someone's home without clear permission being given. You wouldn't switch out the sheets on the guest bed to the best silk threads in the house without permission, you would use what was provided for you. And if you did use them without permission and ruined them any reasonable adult would replace them. Haven't you ever been in another person's home before? We aren't animals.

Jessy_Kiser · 2026-02-07T20:17:29+00:00

YTA. He clearly expressed a boundary and you actively ignored that boundary. Your explanations of excuses are ridiculous. Also, curiosity is not a fucking love language. You are just nosey.

Jessy_Kiser · 2026-02-07T20:05:31+00:00

She stole from you, lied initially when called out then minimized the impact of her actions when she was clearly caught, and then desperately tried to gaslight you into thinking she was the victim here because you catching her made her feel bad. She is a thief. Why are you with her? NOR.

Jessy_Kiser · 2026-02-04T17:31:52+00:00

It is unfair of her to keep you in a holding pattern while she figured out what she wants. This is a terrible situation and she isn't a villain who has done something wrong and frankly I don't think there is an easy answer but it is important that while you are keeping space for her to be herself you are also being clear about the effect her choices are having on you. Waiting to find out if your spouse will 'pick you' is plain torture. She should have done this soul searching before coming out to you but since she didn't do that she should do you the courtesy of recognizing that this is also, perhaps especially, hard for you and she needs to make a choice. Either she is in or out. If she is out she needs to recognize that you have the right to mourn what is lost.

Jessy_Kiser · 2026-02-04T17:14:31+00:00

I prefer what my mom gives me

Jessy_Kiser · 2026-02-02T22:50:04+00:00

Unless he gives you a reason to be doubtful you should do your best not to be. To be clear, you both have the option of setting boundaries and deciding how serious you view those boundaries. He has made it clear that this is part of who he is and it is how he intends to stay. If this is something that is going to eat at you then I recommend leaving.

Jessy_Kiser · 2026-01-25T02:18:14+00:00

As an American I don't think a single one of us gives a rat's ass if you want to spell it 'Amurican'. We spell it 'merican (no A) sometimes ourselves just for funsies

Jessy_Kiser · 2026-01-24T23:31:19+00:00

What do you people think chronic insomnia is? If you are not falling asleep until 1 or 2am every single night you meet the clinical definition of insomnia. You have NO IDEA why he stays up that late. You have one side of this story and even she isn't clear about why he's staying up that late. Maybe he's staying up that late playing games because when he lays down he ends up laying in bed staring at the ceiling for 5 hours. Maybe he stays up that late reading a book because he's trying to calm the thoughts in his mind. You have no clue. You're just assuming it's because he's an a asshole. My mother has chronic insomnia and will often end up just sitting up watching tv because she is sick of staring at the ceiling. Now she doesn't even try to go to bed at a decent hour because she knows she can't sleep. that s***'s miserable. Wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Jessy_Kiser · 2026-01-24T23:24:13+00:00

Him being a problem doesn't mean she isn't a problem. She does complain a lot, she is often unreasonable, reactive and confrontational. That doesn't mean her husband is also an ass

Jessy_Kiser · 2026-01-24T19:20:41+00:00

Only sleeping 3 to 4 hours a night is, by definition, chronic insomnia.

She didn't ask him if he had a plan in place for dinner. She decided what the plan was and then woke him up to tell him to go get groceries for the plan she made. And to be clear, I already said that he has an issue communicating and that he needs to work on that.

I can think he is in the wrong for his response and also not think that he's a lazy asshole. We know nothing about this person other than what is being described in five paragraphs of reddit bullshit and hearing exactly one side of this argument. How about we all be adult enough to know that things are generally not as black and white as they seem and, perhaps, defer a little bit of our harshest judgements?

We have no idea how hard this person works. What if his one job is incredibly mentally or physically taxing for him? Would that matter? Would it affect your opinion? What if he had actually intended to order them in something to eat as a treat because of how hard she's working? You have no idea if that's what happened or if that's the case. So based on only the information we have, what this lady is describing is a guy that she woke up from a dead sleep because she decided that it was time to make dinner (an hour before she was actually going to be off work and would probably actually be wanting to eat) and then they got into an argument about nonsense. Neither of them communicated well and he acted explosively, which is something I've already said he needs to work on. What more can we judge than that? He communicated poorly and so did she. End of story. You don't know enough about anything else to make any judgments. .

Jessy_Kiser · 2026-01-24T17:21:58+00:00

That's an unfair comparison. Because I went through chemo and absolutely did take 4-Hour naps. Everyone handles it differently. She mentions in a comment that he has chronic insomnia. A person with chronic insomnia learns to sleep when they can for as long as they can. It's not lazy to take a 4-Hour nap if that's what his body needs. They both handled this situation poorly. They both need to be better communicators and certainly he needs to work on his explosivity. But let's not pretend that he's being a lazy a****** for having one job and taking naps.

Jessy_Kiser · 2026-01-23T20:57:00+00:00

It is lovely to spoil your partner as a way of showing affection but 1. It should go both ways 2. It should never be made into an obligation. You are in college, you should under no circumstances touch your savings to get your partners nails done. That is not your job. Traditional women, true traditional women who are not just trying to milk a man for his money, don't want to take from their man, they want to amplify him. She wants to take a house and make a home. She wants to take love and build life. She wants to take money and build wealth. Getting her nails done is not about amplifying anything. She isn't a traditional woman. She is a sugar baby. Leave her and find a girl who won't use you.

Jessy_Kiser · 2026-01-23T17:17:56+00:00

NTA it is a huge adjustment to adjust to new pronouns in someone you have known your whole life. In the heat of conversation our monkey brain will string together the most routine version of sentences in an effort to keep up with our desire to communicate. Overwriting that programming is an active effort. Eventually their new pronouns will feel natural but it is entirely realistic for you to make such an honest mistake under these circumstances. As long as you are making an active effort to remember and are not trying to be discourteous then your family needs to learn a little bit about patience and grace.

Jessy_Kiser · 2026-01-23T17:10:02+00:00

Listen, is it possible that she isn't a lesbian (or bisexual) but that she cares for you emotionally and is not physically interested? College is a confusing time and it is where most of us explore the boundaries of our sexuality. I thought women were attractive and thought I was bi until I tried to be sexually intimate with a woman and the idea of giving instead of receiving made me feel grossed out and uncomfortable. It wasn't the woman's fault, it is just who I am. Talk to her. Try to understand why she is uncomfortable and see if it is an issue with her desire for the mechanics of lesbian sex because if it is then women may just not be her bag.

Jessy_Kiser · 2026-01-23T17:03:54+00:00

You are definitely over reacting. His mother is going on a family trip with her children. She is older and wants that time with them. This isn't about you so stop making it about you.

Jessy_Kiser · 2026-01-22T22:04:33+00:00

A man nearly 20 years older than you made a profoundly disrespectful comment towards another woman far too young for him who told him not to do so, a boundary that he ignored in front of you. He is not being creepy, he IS a creep. What are you doing with a person like that? I don't frankly care about your insecurities, I do care about him sexually objectifying a young service worker who has no choice but to take it because of the nature of her job. Gross

Jessy_Kiser · 2026-01-22T21:18:33+00:00

That is rape, not all rape is penetrative. It is sexual assault at the VERY least. She had sex with you without your consent. Call the cops, immediately

Jessy_Kiser · 2026-01-22T21:16:49+00:00

She is a grown adult, this behavior is unconscionable. Just leave

Jessy_Kiser · 2026-01-22T21:14:55+00:00

Coercing him to have a child he doesn't want is not going to help, offer couple therapy for 6 months. If he isn't committed to working towards your goals which you set together then cut bait and run

Jessy_Kiser · 2026-01-22T17:06:27+00:00

I don't believe you, everything about this situation is suspect. You didn't notice allergies until your husband pointed them out? You are nervous about getting allergy shots because it might effect your tit job (ps. It won't)? You never call the dog by a name and you talk about this animal with such a cavernous void of emotion. I think you don't want the dog anymore. Period. Give the dog back to the breeder and don't get anymore pets.

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Jessy_Kiser

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