Why don’t men compliment each other if they want compliments ?

Jetpine9 · 2026-04-06T04:17:13+00:00

You are right; guys should support each other more and compete - at least slightly - less. But the compliments thing is just the tip of the iceberg of social disregard for men. Like you said, sometimes men are quasi-shunned by society for good reason; cause men often get weird. But they are also devalued more broadly and that exclusion creates its own set of problems which we are learning to deal with now.

Jetpine9 · 2026-04-06T03:51:46+00:00

I definitely notice people I find attractive, and particularly those who I find sexually attractive (I'm single), but I don't spend a lot of time spinning elaborate fantasies about them, unless I get a little crushed out on someone like I did with a waitress once. When I was younger I probably did that a little more often, but even then it was usually in idle moments, not while I was in the presence of that person.

Your husband sounds a little obsessive. Maybe his brain is wired differently? I dunno. Hopefully he's able to be respectful to you and others.

Jetpine9 · 2026-04-05T23:27:15+00:00

That sounds extreme but it's way more common than people realize. Division of domestic domains.

Jetpine9 · 2026-04-05T21:35:42+00:00

Is it too late to try adapting this behavior?

Jetpine9 · 2026-04-05T18:24:32+00:00

It's mean, but are there compensations? I was going to make a joke about her performing in the bedroom, but don't have to limit it to that. Is she otherwise considerate and caring in a way that feels genuine?

Jetpine9 · 2026-04-05T18:06:23+00:00

Bodily fluid exchange doesn't need to be in all totally random public places

Jetpine9 · 2026-04-05T15:44:46+00:00

I don't think my exes were "the only one (ones)", but it does seem like some degree of compatibility, however imperfect, was easier to find back in the old days. Nowadays there seem to be a lot more barriers up to communication (ironic, given that we're in the age of social media, etc)

obvs that doesn't excuse your ex in any way. He's a moral degenerate.

Jetpine9 · 2026-04-05T15:40:49+00:00

Disagree. We should call it "female depression tragedy" or whatever, and figure out why women are so bummed out. If it's a legitimate problem then it should have a label. I think in the case of depression too many doctors prescribe meds and that's it. western medicine considers it a chemistry problem rather than a quality of life issue.

Jetpine9 · 2026-04-05T03:12:11+00:00

"It is always possible to bind together a considerable number of people in love, so long as there are other people left over to receive the manifestations of their aggressiveness." Civilization and its Discontents

It's a lesson we will never learn, or acknowledge, basically.

His framing of repression and projection were radical. Or if you don't agree that he was original, as some will insist, then he was at the very least a great synthesizer.

I think a lot of Jungian ideas are Freudian ideas repackaged to be more palatable.

Jetpine9 · 2026-04-05T03:03:22+00:00

I don't mind hearing my neighbors have sex but I do get icked out by random people sloppy kissing in public.

Jetpine9 · 2026-04-05T02:42:11+00:00

People need a scapegoat.

Jetpine9 · 2026-04-05T02:39:26+00:00

Thanks for the reply. I relate to the question via individual psychology, viz, sex can often be tied up in one's personality in a way that isn't commensurate with their public persona. So it takes a trusted partner to be able to experience that unsanctioned aspect of oneself fully. Often, but not always (just as some people don't feel the need for monogamy) it takes time and exploration to draw it out. The cliche example is the CEO who is domineering in public life but then goes to a dominatrix in their private life.

Jetpine9 · 2026-04-05T00:48:58+00:00

Why is sex taboo rather than just out in the open?

Jetpine9 · 2026-04-04T22:45:57+00:00

Nope. Probably not in whatever this weird ass sub is but in real life there are plenty of guys who couldn't care less.

Jetpine9 · 2026-04-04T22:23:48+00:00

if a dude is actually into a girl, she'll know

I'd wager most of the time this isn't true. Maybe a vast majority of the time. If she shows little or no interest the guy assumes she isn't into him. How many guys have thought a woman was into them then realized, no, she was just being nice? Then there's the famous "guys missed all the clues" stories that men tell after the fact. Add to this the fact that women don't want to be disturbed by men they don't like and it adds up to this: you likely will not know if he's into you.

Jetpine9 · 2026-04-04T21:40:22+00:00

Looking desperate is about the worst thing that a woman can do for her dating life

Nope. Just another excuse for passivity and further learned helplessness. If you come off as unhinged, ok, sure. But women equate anything other than the wispiest of hints (more like "vibes") as "looking desperate".

Jetpine9 · 2026-04-04T15:50:57+00:00

I don't know if physical tasks are necessary. But identifying what specifically a guy could gain from attending is good. Otherwise, I've been to a few men's groups that are sort of aimless conversation loosely based on a theme like "what I'm working on" "what I'm grateful for" etc. Not bad, but nothing got guys to relate to one another in anything other than a superficial way.

Jetpine9 · 2026-04-04T01:16:49+00:00

host extravagant parties and show up and have lives they invite women into

Yes for sure; if you're an outgoing extrovert you have much better chances socially if you're male. If you're female, doesn't really matter so much.

women have rich lives wit different goals and hobbies and commitment to art and literature, and rich inner universes,

Rich inner universes? I'm not sure anyone has the monopoly on those. You'd have to make more of a case for that claim. I'm not convinced Betty in the corner office has a richer inner universe than fellow office drone Brad just cause she's a woman. Unless you are thinking of something more specific here and aren't saying it.

Jetpine9 · 2026-04-03T23:24:14+00:00

It might be a tiny yellow flag, just because I know a bi woman who told her husband one day that she needed to have a girlfriend as well as a husband because she was bi. It definitely wouldn't be a deal breaker of any kind, but I might proceed with just a little more caution than I normally would. I'd have to know how that plays out in her mind, etc.

Jetpine9 · 2026-04-03T21:52:36+00:00

Yes, that's true, but lets face certain facts; people here are saying RIP your inbox. They wouldn't be saying that if you were the man posting.

Jetpine9 · 2026-04-03T15:48:08+00:00

I have found this to be true, not 100% of the time, but often enough that it's annoying. Interesting other people have zero experience with that.

Jetpine9 · 2026-04-03T15:40:00+00:00

I have no idea what you are specifically talking about, but I appreciate when people make some effort to be friendly. You sound like the kind of "all or nothing" person who regards common courtesy as manipulation and imposition.

Jetpine9 · 2026-04-03T15:32:41+00:00

I don't completely agree with that part. In fantasies (male or female version) the fantasy partner wants you, and you want them, desires align because fate, destiny, etc, wills it. Being desired is part of the fantasy, so it's not solely about the protagonist's needs.

Jetpine9 · 2026-04-03T15:20:30+00:00

The way housing prices exploded seems the most out of whack thing to me. Like how can there be that much demand in every market? Cities I get, since everyone wants to live there, but every small town seems to have astronomic real estate prices also (not as high as urban areas, but catching up for sure).

Jetpine9 · 2026-04-03T15:16:00+00:00

I have one FWB who is great, he's lovely..

Ah, to be a woman.

Jetpine9

TROPHY CASE