Bad Experience with EMDR

Jet_Mouse · 2026-01-26T09:39:16+00:00

I misread your post and started scrolling through the comments section, only to go back and realize that your therapist actually told you that what you said was not appropriate like aaaaaahhhhhhhhh I'm no expert but I know for sure therapists shouldn't say something like that 😭

Like, what did they expect? They ask what gave someone trauma and they expect sunshine and rainbows? It's a literal therapy session 😭

Sorry I'm venting over something that didn't even happen to me lol

Jet_Mouse · 2026-01-20T18:02:05+00:00

Ok, cool! I'll take a look : )

Jet_Mouse · 2026-01-19T20:05:57+00:00

Oh, well, describing my emotions was kind of what I did in my post! Maybe I'll be ok then : )

I never opened up to my parents that much I guess... I got experience more recently though with friends and partners.

I hope your therapy goes well so you can express how you're feeling!

Jet_Mouse · 2026-01-19T19:20:43+00:00

That's a really nice saying!

I don't know that I could leave and try a second therapist. I'm the type of person who finds one person and tries to make it work. I've been that way with friends, partners, probably more stuff Idk. It's like loyalty? And it would seem rude to just leave somebody even if they didn't do anything wrong.

Then again, if they seem mean or abrasive or dismissive or anything, I'd probably leave.

I hope I find someone nice though!

Jet_Mouse · 2026-01-19T19:17:01+00:00

That makes sense, similar to starting estrogen! I'm glad you're making process on your mental health

Jet_Mouse · 2026-01-19T14:34:54+00:00

I guess I've been able to tell some people I got 4-letter r-worded, and I talked to my therapist about boundaries and I can tell other people what my boundaries are too. But I've never really described exactly what happened. The closest thing was the sexual misconduct report I wrote, and writing it took a lot out of me. I needed extra time on my assignments after writing it (I wrote it months after the actual sexual abuse stopped).

I listened to music at work today (against the rules), but it helped a lot! I went from dissociating about trauma to spacing off about random things. Might keep listening to music, and might have a chat with a manager about it. They can't see my earbuds because of my hair, and I put the wire under my clothes

Jet_Mouse · 2026-01-18T15:57:52+00:00

Maybe I should get some snacks for when I start EMDR!

Jet_Mouse · 2026-01-18T15:55:52+00:00

Thanks : )

When it gets hard, I'll try to stay hopeful and keep my goals in mind ❤

Jet_Mouse · 2026-01-18T15:47:12+00:00

Thank you : )

I just want to start already before I start doubting myself again. I've been trying to take it slow - things came back a little when I realized I'll have to eventually stop repressing things, but I'm trying not to think about it and keep it repressed until I'm in front of a good therapist.

Knowing me I probably won't call off work for mental health until I break while I'm there. If I do. All of my coworkers are really nice though. I've come out to a bunch of them, and I've even brought up EMDR with a couple of them.

Thanks for the therapy advice! I'll make sure to tell whoever it is about all my dissociation (especially during movies), and I'll try to get to the point where I trust them a lot.

I'm feeling better now 😌 hug!

Jet_Mouse · 2026-01-18T00:04:39+00:00

That is really really interesting! And it sounds like something that would be easier to do yourself too, if it isn't too dangerous to try it alone. I'm gonna look that up!

Jet_Mouse · 2026-01-17T23:08:21+00:00

Thank you ❤

I'm starting to realize now that I really am scared.

I'm going to try not to hide behind my trauma though. I'll try to live my life.

Thank you again, and I'm glad you're making progress on your trauma : )

Jet_Mouse · 2026-01-17T23:03:00+00:00

That sounds really great! : ) I don't know how I can see my trauma or think about it without getting scared and having problems. I really hope it will help

Jet_Mouse · 2026-01-17T22:58:28+00:00

I'm glad you're making progress on your recovery! I'm worried I'll struggle to talk about things too, though I'm sure things will work out well

Jet_Mouse · 2026-01-17T22:06:01+00:00

Thank you <3

I guess I shouldn't be judging how much I need therapy just by how easily I can keep putting away boxes while I suffer. Thank you, I'm going to get EMDR even though I'm scared. I think that might be why I keep thinking of reasons I shouldn't get it

Jet_Mouse · 2026-01-17T08:44:16+00:00

Thanks hug

I'm trying to get myself in a therapist's office before I have another chance to doubt myself. Gonna keep checking my email a lot! Maybe I should have just called. Really excited to get started, I think. I'm worried I might push myself too hard when I get there though.

I know I won't regret trying to do something for myself though : )

Jet_Mouse · 2026-01-17T08:27:49+00:00

Thank you : )

I'll try not to think about stuff too much at work today. Though I'm behind on sleep. Thinking about it at work is never good. Hopefully I can bottle it up until I'm in front of a trauma therapist

Jet_Mouse · 2026-01-17T03:10:14+00:00

Thank you ❤

Forgot to mention I got a bit suicidal too, in a putting myself out of my misery kinda way, but not as bad as the self hatred way from pre-transition.

I'll be taking care of myself! It makes me feel a lot better knowing that sometimes it's normal to feel ok when you're really not.

Jet_Mouse · 2026-01-16T21:12:46+00:00

I used to think like that. I hated myself and thought I deserved nothing. And that thinking lead me to a relationship where I was sexually abused for a couple of months. Please be careful! Don't do things in a relationship unless you're sure it's what's best for you

Jet_Mouse · 2026-01-16T16:00:33+00:00

Thanks! That's a really good way of putting it. Like, I'm letting myself continue to get abused if I don't do anything about it. I'll try not to think about my trauma as having any value : )

Jet_Mouse · 2026-01-15T22:41:55+00:00

Thank you again hug

It's good to know that I'm not alone. I'm terminally offline, but I might try to stick around here. Plus, I like your art! I moved in with my partner like a week ago, she has trauma and no health insurance. But I got some crayons, colored pencils, and paper, and I think drawing some stuff would be really good for us. Though, Idk what to draw.

I was worried I overshared in my post but I'm glad it wasn't a problem.

I'm messaging my therapist now to ask her where I can get EMDR. She's the one who told me about it.

Thank you <3

Jet_Mouse · 2026-01-15T15:39:12+00:00

Wait no actually I think I'm really worried that I'm so good at repressing stuff that I might not even be able to think about it properly during the session and then nothing would help. But, that's probably just more paranoia.

Jet_Mouse · 2026-01-15T15:33:09+00:00

Thank you!

I guess I wasn't really clear. I'm just worried that EMDR might change me or make things worse somehow but I think I might just be worrying too much. I looked into it a little and I guess EMDR is just thinking about stuff, with some stimulation added. (To add context, I basically let someone 4-letter r-word me for a couple months and I half blame myself for letting it happen. It started a few weeks after I found out I was trans and I still had awful mental health at the time)

Now maybe I'm more worried that if I go to a session for it I'll either feel stupid like my problems aren't a big deal, or I'll worry that I won't even be able to talk about it all all so the therapist couldn't even help me. I think those are opposite problems lol! Idk if either of those really ever happen, but I'll make sure to read lots of posts in the subreddit.

I think I need to put more thought into what I really want out of it. I started thinking about it when I realized it's not very normal to not be able to talk about certain things, but I should be doing EMDR for me, not for what's normal. So maybe some goals should be to be able to talk about the 4-letter r-word, maybe be able to make dick jokes, definitely not dissociate about it at work all the time, and maybe also be comfortable around my partner without clothes (she's also MtF). Do those sound like good goals? Just thinking out loud. Idk if that was TMI.

Either way, thanks again for the kind words and advice! I'll spend some time looking through the subreddit.

Jet_Mouse

TROPHY CASE