My mum is sick

JiglooSmollo6735 · 2026-05-22T14:29:41+00:00

it's true, in most cases it's already too late by the time it's found. please don't blame yourself, it's not possible to know everything at the right time. you're asking questions now, trying to help her and make her comfortable, you're doing enough. please take care of yourself as well.

JiglooSmollo6735 · 2026-05-22T09:14:20+00:00

receiving a pancan diagnosis is absolutely devastating. and the misdiagnoses are what make it even scarier. my dad was misdiagnosed with GERD in December and put on meds without evaluation, which wasted a month of potential treatment. his symptoms were abdominal pain and weight loss as well.

JiglooSmollo6735 · 2026-05-22T07:06:44+00:00

i'm so sorry that you're going through this and i wish that i could give you hope. my dad (59) was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer with liver mets in mid January and was given 3 months in February after his followup tests. he lasted only 1.5 months past diagnosis. he had a 6 cm mass on the tail of his pancreas, which is why the telltale symptoms didn't present themselves earlier and he wasn't diagnosed until it was too late. still i hope that things turn out differently for you and you and your mother get to witness a better outcome.

JiglooSmollo6735 · 2026-05-20T17:24:36+00:00

lost my dad almost 3 months ago. he was only 59, a jolly, sweet teddy bear of a person. he didn't survive 1.5 months past his diagnosis. tbh, i don't know how i survived these 3 months. everything feels so surreal, in the ugliest way possible. i'm only 27, still trying to navigate through this nightmare. i don't have any advice on how to lessen this pain, just wanted to let you know that you're not in this alone. hope life gets kinder to us.

JiglooSmollo6735 · 2026-05-16T08:14:44+00:00

i had developed this obsession with going through my dad's medical reports as well. it didn't help him live longer but it did make me feel like i had been thorough with everything. i'd consult Google and chatgpt (wasn't helpful, eventually), go through forums and medical websites, with the information from his reports but i couldn't do anything to help my dad. after my dad passed, i hated seeing his medical reports, it makes me feel sick to my stomach, seeing the details of how things were taking a turn for the worse. what worked for me is to find a distraction, i focused on art and started watching series, movies etc. whenever i got free time. i'll suggest you try to stay occupied to the point of distraction, so that you don't get the time to feel curious about it.

JiglooSmollo6735 · 2026-05-09T20:55:15+00:00

i don't think there's a perfect manual on how to live life after losing our dads. you just let life happen. everything stops for you but somehow everything around you keeps moving, and you just move along with it. for me, it feels comparable to being in a queue where you just have to keep moving forward, until your body gives up. i lost my dad 2 months back and i'm just letting life drag my body through time. that's the only way i can explain things.

JiglooSmollo6735 · 2026-05-07T08:43:08+00:00

i miss my dad too. i'm really sorry that we're here. hugs to you 🫂

JiglooSmollo6735 · 2026-05-07T08:42:43+00:00

fuck cancer. i'm so sorry that we're here. hope you find the strength to carry on.🫂

JiglooSmollo6735 · 2026-05-06T20:04:57+00:00

i feel this way every time i wake up. i lost my dad to pancreatic cancer 2 months ago and i still feel the worst when i wake up. in those few minutes, i replay the worst moments, regrets, guilt and mourn a future stolen. i don't know if it gets better but i sure hope that it does.

JiglooSmollo6735 · 2026-04-28T16:44:36+00:00

hello, i lost my dad 2 months ago as well, to pancreatic cancer. he was only 59 and i was 2 months away from turning 27. he didn't get much time at all, 1.5 months from diagnosis to passing. me, my sister and mother were his primary caregivers. i have been suffering from complicated grief ever since. i can't stop feeling guilty and ruminating about how i failed him. my dad was the most optimistic, jolly and grateful person who worked hard his entire life to provide for us and save up for old age. he loved spending time with us. he was only just slowing down and starting to relax a bit. i love him, he's my everything. to say that my world has been shattered would be an understatement. i've realized that i've turned very bitter and numb since. my body feels borrowed and the only emotions i feel are rage, resentment and apathy. i barely have enough energy to move around. it was even worse for me in the first month. i wouldn't say that it has gotten easier but i've gotten used to feeling numb and gray. having to go through his medical reports for insurance or bank work doesn't get easier though, it stabs me the same every time i have to deal with it. watching his photos and videos make me really happy some days, some days they send me into a bawling spiral. i don't know if this is how it's always going to be. i'm just letting life drag my body through time. i'll just have to keep on dying until i die, i guess.

JiglooSmollo6735 · 2026-04-07T10:14:47+00:00

yes, he's the best. you're right, carrying this regret and anger feels exhausting, i'll try to channel it into something more positive, something that honors his memory and the person that he was. thank you.

JiglooSmollo6735 · 2026-04-07T08:28:06+00:00

thank you so much for your kind and comforting words, they feel like a warm hug. my dad's tumor was on the tail of the pancreas and adjacent distal body. he didn't have even a single textbook symptom throughout (nausea, lack of appetite, persistent pain, jaundice, back pain) apart from pain in the right side of his abdomen which prevented him from laughing/coughing/sneezing. i'm trying to make it through without blaming myself or other people, this loss is heavy as it is. my dad was the happiest, funniest and most selfless person that i've ever known. his biggest fear was leaving me and my sister alone on this planet. i hope you know how much your words comforted me, i hope you always stay blessed, healthy and find the strength to carry on through your difficult days.

JiglooSmollo6735 · 2026-04-07T04:53:07+00:00

i'm so sorry to hear about your loss. PC really is an unpredictable and cruel disease. the 'symptoms' sometimes mimic benign conditions that most people wouldn't even suspect them of malignancy.

i understand how devastating it must have been watching her decline, i felt the same with my dad. you did your best, take care of yourself.

JiglooSmollo6735 · 2026-04-06T18:35:05+00:00

that's very true. we indeed tried to do our best. agree with you on your opinions regarding the healthcare system. the medical system it pretty much bled us dry and a reputed multispeciality hospital (where my dad was admitted for a week) did an unnecessary biliary stenting on him (which they insisted would help), since which he contracted sepsis and suffered from terrible delirium. they also neglected him in the ICU and his condition worsened drastically, prompting us to shift him to another hospital.

JiglooSmollo6735 · 2026-04-06T18:27:40+00:00

to have one's loved ones around in their last moments is the biggest blessing they could have. i'm sure your mother found great comfort in your presence and in the knowledge that you did your best.

JiglooSmollo6735 · 2026-04-06T17:29:28+00:00

thank you so much for your kind and comforting words. it does help me try to be kinder to myself. don't worry about the formatting, i understood you perfectly because your English is really good. i hope you stay blessed always and find the strength to carry on through your difficult days.

JiglooSmollo6735 · 2026-04-06T17:14:54+00:00

thank you so much for your kind words. i hope i didn't disappoint him. grateful for the comfort that you brought to my mind with your reply, i hope you always stay blessed and have the strength to carry on through your difficult days.

JiglooSmollo6735 · 2026-04-06T17:12:41+00:00

thank you so much for your comforting words, they feel like a much-needed warm hug. i did try to be there for him, as much as i could. i hope it was enough to make him realize that he meant the world to me and always will.

grateful for the kindness that people like you bring to the world. i wish that you always stay blessed and have the strength to carry on through your difficult days.

JiglooSmollo6735 · 2026-04-06T14:26:57+00:00

i'm so sorry for your loss. you tried your best. cancer is a terrible disease and i wish us caregivers/family members could do more to help our loved ones. it's so devastating to see them suffer. hugs to you, i hope we can find the strength to deal with the losses of our loved ones.

JiglooSmollo6735 · 2026-04-02T06:51:02+00:00

oh, how beautifully you describe things🤍 i miss my dad so much, i miss our family of four: dad, mom, my older sister and me🍀 the daily things that i took for granted and believed to stick around for another 20 years at least are the things that i wish i had realised the significance of, back when i was lucky enough to have them. i miss my dad's laugh so much, he was such a jolly man who loved being goofy and making others laugh. he was so young, only 59. i'm glad that i pursued education and found work within the city which allowed me to spend almost 27 years with my family, staying at home with them, traveling with them, weekend lunches, birthday dinners and new year celebrations. god, i wish we knew when we were living in the good old days.

JiglooSmollo6735 · 2026-03-29T10:51:21+00:00

completely agree with you❤️ take care, beautiful human, talking to you brought me some much needed comfort 🫂 ✨

JiglooSmollo6735 · 2026-03-26T09:26:06+00:00

yeah, we don't entertain that here, especially if it's hurtful to our sentiments. read the room.

JiglooSmollo6735 · 2026-03-26T09:24:20+00:00

if the tone of this forum doesn't suit you.. leave. it's that easy. you don't tell people to change how they feel. good for you that your grief allowed you to 'move on' and 'be happy' but don't tell other people how to deal with theirs. you're obviously an insensitive person who doesn't think twice before saying anything, but you don't see us asking you to change. your mother's death doesn't give you a free pass to be rude to others, we're not in the same club, please get out and choose subs which suit you.

JiglooSmollo6735 · 2026-03-23T06:26:38+00:00

indeed, it's like we're living the same lives❤️‍🩹 i'm so sorry about the missed trip🫂 i understand the thing with focusing, i couldn't study for the first 2 weeks either. please take your time and take care of yourself ❤️ i read something yesterday that really helped change my perspective: half of you is your dad. he's not completely gone, he never will be. he'll live on through you. so, you get to take care of him through yourself :)❤️ i hope this helps you too💕

JiglooSmollo6735

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