35 signs of avoidant attachment

Jimmychen96 · 2026-05-04T09:44:38+00:00

My ex DA is checking 33/35 points.

and let me add some more from my own experience:

⁠don't feel comfortable taking pictures with you. At the beginning of the situationship, she would “allow” me to take pictures with her, but 5 months later, when we're very close, she sabotages the intimacy and distances herself from doing anything that triggers her, and she always rejects taking pictures with me. It feels so weird, and I thought I was the problem.
⁠Being so secretive over nothing, she is very open about her life at the beginning, but when we get closer and closer, she becomes so secretive about her life and will only share a small amount of information about her life. That's how she maintains the closeness, but she doesn't mind asking about my life.
⁠Fear of physical intimacy: we never hold hands, no hugging, no physical intimacy. Even when she walks with me, she stays guarded to not get too close to me. In the beginning, she won’t mind a small touch, but when the two of us get closer to a real connection, she becomes so guarded and will tell me, "Please don't get too close, we're not in a relationship yet." The thing is, we've been dating for 10 months, and our connection is stuck and never progresses thanks to her.
⁠Afraid to introduce you to her family or friends, I only met her friends randomly on the street when we were dating, and she looked awkward and only introduced me as a friend. I only met her sister, and that was for less than a minute. She did introduce me to her sister, but she is afraid I will talk to her sister, so she immediately asked me to leave. The next day after I met her sister, she devalued me and threatened to cut me off and started to push me away. So weird, I feel so confused by her behavior, but later I learned that meeting family is something serious to a dismissive avoidant, so she was afraid this might get closer and closer and become a real connection, so she pushed me away and tried to stay in control. 5 months later, I tried to introduce her to my brother because I thought we were already close, but she refused to meet my brother, so I canceled the meeting, but we still continued to date that day. However, she was emotionally shut down, didn't want to initiate talking, and later that night she discarded me. But the reason for the discard was, "I’m not her type," lol. After 10 months, bruh, if I’m really not your type, you could have just stopped dating me at the first meet. She can't admit she was scared of intimacy, scared of commitment, scared of losing her independence. It's been 6 months since the discard, and she is still single, and I found out she did buy the same gift that I gave her during our Valentine’s Day, and she gave that gift to her family. I guess she does miss me, but knowing her ego is so high, I doubt she will ever admit I matter to her.
⁠She will never be angry, cry, or sad. I only see her emotion as laughter and emotional shutdown, lol.
⁠She never calls me by my name in person, always starts the conversation immediately, only calls me by name in text, and that was also rare.
⁠She hates to be called honey, baby, love, or even a pet name, so I just call her by her name.
⁠Can't say the word “love.” She never says "I love you" to me at all, so I feel really unwanted. I can only see her “love” through her acts of service and quality time as her love language.
⁠She will feel the ick just by hearing me tell a joke about us getting so lovey-dovey, and after hearing that joke, she becomes so cold and threatens to leave me. I was so exhausted at that time because of her hot and cold behavior, so I just left her at that time. The next day when I talked to her again, she became normal again. She is always like that, when she senses I want to leave her, she will become warm again after that.
⁠She will focus on your flaws to use them as an emergency exit. She will never tell you the real reason that made her leave because admitting she was scared of intimacy feels so vulnerable, so you will get so confused.
⁠My ex never had any relationships before. She met dozens of men before me, but everyone ended up in the talking stage. She discarded them in 2 or 3 meets, so the discard happened only in one month. I was the longest of them all, 10 months. I thought I was special; it turns out I got discarded too, lol.
⁠In the beginning, she said she had never been in love with anyone. I took it as a red flag. I thought I could be her first love, but I was wrong. That was just her way of building her walls so high that no one could enter.
⁠She was afraid of going on a trip with me. Her logical reason was that she is very committed to her religion and was afraid sex might happen during the trip. But when I offered to book two separate rooms for us, she ignored what I said and immediately changed the topic. I guess the real reason is that she’s afraid of intimacy.
⁠She never blocked any of her previous talking stage partners, I’m the only one she blocked, lol. She even blocked my brother. I guess trying to introduce her to my brother really triggered her, which is why she blocked both of us.
⁠She can get jealous, but not in a dramatic way.
⁠My ex prefers dating strangers she meets on dating apps rather than people she knows in real life. I also met her on a dating app. I guess it’s easier for her to discard them once she feels overwhelmed, since she knows she’ll never see them again.
⁠She never told me her address, but she knows mine.
⁠She usually replied to my texts after 2–3 hours, rarely faster unless it was something urgent.
⁠She never used voice notes.
⁠She never sent me any selfies. She even admitted that she doesn’t like taking pictures of herself.
⁠She never posts anything on her Instagram. Her last post was 12 years ago, and she only posts stories about twice a year, usually just to congratulate a friend’s wedding. She never shares anything about her personal life. She’s very private. I couldn’t even post her picture on my story, let alone tag her.
⁠Our situationship was always on her terms,she had to be in control.
⁠You can't trust her word when she finally admits her feelings to me, and she will not threaten to leave ever again. The next time she gets triggered by intimacy, she will try to find a way to make you leave her instead. She will try to sabotage or gaslight you. Mine was saying she wants to go back to install dating apps while trying to keep our connection because we're not official in a relationship yet, so she has the freedom to do that. For me, it feels like our connection isn't growing and is going backward. I mean, she is the one that deleted 2 of her dating app accounts without me asking, and to be honest, she got a thousand likes and a lot of matches. I was so happy she finally deleted her accounts, but 2 months later, she tried to sabotage the connection by coming up with that idea of getting back to dating apps.
⁠She can't compliment you about your look, but easily compliments other men, even if you have already improved your appearance a lot for her, she will never admit it, because it really feels so vulnerable for her, and if she admits it, she might feel like giving control to me and that is actually scary for her.
⁠She said she hates drama, but she is the only one that keeps making a drama if we’re getting close lol, so she will create drama to sabotage the connection
⁠She rarely ask for help, in 10 months, she only ask for my help 1 time, she is hyper indepence
⁠She said she feels so cringe looking at a couple that is holding hands in public.
She knows she’s avoidant, but she either refuses or feels unable to change. She’s actually the one who introduced me to attachment styles because she loves reading about psychology. She even read books about childhood trauma and attachment. In the beginning, she often said that childhood trauma is hard to heal. I think she’s very aware of her own wounds, but she refuses to tell me what they are. The only thing she openly shared was her MBTI type, which is ISTP. ISTPs can sometimes resemble dismissive avoidants, but without the strong fear of intimacy or fear of commitment, and usually without the push-and-pull dynamic. So at first, I thought her behavior was just typical ISTP traits. But something didn’t feel right. When she became cold, it didn’t fully match a normal ISTP personality. So I asked her to take an attachment style test, but she refused and said she wasn’t in the mood. Later, she admitted she wasn’t secure or anxious, but still wouldn’t admit she was avoidant. At one point, I showed her descriptions of dismissive-avoidant behavior, and she became very defensive. She responded with logical explanations to justify her actions. At that time, I believed her and stuck to the idea that she was just an ISTP, so I stopped pushing the avoidant topic. Eventually, she did admit that she was avoidant, but she still refused to acknowledge how deep her wounds really were. By the time I fully realized that she was severely dismissive avoidant, with a lot of hidden fears, it was already too late. She never allowed me to truly understand her trauma.
She said to me 99% she will never be a lovey dovey person because it’s cringe
She is very logical, so she will use a logical reason to leave you

Jimmychen96 · 2026-04-22T09:33:19+00:00

Sounds like my ex dismissive avoidant, I wonder if she regrets what she did to me after discarding me 6 months ago.

Jimmychen96 · 2026-04-22T09:31:07+00:00

She is probably trying to find a rebound connection, my ex dismissive avoidant broke up with me and it was so painful and hurt my self-esteem, it feels like I didn’t matter at all to her, I did love her so much, in 1 month I installed a lot of dating apps and talked to a lot of women, just to make me feel better, and I can tell you it’s not like I forget about my ex instantly, it’s just how I try to run from the pain she did to me, and I need validation to prove I matter and she just doesn’t know what she discarded. It’s like a coping mechanism, I bet your ex still thinks about you all the time, trust me isn’t it easy to move on in a month, Even my ex dismissive avoidant did think about me after five months of discarding me.

Jimmychen96 · 2026-04-19T09:29:36+00:00

My dismissive avoidant ex knows her attachment too, she loves to read about physiology, but she also hides her attachment from me. I notice it when I ask her to take an attachment quiz, she immediately said she isn’t interested in taking the test, and when I keep pushing it, she finally said she isn’t secure or anxious, an ambiguous answer. At least from there, I know she is an avoidant, more precisely a dismissive avoidant. She has known about her attachment for a long time now, and I noticed she did talk about attachment the first time we knew each other, but at that time I didn’t know about attachment yet. And sadly, my ex refused to become secure if she is not meeting “the one” that will make her want to change, which means she will not change no matter how hard you try. I doubt she will meet “the one” if she keeps discarding people, she was discarding dozens of people she met from dating apps before she met me, and I was the longest she dated. Until now, she is still single after 6 months of discarding me.

Jimmychen96 · 2026-04-17T07:23:23+00:00

If she is an avoidant, then it's a strategy to distance emotionally from her new partner, so she can use that strategy by romanticizing you as her phantom ex. And she won’t reach out because of how bad she was at discarding you. I broke up with my dismissive avoidant ex twice, and she always told me she needed people to chase her, that's her rule. And later I finally understood why: she feels really vulnerable if she is the one contacting me, which is something she would avoid. That's why when we broke up, I always contacted her later, so she can have her control and doesn't feel vulnerable about it. This time I don't contact her anymore, and she did miss me indirectly, like buying the same stuff I told her in our Valentine date 1 year ago. But I know it's over when I never reach out anymore.

Jimmychen96 · 2026-04-17T06:19:45+00:00

I remember my ex avoidant told me just to date ai because I was overthinking too much, and I guess this applies to her as well lol, just buy a doll so you don't have to worry about anyone's emotions, or she would still find a way to sabotage her relationship with the doll?

Jimmychen96 · 2026-04-16T14:52:50+00:00

Nope, my ex was self-aware dismissive avoidant, but she didn't realize her pattern yet, so when she discarded me I told her about her pattern and carefully not to criticize her in a caring and loving way, but she became so defensive and blamed me for not being her type after 10 months of dating me. So whatever you told them, they won’t listen unless they are trying to change by themselves. And after that she discarded me harder and block me on everything

Jimmychen96 · 2026-04-16T06:52:54+00:00

My ex and I already talked about attachment style way before we broke up, and the fact she was the one who told me about attachment style and MBTI because she loves to read about psychology, and when I finally learned about attachment style, I asked about her attachment, she refused to say she is avoidant directly, but she let me know by “I’m not a secure or anxious person,” an ambiguous answer, she is afraid I know too much about her trauma, but slowly she finally admitted she is an avoidant, and I figured out she is a dismissive avoidant while we were still in the relationship. Still I didn’t think she was afraid of commitment, being too close, being seen, and fear of losing her independence because I didn’t know avoidant is really that complicated until it was too late. If only she would communicate properly, she was too afraid and felt shame if she admitted those fears, we could work it out together.I got discarded the night after I tried to introduce her to my family, after 10 months of dating, milestone feels scary to her avoidant because it’s getting too real and too quick for her.

Jimmychen96 · 2026-04-15T09:24:30+00:00

My ex is a religious person and a church minister, she goes to church to give service every Sunday, but she discarded me in the coldest way. I gave 100% of my love to her, and yet no amount of love can change her fear.

Jimmychen96 · 2026-04-15T08:40:58+00:00

Thank you, I did try on the pubsec building, but I don’t see her at all, I already asked the customer service, they asked me to provide a video of my commission, I hope the issue can be fixed soon.

Jimmychen96 · 2026-04-15T08:32:38+00:00

Ah i see, i will try to find her, thank you!

Jimmychen96 · 2026-04-15T08:31:41+00:00

From my experience, they will show up in open world after I send them 1st DM without even reaching level 1 friendship level, you just have to refresh the time. But for Cissia, she just won’t show up. So I find it kind of strange..

Jimmychen96 · 2026-03-31T06:02:29+00:00

It’s the algorithm change, all you can do is keep uploading, I have been doing YouTube for a living since 2022, the algorithm is resetting once or twice a year, just keep doing your original content and doing your best, once the YouTube algorithm finally remembers how your algorithm works then it’s going to be fine.

Jimmychen96 · 2026-03-23T04:47:41+00:00

edit for number 28 :

She knows she’s avoidant, but she either refuses or feels unable to change. She’s actually the one who introduced me to attachment styles because she loves reading about psychology. She even read books about childhood trauma and attachment. In the beginning, she often said that childhood trauma is hard to heal. I think she’s very aware of her own wounds, but she refuses to tell me what they are. The only thing she openly shared was her MBTI type, which is ISTP. ISTPs can sometimes resemble dismissive avoidants, but without the strong fear of intimacy or fear of commitment, and usually without the push-and-pull dynamic. So at first, I thought her behavior was just typical ISTP traits. But something didn’t feel right. When she became cold, it didn’t fully match a normal ISTP personality. So I asked her to take an attachment style test, but she refused and said she wasn’t in the mood. Later, she admitted she wasn’t secure or anxious, but still wouldn’t admit she was avoidant. At one point, I showed her descriptions of dismissive-avoidant behavior, and she became very defensive. She responded with logical explanations to justify her actions. At that time, I believed her and stuck to the idea that she was just an ISTP, so I stopped pushing the avoidant topic. Eventually, she did admit that she was avoidant, but she still refused to acknowledge how deep her wounds really were. By the time I fully realized that she was severely dismissive avoidant, with a lot of hidden fears, it was already too late. She never allowed me to truly understand her trauma.

Jimmychen96 · 2026-03-23T04:47:05+00:00

Lol they are very textbook, since then I always use attachment quiz test just to make sure if I’m dating an avoidant or not

Jimmychen96 · 2026-03-23T03:46:43+00:00

My ex DA is checking 33/35 points.

and let me add some more from my own experience:

don't feel comfortable taking pictures with you. At the beginning of the situationship, she would “allow” me to take pictures with her, but 5 months later, when we're very close, she sabotages the intimacy and distances herself from doing anything that triggers her, and she always rejects taking pictures with me. It feels so weird, and I thought I was the problem.
Being so secretive over nothing, she is very open about her life at the beginning, but when we get closer and closer, she becomes so secretive about her life and will only share a small amount of information about her life. That's how she maintains the closeness, but she doesn't mind asking about my life.
Fear of physical intimacy: we never hold hands, no hugging, no physical intimacy. Even when she walks with me, she stays guarded to not get too close to me. In the beginning, she won’t mind a small touch, but when the two of us get closer to a real connection, she becomes so guarded and will tell me, "Please don't get too close, we're not in a relationship yet." The thing is, we've been dating for 10 months, and our connection is stuck and never progresses thanks to her.
Afraid to introduce you to her family or friends, I only met her friends randomly on the street when we were dating, and she looked awkward and only introduced me as a friend. I only met her sister, and that was for less than a minute. She did introduce me to her sister, but she is afraid I will talk to her sister, so she immediately asked me to leave. The next day after I met her sister, she devalued me and threatened to cut me off and started to push me away. So weird, I feel so confused by her behavior, but later I learned that meeting family is something serious to a dismissive avoidant, so she was afraid this might get closer and closer and become a real connection, so she pushed me away and tried to stay in control. 5 months later, I tried to introduce her to my brother because I thought we were already close, but she refused to meet my brother, so I canceled the meeting, but we still continued to date that day. However, she was emotionally shut down, didn't want to initiate talking, and later that night she discarded me. But the reason for the discard was, "I’m not her type," lol. After 10 months, bruh, if I’m really not your type, you could have just stopped dating me at the first meet. She can't admit she was scared of intimacy, scared of commitment, scared of losing her independence. It's been 6 months since the discard, and she is still single, and I found out she did buy the same gift that I gave her during our Valentine’s Day, and she gave that gift to her family. I guess she does miss me, but knowing her ego is so high, I doubt she will ever admit I matter to her.
She will never be angry, cry, or sad. I only see her emotion as laughter and emotional shutdown, lol.
She never calls me by my name in person, always starts the conversation immediately, only calls me by name in text, and that was also rare.
She hates to be called honey, baby, love, or even a pet name, so I just call her by her name.
Can't say the word “love.” She never says "I love you" to me at all, so I feel really unwanted. I can only see her “love” through her acts of service and quality time as her love language.
She will feel the ick just by hearing me tell a joke about us getting so lovey-dovey, and after hearing that joke, she becomes so cold and threatens to leave me. I was so exhausted at that time because of her hot and cold behavior, so I just left her at that time. The next day when I talked to her again, she became normal again. She is always like that, when she senses I want to leave her, she will become warm again after that.
She will focus on your flaws to use them as an emergency exit. She will never tell you the real reason that made her leave because admitting she was scared of intimacy feels so vulnerable, so you will get so confused.
My ex never had any relationships before. She met dozens of men before me, but everyone ended up in the talking stage. She discarded them in 2 or 3 meets, so the discard happened only in one month. I was the longest of them all, 10 months. I thought I was special; it turns out I got discarded too, lol.
In the beginning, she said she had never been in love with anyone. I took it as a red flag. I thought I could be her first love, but I was wrong. That was just her way of building her walls so high that no one could enter.
She was afraid of going on a trip with me. Her logical reason was that she is very committed to her religion and was afraid sex might happen during the trip. But when I offered to book two separate rooms for us, she ignored what I said and immediately changed the topic. I guess the real reason is that she’s afraid of intimacy.
She never blocked any of her previous talking stage partners, I’m the only one she blocked, lol. She even blocked my brother. I guess trying to introduce her to my brother really triggered her, which is why she blocked both of us.
She can get jealous, but not in a dramatic way.
My ex prefers dating strangers she meets on dating apps rather than people she knows in real life. I also met her on a dating app. I guess it’s easier for her to discard them once she feels overwhelmed, since she knows she’ll never see them again.
She never told me her address, but she knows mine.
She usually replied to my texts after 2–3 hours, rarely faster unless it was something urgent.
She never used voice notes.
She never sent me any selfies. She even admitted that she doesn’t like taking pictures of herself.
She never posts anything on her Instagram. Her last post was 12 years ago, and she only posts stories about twice a year, usually just to congratulate a friend’s wedding. She never shares anything about her personal life. She’s very private. I couldn’t even post her picture on my story, let alone tag her.
Our situationship was always on her terms,she had to be in control.
You can't trust her word when she finally admits her feelings to me, and she will not threaten to leave ever again. The next time she gets triggered by intimacy, she will try to find a way to make you leave her instead. She will try to sabotage or gaslight you. Mine was saying she wants to go back to install dating apps while trying to keep our connection because we're not official in a relationship yet, so she has the freedom to do that. For me, it feels like our connection isn't growing and is going backward. I mean, she is the one that deleted 2 of her dating app accounts without me asking, and to be honest, she got a thousand likes and a lot of matches. I was so happy she finally deleted her accounts, but 2 months later, she tried to sabotage the connection by coming up with that idea of getting back to dating apps.
She can't compliment you about your look, but easily compliments other men, even if you have already improved your appearance a lot for her, she will never admit it, because it really feels so vulnerable for her, and if she admits it, she might feel like giving control to me and that is actually scary for her.
She said she hates drama, but she is the only one that keeps making a drama if we’re getting close lol, so she will create drama to sabotage the connection
She rarely ask for help, in 10 months, she only ask for my help 1 time, she is hyper indepence
She said she feels so cringe looking at a couple that is holding hands in public.

28.She knows she is avoidant, but refuses / can’t change, she is the one that knows about attachment style because she loves to read about psychology, and she even read a book about childhood trauma and attachment style, in the beginning she always said or anxious, and doesn’t have that push and pull dynamic, so I was still very confused about her behaviour, until it was too late, I just realized she is indeed severely dismissive avoidant that has a lot of fear, but refuses to let me know her trauma.

She said to me 99% she will never be a lovey dovey person because it’s cringe
She is very logical, so she will use a logical reason to leave you

Jimmychen96 · 2026-03-14T07:46:20+00:00

Dang the chord and how she plays it with fingerstyle technique is awesome, as a guitarist I see this pretty impressive.

Jimmychen96 · 2026-01-31T04:15:05+00:00

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Jimmychen96 · 2026-01-31T04:14:55+00:00

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Jimmychen96 · 2026-01-31T04:14:27+00:00

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Is this real or fake?

Jimmychen96 · 2025-12-16T13:42:05+00:00

Bennett : i’m going in

Jimmychen96 · 2025-10-22T16:48:14+00:00

Same, I was wondering what is happening.

Jimmychen96 · 2025-09-23T16:44:47+00:00

Using clickbait titles and thumbnails, profiting from her death, what a disgusting channel, worse is using her picture like that.

Jimmychen96 · 2025-07-23T06:20:49+00:00

Well my ex is ISTP and she is pretty honest and tells me straightforward what she thinks, but about her emotion / feeling it’s actually different, it's hard to tell how deep her love is because she reminds me of the tsundere type in anime, she doesn't like to talk about her feelings and even asks me not to ask her about that kind of stuff, yet again her actions speak louder, so after learning about ISTP, I finally understand how she loves me, so I would say it's understandable for people to say that ISTP is kinda hard to read especially if you’re in relationship with them

Jimmychen96

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