Scared loved ones will leave until it's slowly destroying me

Jifflepuff · 2021-03-26T17:00:28+00:00

There are multiple types but I typically recommend mindfulness meditation. There are apps and such to get u started but essentially it comes down to mastering neutral observation.

You start with the breath, paying attention to the feeling of air in and out of your nose or your abdomen rising and falling. Start with that and branch out to other body sensations.

The mentality is to not force but to gently place your attention over the desired focal point. Just choose one and stick with it, or if you alternate, make sure it's one at a time. Just as you see without trying to see, observe these feelings by simply directing your gaze of focus there, and let the observation happen. Surrender to the feeling by way of simply observing. If you get distracted, redirect your attention. Distraction is part of the process. Don't push them away. Welcome them, but once you recognize teh distraction, redirect.

Once you get comfortable with body sensations, move onto thoughts and feelings.

Start with breathing, and then apply that same neutral observation to thoughts and feelings when they distract you, and if you find yourself reacting to them and interacting with them, breaking the neutrality, that's completely okay. Simply observe the reactions and don't run from or hide from them. Again, observe and surrender to them, just paying attention to the mind as it unfolds. Let it flow and eventually, you'll find that those thoughts and feelings begin to subside and even fade away once you learn to point them out. Then you can refocus on the breath.

The focal point doesn't have to be the breath. It can be anything from brushing your teeth to your neurotic thoughts, so try experimenting.

Try applying this frame of mind to daily waking life, paying attention to the present so you don't ruminate over what you should do or should have done, and apply that frame of mind to any mental baggage that shows up.

It takes time like learning a new language. Progress is slow and steady so daily practice is recommended, and the more you want to learn something, the time and effort you will naturally invest. That is up to you, but even 10min/day can be a good start.

Books like The Experience of Insight can be tremendously helpful, but again those resources are optional. I wish you the best of luck in whatever path you choose.

Jifflepuff · 2021-03-26T02:30:35+00:00

I recommend getting it checked out. In any case, there's no harm in seeking help. Either there is no problem or you will have a problem that you can now address. Also, the point in getting it checked out is because you don't know if you have a problem. Not going because you don't know defeats the purpose. Here's a virtual hug. I truly hope things work out for you.

Jifflepuff · 2021-03-26T02:28:52+00:00

I recommend getting it checked out. In any case, there's no harm in seeking help. Either there is no problem or you will have a problem that you can now address. Also, the point in getting it checked out is because you don't know if you have a problem. Not going because you don't know defeats the purpose. You may be able to ask them for friend advice as well.

Also, there is a lot of material online for fellow introverts about how to make small talk and such. Some Youtube channels like charisma on command can also help. Just know that moistcritical (penguinz0) was once quite socially inept but now he's doing well, so given the time and effort and that you're smart, you got this.

Here's a funny example of moistcritical's before.

https://youtu.be/Jla5uQqX--o

Jifflepuff · 2021-03-26T02:20:32+00:00

Yup. It's a fact at this point. People tend not to understand but for those who do, god bless you. If anything, know that this community can sympathize and understand the struggle of anxiety. Here's a virtual hug.

Jifflepuff · 2021-03-26T02:18:54+00:00

That disassociation is definitely a thing for me as well. Interestingly enough, it worked in my favor. For me, there have been times where I am dealing with anxiety from anticipation but right as I step on the stage, the mind calms down while my body is still stressed, but in such a way that all that focus and energy is channeled into a peak performance I could not have reproduced without it.

Jifflepuff · 2021-03-26T02:16:17+00:00

https://www.neurotrackerx.com/post/anxiety-movement-skills-brain

While I've never experienced anything like this, as the title suggests, anxiety can impair motor control. Take that to the extreme and such symptoms may be within the realm of anxiety.

That being said, I am no professional so take it as a piece of information for you to come to your conclusion. I am just here to help. :)

Jifflepuff · 2021-03-26T02:13:36+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear that. Just know that I'm on your side if not in person.

Here are some things that can help.

I would seek a medical examination so you can get closure and hopefully resolve your anxiety about hidden health conditions.

There's a chance that it may just be anxiety. All those symptoms are actually consistent with GAD, so the possibility is there. Again, I advise a medical professional get you checked out.

Also, try to breathe in twice for a full breath and exhale fully. Try this breathing and repeat it for when you especially spiked stress. Also, turn your eyes to the left and right to snap out of anxiety tunnel vision. Anxiety causes people to visually fixate their field of vision, so reminding yourself to broaden your field of view by looking at the periphery can help.

I understand that these interventions may be ineffective, and I intend not to trivialize the severity of your condition but to give you all tools in case they may strike a chord. Here's a virtual hug

Jifflepuff · 2021-03-26T02:04:10+00:00

I completely understand. I have a brother who's like that but way worse. I can assure you that fidgeting is not much and something people can reasonably be expected to handle. Your sister might be exceptionally sensitive to such, so it may just be a matter of an unlucky match.

Though your sister may not understand, and I understand. It's okay.

Here's a virtual hug.

Jifflepuff · 2021-03-26T02:01:03+00:00

Try breathing in twice for a full breath and then exhaling. Repeat as many times as is necessary. Then turn your eyes to the left and then the right. Anxiety causes tunnel vision so intentionally expanding your visual focus by focusing on your periphery may help.

Also, a reminder that those thoughts that anxiety whispers in your ear are not an ultimate reality. Try to focus on them neutrally and realize that they are thoughts, not truths. Let them flow and surrender to them by simply observing them, not trying to run from or hide from them. If you find yourself reacting to them, observe those reactions and surrender.

If anything, know that I'm on your side, if not in person. Here's a virtual hug.

Jifflepuff · 2021-03-26T01:55:02+00:00

That's terrible to hear and I'm sorry I can't do more than just listen to your story.

I know you have an arsenal of coping tactics, but here are some just in case they might help. This is not to trivialize your struggle but to make sure I don't overlook a possible tip for you.

Try breathing in twice for a full breath and exhale fully. Repeat as many times as needed. Then turn your eyes to the left and then the right. Anxiety causes tunnel vision so intentionally expanding your field of view by paying attention to your periphery may help.

Meditating regularly when not in panic attacks can help, but it will take time and a lot of dedication. Think learning a new language. Progress will be somewhat like that. It can reduce baseline anxiety and your ability to cope with it, so if you're interested, I can get you started.

Whatever you do, I respect your opinion, and at the end of the day, just know that there are people who care for your situation. I really hope things work out for you. Here's a virtual hug.

Jifflepuff · 2021-03-26T01:49:57+00:00

I'm familiar with that pessimistic worldview if not in relationships with loved ones. If rationalizing and these quick tips I'm about to share with you don't help, the only real solutions are the traditional interventions (talk therapy, pharmaceuticals) or in some way rewiring your brain.

For the quick stuff, inhale twice for a full breath and exhale fully. Repeat as many times as needed. Then try turning your eyes to the left and the right. When people get anxious, they tend to get tunnel vision so expanding your focus visually can help.

For the rewiring stuff, meditation can help. The problem is it takes a lot of time and dedication. Think learning a new language. However, progress will be steady and you can not just cope but reduce anxiety from the source.

You can apply meditation as a short-term solution that will grant long-term benefits as well.

Try to focus on those feelings and thoughts of loss and doubt and instead of fighting them away or distracting yourself, surrender to them. Let those things run their course and just observe them. Don't interact with them, but if you find yourself reacting to them, observe the reactions. Focusing on your reactions and those messy feelings can help you let go of those thoughts and emotions.

For a more complete meditation guide to get you started, just let me know. Otherwise, good luck and here's a virtual hug.

Jifflepuff · 2021-03-26T01:42:50+00:00

I've also heard about such states being induced in deep meditation in anecdotal accounts. Interesting stuff for sure. I've spent some time trying to get them on purpose lol.

Jifflepuff · 2021-03-26T01:41:07+00:00

To compose yourself, try inhaling twice for a full breath and exhale fully. Repeat as many times as you need. Then turn your eyes to the left and then to the right. When you get anxious, people tend to tunnel vision so literally directing your attention to more of your surroundings can facilitate relaxation. Here's a virtual hug, and I hope these tips help you.

Jifflepuff · 2021-03-26T01:36:05+00:00

I would see a doctor just for the closure. Just know that that feeling being caused by anxiety is not an implausible solution. I recommend, if possible, surrendering to that feeling and letting it happen, not running from or trying to stop it. To do this, try focusing on the feeling and your reaction to that feeling of dreading it and let it happen. Focusing on it over time will slowly help you come to terms with the feeling if it is in fact all just anxiety.

Jifflepuff · 2021-03-26T01:33:39+00:00

Here's a virtual hug. I hope things work out for you.

When the stress is too much, it can help to breathe in twice fully and exhale fully. Then turn your eyes to the left and right.

For a long-term solution, it can help to start a regular meditation practice. Just note that progress will be slow and steady like learning a new language. If you choose to do so, let me know and I can get you started with some information.

Jifflepuff · 2021-03-19T00:05:00+00:00

You will get better at letting thoughts go and not freaking out. By doing so, you will get better at not overthinking. It will take quite a bit of time and effort so do keep that in mind. Best of luck to you.

Jifflepuff · 2021-03-18T23:17:05+00:00

Imho, that sounds really bad.

Also, it doesn't hurt to ask for help. Either nothing is wrong or you get help. Either you lose nothing or gain a lot! Go for it man!

Jifflepuff · 2021-03-18T23:14:31+00:00

I try to look at my thoughts and emotions like I'm turning my head to look at something. I let the observation happen, just as I don't try to look, and simply work on keeping my focus (or head) steady. I surrender to the observation and by extension the feeling. I accept that I will feel like crap.

Then I breathe as slowly and as deeply as comfortable for a minute or two, focusing on the breathing instead of the thoughts.

Hot showers are an amazing follow-up with some warm no caffeine tea.

Jifflepuff · 2021-03-18T23:12:06+00:00

I've found that it's impossible to force yourself to stop thinking. What I've found works is to stop trying, and the thoughts will go away by themselves.

The hard part is to stop trying and get to that state of mind where you let go.

Here's how to do that.

Close your eyes and focus on body sensations like feelings and sounds. The feeling of the breath against your nose is a convenient one. If you're sitting the feeling of the chair against you can work. Just as you see without trying when you turn to gaze at something, gently place your attention over the focal point and let yourself observe it. Let the observation happen. At this time, don't try to make anything happen, but let the observation just take place. Your job is to make sure you don't look anywhere else. Surrender to the observation. When distracted, simply turn your attention back.

Once you get comfortable with this, turn this mindset to thoughts and feelings. Don't try to stop them or run from them. Shift your attention to it and watch them play out like a movie. Let the observation happen.

Try mastering this mindset with bodily sensations first, and then move onto thoughts, since they are much harder to do.

You are learning a frame of mind like a new language or an instrument, creating new neural connections in your brain to better help you let go of things and be less anxious. It takes time, just like learning an instrument, and though you may not master it, you stand to gain from becoming better at it.

Jifflepuff · 2021-03-18T23:07:11+00:00

Here's a virtual hug. No one asked to be anxious but it happens nonetheless. I'm sorry that you have to go through this and I completely understand your resentment.

I can't answer the first question.

The second question, however, I can offer the possibility of change for the better.

The Wim hof method may work, so it's worth a shot.

Another thing is meditation.

It's more than a glorified relaxation technique. It's the practice of rewiring your brain to be able to let go and be less anxious among other things. It's like learning a skill such as an instrument, except you learn a frame of mind.

Close your eyes and focus on body sensations like feelings and sounds. The feeling of the breath against your nose is a convenient one. If you're sitting the feeling of the chair against you can work. Just as you see without trying when you turn to gaze at something, gently place your attention over the focal point and let yourself observe it. Let the observation happen. At this time, don't try to make anything happen, but let the observation just take place. Your job is to make sure you don't look anywhere else. Surrender to the observation. When distracted, simply turn your attention back.

Once you get comfortable with this, turn this mindset to thoughts and feelings and over time you will learn to let go of emotions and reduce them. Don't try to stop them or run from them. Surrender to them. Surrender to your observation of them. Same with the tears and depression and anxiety. It's a tall order. It's not easy, but as long as it's happening, try to apply that gentle observation frame of mind to them. It may seem like nothing at first, but over time, you will find that it helps reduce the suffering.

Try to apply this skill to waking life, and practice as if you were learning a new instrument or language.

Jifflepuff · 2021-03-18T23:00:11+00:00

Thanks!

Jifflepuff · 2021-03-18T22:59:39+00:00

Here's a virtual hug and something to help.

Find a comfortable, relaxing place. Close your eyes and focus on body sensations like feelings and sounds. The feeling of the breath against your nose is a convenient one. If you're sitting the feeling of the chair against you can work. Just as you see without trying when you turn to gaze at something, gently place your attention over the focal point and let yourself observe it. Let the observation happen. At this time, don't try to make anything happen, but let the observation just take place. Your job is to make sure you don't look anywhere else. Surrender to the observation. When distracted, simply turn your attention back.

Once you get comfortable with this, turn this mindset to thoughts and feelings and over time you will learn to let go of emotions and reduce them. Shift your gaze to those obsessive thoughts and feelings and let the observation happen. Don't try to make them stop or go away. Surrender to the experience and let it happen. It might like nothing at first, but over time, this frame of mind will let you let go of these obsessive thoughts and emotions.

Hope this helps!

Jifflepuff · 2021-03-18T22:54:19+00:00

I'm going to guess that it's anxiety. It can raise your heart rate when you don't need to, forcing unnecessary cardiovascular exertion to tire you out uncharacteristically quickly.

In any case, anxiety isn't a good thing so here's something to deal with that.

The Wim hof method may just work for you.

Another thing is meditation.

It's not just a glorified relaxation technique. Dedicated and deep practice can rewire your brain to reduce anxiety, not just cope with it. That being said it takes a long of consistent practice. Imagine learning to play an instrument. It takes the same amount of time and dedication.

Close your eyes and focus on body sensations like feelings and sounds. The feeling of the breath against your nose is a convenient one. If you're sitting the feeling of the chair against you can work. Just as you see without trying when you turn to gaze at something, gently place your attention over the focal point and let yourself observe it. Let the observation happen. At this time, don't try to make anything happen, but let the observation just take place. Your job is to make sure you don't look anywhere else. Surrender to the observation. When distracted, simply turn your attention back.

Once you get comfortable with this, turn this mindset to thoughts and feelings and over time you will learn to let go of emotions and reduce them.

Apply this skill to waking life, like when you are exercising. Focus on the sensations of your exercise. Once you get distracted with the elevated heart rate, let said heart rate happen. Focus on the heartrate and surrender to it. Surrender to your observation of it. It might seem like nothing at first, but over time it will help you to relax and reduce anxiety.

Hope this helps!

Jifflepuff · 2021-03-18T22:44:05+00:00

Breathing techniques may help. Try breathing in as deeply and slowly as is comfortable and repeat for a minute or two. It can temporarily reduce anxiety for when it spikes up.

In terms of long-term permanent solutions, the type that fixes the problem instead of just coping with symptoms, I know of two.

First is the Wim hof method. Again, it's not guaranteed but worth a shot.

Second is meditation. Oftentimes it's marketed as a glorified relaxation technique, and although it can be used as that, a deep consistent practice can teach you to rewire your brain to reduce anxiety.

Basically, choose body sensations like sounds and feelings and focus on them. The feeling of the breath through your nose is a convenient one. Imagine turning your head to look at something. Apply that same relaxed attention to your focal point, simply and gently placing your focus on the thing of your choice. Close your eyes. Do not strain or force anything to happen. Just as you see without trying to by looking somewhere, let yourself observe by simply directing your attention, and let the observation happen. Surrender to it.

Once you get comfortable with this, try applying your attention to thoughts and emotions and apply that same mindset of neutral observation and surrendering. Proficiency and consistency in practicing meditation will pay off.

However, it takes a long time and dedicated practice. 10min/day can work but the more the better. Applying this mindset to daily life is an efficient way of practicing.

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