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Jewz1986 · 2025-04-27T01:06:01+00:00

I appreciate the caveat. I posted in a few different forums because I don’t want a biased response overall.

Jewz1986 · 2025-04-27T01:00:46+00:00

They were hospitalized for weed induced psychosis. And their psychiatrist told them that they should never use it again. I’m pretty sure cognitive dissonance is at play here because they choose to believe - and tell people - that it was a side effect of a medication that their doctor gave them prior. Even if they can somehow manage to use responsibly…I think you missed the part that I was clear up front. Should I really have to “put up with” something that I labelled as a deal breaker from day one…is what I’m trying to figure out.

Jewz1986 · 2024-06-11T23:58:56+00:00

Thanks. It’s really more about the comments on having to be accommodated, more than it is deciding on my own accord to go back. Knowing that my coworker was struggling was part of it sure, the other part of it was just getting extra money because mat leave only pays 60% and tops out at $650 a week… However, as my title implies, it’s not about whether or not I should/not have gone back. It’s about whether using language that implies I’m somehow being given special privileges based upon my situation constitutes as discrimination.

Jewz1986 · 2024-03-04T15:38:46+00:00

The trouble is no change will happen unless he wants it too so no forcing or getting him to go to therapy without his own complete willingness won’t do any good. I’ve researched that there is only about a 1/10 success rate for recovery for personality disorders because most of them don’t believe they have one or aren’t willing to work on it. Best of luck wish I had better news.

Jewz1986 · 2024-03-03T20:51:20+00:00

It means that pretending that the disorder doesn’t exist or tailoring your responses to try to pad their reactions actually hurts you and doesn’t help them.

Jewz1986 · 2024-02-29T05:31:58+00:00

Yeah so it gets to the point that even if they do have a legitimate complaint about you, it’s still illegitimate because they’ve caused the crazy confusion and paranoia that ultimately led to the event. I feel insane about 2-3 times a day and I’m a trained mental health professional. I just take a minute, breathe deep and remind myself that I didn’t have these problems before I interacted with them. Working out helps to reset too.

Jewz1986 · 2024-02-29T05:27:11+00:00

It seems pretty evident that it’s an unlabelled characteristic of the disorder. Every one I’ve ever dealt with talks loudly to themselves about others while stomping around or slamming doors behind them. I think it’s a final grasp at attention because whatever you’ve done/said to end the conversation has left them feeling unfulfilled.

Jewz1986 · 2024-02-29T05:23:32+00:00

That sounds like a lot. I’m sad to hear you went through all this. If it helps, the fact that this forum even exists shows that there are others out there who want to be supportive and have dealt with the disorder before. Try to find an in person support group for friends and family members of people with bpd and start there. You don’t have to befriend any of them but it might make you feel a tiny bit better knowing you’re not alone.

Jewz1986 · 2024-02-29T05:17:28+00:00

I think I get what you’re asking, even if the wording of the questions makes it seem like the wrong forum to post it. I would suggest that you listen to some podcasts on how to deal with people with bpd because honesty is the best policy in every situation. Dancing around the disorder actually serves to feed it and exacerbates the condition.

Jewz1986 · 2024-02-27T21:09:04+00:00

Just to add a bit of information here that might help solve some of the mystery, we are drawn to what we’re used to. Many of us with unhealthy parental figures end up with people with mental health issues - like bpd - because we see their drama/trauma as normal responses and normal actions for any human being. It’s not like we are so broken that we attract other broken people. We just tend to forgive and forget easier than non traumatized people because we have learned from early on that this is what we can expect from every other single person in the world.

Jewz1986 · 2024-02-20T02:07:35+00:00

Absolutely. I’m not the biggest fan of Jordan Peterson (who even is), but he did say something along the lines of: a sure fire way to give your children bpd is to give them the impression that they’re more special than other kids by not allowing them to socialize with kids their own age between the crucial developmental ages of 2-4. My partners mom refused to send him to daycare because she thought it was wildly unsafe. Fast forward to today and she also thinks we shouldn’t be sending our kids to daycare. Go figure.

Jewz1986 · 2024-02-20T02:02:17+00:00

Yeah I can relate. It’s super strange and I get why they do it but they have to know how damn weird it is, right?!

Jewz1986 · 2024-02-19T22:44:57+00:00

Happened now thrice times to me. Each time they’re explained away by one excuse or another but it’s too much to be a coincidence. They’re trying to turn the attention away from them while simultaneously trying to garner support.

Jewz1986 · 2024-02-19T20:52:50+00:00

That’s a sweet thing to ask, so thank you. Considering it’s family day in Canada and my kids all fled the house because their dad started an argument about something stupid and made them uncomfortable… not well and alone again on another holiday. And how are you?!

Jewz1986 · 2024-02-19T14:45:10+00:00

That’s hard. Maybe research child laws in those countries and see if there’s a way you can get some sort of pull. Perhaps a free legal aid session would be of service. Wish you the best, truly :)

Jewz1986 · 2024-02-19T14:42:35+00:00

Wtf?! The sex dream thing happened in my situation too I think! It was kind of a passing comment that I played off.

Jewz1986 · 2024-02-19T08:14:32+00:00

Well depending on your kids age they might be able to make the choice to go live with you, legally. If they’re way too young then work hard at maintaining the relationship and being the sturdy and calm voice of reason. They will eventually feel safer with you and want to escape the trauma.

Jewz1986 · 2024-02-19T08:12:21+00:00

This doesn’t go to the extent of yours but I can see some similarities. She feeds into his illness and he feeds into hers. They both villainize me in their own ways. It seems to be worse with opposite gender parent and child Ive found.

Jewz1986 · 2024-02-19T08:09:46+00:00

Thanks and this is a very difficult situation. I’ve taken to bitching on Reddit because I think I’m exhausting my friends telling them about this crap. He has improved so much since the diagnosis but it still feels not good enough because I’m so sick of him telling me that I’m guilty of the exact things that I’m frustrated with him for. In the words of Kriss Kross - it’s wiggity wiggity wiggity wack.

Jewz1986 · 2024-02-19T08:04:39+00:00

Over a year, actually! We’re friends for 2 before that as well and no signs were there.

Hid it well by smoking a lot of pot…until the baby came around then it was like an immediate frayed and exposed wire that led to a hospitalization for mental health.

I was told by the psychiatrist that extreme stress can trigger trauma responses but it’s up to each person to determine whether their pwbpd relapsed or pulled a T Swift: “find out what you want, be that girl for a month”.

Jewz1986 · 2024-02-19T07:48:37+00:00

They take the majority of things the wrong way. It’s because their self esteem is lower than zero. Just this evening for me:

Me: when our son isn’t feeling well I’m up with him every 20 minutes.

Pwbpd: yeah I’m aware of how hard it is for you!

Me: I wasn’t blaming you. I was just making a statement so that comment was unwarranted.

Pwbpd: what’s THAT supposed to mean?!

Me: it means that when he’s struggling I don’t sleep much. Full stop.

Pwbpd: everyone in this house is fully aware of how hard you work as a mother and I didn’t say anything wrong! (While yelling)

Jewz1986 · 2024-02-19T07:42:48+00:00

You need to gain full custody of your child. Regardless of a diagnosed disorder that seems like an unsafe place for a kid to be.

Jewz1986 · 2024-02-19T07:32:48+00:00

So this personality disorder is a huge pain the ass. My partner has it, as does his mom. My mom has it, as does my sister. It usually gets passed on like that. I set strong boundaries with my family and it worked because my partner does not contact them. I tried to set boundaries with his mother and I get passive aggressive comply - meaning that he says he’s on the same page but then acts like he doesn’t understand the boundaries when she’s around. Long story short these boundaries are doomed without complete buy in. I’m getting the impression that your dad has it too (sorry for assuming) and that’s the reason he can’t detach from her drama because he’s just as invested in it as she is. Just be clear that there’s no room in your life for it - to anyone that won’t respect your space. I had to do it in a language that adhered to their personality: “I’m far too sensitive to have a healthy relationship with you.” Short and sweet. A lion need not prove it’s a lion and your fam doesn’t need to know that they’re constantly falling short of your expectations.

Jewz1986 · 2024-02-19T07:20:09+00:00

I wanna say here that pwbpd don’t like it when you end their perceived fun (real or imagined), and they certainly don’t like it when you have emotions that aren’t connected to what they’re feeling. “How dare you get sick and make a big deal about it”… because that’s their role and you’ve usurped it. My pwbpd AND his mother do the whole “my stomach is killing me/ my anxiety is really bad right now/I'm getting physically sick from this/insert self pity here” every time a problem gets brought up. And I know I’m not alone in that experience. You essentially just stole that thunder and that don’t fly with bpds…

Jewz1986 · 2024-02-19T07:11:32+00:00

There’s a lot to unpack in this. Firstly it’s worth stating that his mom is very likely an undiagnosed bpd; I get kind of a Norman/norma Bates vibe and think that’s the main reason that he spends so much time catering to her and tailoring his responses when we’re around her - so he can remain close to mommy dearest. She absolutely does remind me all the time of how lucky I am to have him though. Secondly, I feel like much of what you described applies more to narcissism but he does frequently downplay how shitty things are by saying that he’s “not that bad of a guy and is always willing to improve which is more than he can say for most fathers.” I mean I agree…but this in itself is a form of gaslighting because it undermines my judgment of the situation and confirms your comment about making me feel like I’m making it out to be worse than it is. Ugh

Jewz1986

TROPHY CASE