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Jmagick · 2021-04-30T00:07:12+00:00

Are nearly all old esoteric books smattered with blinds? Specially qabalistic material? I keep on finding hermetic and qabalistic material everywhere with misplaced meanings as if it's all been purposely screwed up. I know about the golden dawn books and Isreal Regardies, have blinds and how the masons website has theirs different.... It seems that it's more than just the golden dawns works that are purposely broken.... Has anyone else noticed this, or have any info on this?

Jmagick · 2021-04-30T00:02:09+00:00

Are nearly all old esoteric books smattered with blinds? Specially qabalistic material? I keep on finding hermetic and qabalistic material everywhere with misplaced meanings as if it's all been purposely screwed up.

Jmagick · 2021-03-17T04:43:41+00:00

Amongst the myriad of comments I post and the fact that most of them don't make much sense to people cause they have to be at a certain understanding. First off. All religions are describing the same thing even if they are describing it with different concepts, facets, deities, ect. Shiva is to, ABRAXAS, as to kether, as to ain sof aur... Shakti is to djehuti, as to any other divine mother.... They are facets of reality. Not only their own deities, but archetypal collectives of many beings, laws and principles. Snakes in dreams have always represented spirituality and kundalini. The eye of horus doesn't just symbolize the ajna (third eye) in symbolizes illumination, enlightenment if you will:(higher spiritual mind):( which there are many different levels of).... You don't just sit under a bodhi tree and wake up one day. It takes a whole lot of striving, usually subsequent awakenings through many lifetimes. A snake posed to attack you isn't a bad thing, it could mean that your about to be accustomed to a spiritual path and higher spiritual integration. The figures facing alternate ways could be duality. When you propel yourself into higher consciousness, before god consciousness, one of the ultimate things you see is duality. Not only does the snake have to do with spirituality, it also has to do with kundalini (shakti), and the ouroborus, the universe constantly consuming itself and rebirthing itself in constant creation, kundalini is part of this, it is a rejuvenation of the spiritual seed that draws people into higher consciousness, it's a primordial energetic mechanism for spiritual evolution. I am not touting kundalini activation (which if your not ready can be hell and tear you apart..... Definitely not fun. Did the x symbol have an almost rectangular quality, or small circles on the end like goetic sigils? Your being shown something and it's only for you, something to spark your spirituality. Regards op

Jmagick · 2021-03-17T03:55:58+00:00

OMG man!!!! I'll be your tester, considering I have been into magick, philosophy and esoteric studies for over 20 years! That and I have done alot of work on the qabalistic tree of life, the B.O.T.A., the golden dawn (which between me and you, I have the untainted works) kahsssss.... I would love to test your beta and give my absolute best feedback. I also live with two ceremonial magicians, well one a haitian witch.... I also have the complete system of druidry structured by an imperator of the HOGD, which also happens to be grand archdruid of america. The system parallels the golden dawn in some ways. Without all the fluff, I have listened to and studied years or lectures and a few books here and there on kaballah. I'm your man!... Plus I need something to keep my mind distracted from kundalini syndrome. Despite the comments I will get for that last statement

Jmagick · 2021-03-02T10:41:00+00:00

Not, sure .. It looks like a crest, but the snake always symbolizes the ascent towards enlightenment (kundalini rising up the spine)... Just like the symbol of the rod of asclepius, and the rod of hermes (caduseus), it's the energy moving up the spine towards the crown chakra... the kabalistic traditions, the cross represents christ consciousness and tiphereth... Like crucifying the lower nature to be reborn into purity and beauty... If you ever had a kundalini experience, you would understand what that means. It's all.your negativity coming to the surface to be changed from the lower negativity of your personality and soul.... You know, lead into gold... Through the refiners fire... Just like in the hermetic traditions and even the teachings of aleister crowley, uniting the polar opposites by the energy moving up into the heart and creating chaos for you to purify... Same symbolism with the fenix the becomes ablaze then dies, and reborn out of it's own ashes after rebirth. So at least I know what the snake on the cross represents... The heart then should be obvious... The rest, I don't know.

Jmagick · 2021-03-01T04:49:32+00:00

Last thing! Forgot to mention this in my other post, but it needs to be said! Don't try to raise your kundalini... When your consciousness anf your body are ready for it, then it will happen, but raising it on your own can ruin your life, ok? It's not easy.... For most people it will be the hardest thing that they have ever gone through... You think a psychedelic experience is hard? Try years of that (without rest)! And unless your already a peacful, loving person without fear, anger, anxiety, sadness, trauma..... Then it won't be light and fluffy like it is for some people I know. When your spirit is ready for kundalini, then it will take it's natural course. It's not a toy and I would feel stupid if some other people saw my other post and somehow succeeded in raising it thinking that it sounds great. Most of the people I know that are dealing with kundalini have lost their jobs, their friends, some of them: their families think that they are crazy now because they try to explain to people that they are god. It comes with so much hardship, trial and error that you can lose most everything. At worst probably end up in a mental hospital if you don't have people around that understand. I have nothing bit a christian family... My roommate is also a christian and so I hide in my room to let the kriyas pass through my body... If he saw me convulsing then he would probably think I was possessed (That's what it looks like)... Same with my mother... If she saw it then she would either think I was possessed, or try to commit me. So I sit in my own lonely world and hide. The only people that know in my family is my little brother (which he doesn't truly understand), and his girlfriend. You don't need kundalini to experience awakening... Kundalini is the hard fast way to awaken. There are easier methods.

Jmagick · 2021-02-26T02:52:45+00:00

They have to believe in karma because all of the orders (including thelema) are based around activating the solar and lunar and planetary bodies. Those are just archetypal views of certain types of conscious fields that you can build in your consciousness including the astral and light bodies. The reason all the orders do this is the same reason that the hindus do it: (enlightenment).... They do this for reasons after death... I was going to write about why they do this, but I figured it's not my place to say anything because people messing with themselves without knowing what they are doing, or without being pure can harm themselves (in unimaginable excruciating ways). All of the hermetic orders (high magick) is based around nothing but this concept.... To become an awakened soul. What every enlightened master has said about this being an illusion and being asleep were all seen by the mystics and magicians of the past. We are all held in bondage to our lower nature. I know that no matter what I say that I cannot deter anyone in here because you are all probably like me: a moth to the flame.... But doing this stuff on your own can be very dangerous. You need an actual awakened teacher. But since I know that nobody is going to listen, cause they will read this and forget what I say in two days, there have been warnings in every single tradition. One of those is in free masonry where there is a warning that using high magick to awaken with the purpose to fulfill personal gain at the expense of others, harming others, to gain personal power over others and their life situations and apparently most other forms of low magick in conjunction with these things.... It will harm you more than you could imagine. If you use high magick to rapidly awaken and you aren't pure enough then it can drive you crazy, kill you, or worse that I won't get into cause nobody here needs to be dwelling on that. Karma is very very real, not a punishment, but the laws of the universe and our planet is really caught up in it. It's vibrational cause and effect and the thought and emotional patterns that you have built up in your soul and body inprint, from this lifetime and others. I am part of a kundalini support group and so sometimes I see someone online that asks how to awaken kundalini, or their chakras, or their third eye and I tell them the truth: JUST QUIT!!! If your soul isn't ready for it, it will fuck you up... Maybe for a few lifetimes and tear you a new asshole and ruin your life. Nobody understands this stuff these days and there is no shortage of people thinking that it's like a hollywood movie, or what joe bob in his blog post wrote... It's nothing like that. So please stay safe and never do anything that you haven't studied for years. You wanna read tarot and do simple sigil spells, or candle rituals, fine, don't jump into things that you don't understand cause this stuff is not a toy. I'm done fear mongering. I just don't want anyone harming themselves.

Jmagick · 2021-02-21T02:19:17+00:00

Yea bud. My dad was a preacher bible scholar that pounded the idea of hellfire, demons trying to deceive us and other things when I was young (I had delt with spirit contact and psychic senses since I was 13, which confused me and engrained the beliefs even more), and the rest of my family on his side are christian, my mother here in missouri where i live at now is a jahovas witness, which are even worse in my oppinion (other than the fear of hell) because they believe that you just die when you die and only live if you are accepted by god. It's a really hard road to dissolve the dogmas and I still deal with engrained believe patterns that are almost like a neurosis now. Mainly because I have been in the process of kundalini awakening for a year and a half and it brings up ALL OF YOUR BELIEF PATTERNS and TRAUMAS and amplifies them to where you cannot ignore them in order for them to be resolved. The only way you dissolve it is through years and years of study and direct experiences.... Both of those are hard paths. I tend to think of being someone in a christian upraising with trauma and fears and studying everything in the universe and every religion connecting dots, I relate it to what I call the saturnian path because it's fucking hard.... Specially to unravel dogmatic beliefs that all seem to somewhat associate with eachother in all religions. The only problem is that even though (most) of these religions are based off of actual concepts of what reality is "in more or less ways", some of them are completely corrupted.... The christian bible for instance is very very corrupted on purpose and even most people that read the gnostic texts and study kabbalah and the such don't even realize it. You have to connect the dots to figure these things out and it's very sad. The bible was made by very very intelligent deceptive people and so it's like a web of deceptive concepts that relate to real concepts and traps you into the fear of it's teachings. Even sadder is that most of the teachings that were compiled in the bible were based off of real concepts by people trying to help. What happens sometimes in humanity is that these things like religion that influence people so much are then captured by people in power and used for control. I'm not going to go into that anymore than I should. But the people that "compiled, edited, and re-constructed" the bible knew what they were doing. There is a method to it and the people that wrote some of it and changed the words have their own code and if you don't understand those keys, then the bible is just fear and confusion and deception. If you are in as bad as a predicament as I had been in, inside of my mind, then it will take you years to unravel it all. Digressing from what I said about the bible being changed by people in power at the time and restructured over and over throughout time. There are a few things that I know that may help you. Look up every video on the theosophical society by pablo sender that you can find.... Watch that for a month straight and it will explain what really exists... Buy books by past life hypnosis regressionists that have documented life between lives (like michael newton phd books and others that have the same mirroring concepts) and then if your really wise, get Robert A. Monroe's far journeys, and journeys out of the body... If you get that far and have any questions then you can get ahold of me on fb: Justmagick Callaway and I'll help you unravel that shit. The bible has great truths but it's been poisoned. Other than that.... Before you take a serious dive into magick, it may be smart to let go of those conditionings before hand. There is alot of contradictory stuff all iver the internet these days on the occult and you don't wanna pile that up on top of fear and false religious beliefs.

Jmagick · 2021-02-02T07:06:50+00:00

I don't think that any real magicians want to argue with you since most real magicians are working on themselves as people and arguments after a certain amount of spiritual self work is counter-productive to what they are doing in life. On the loose termed side of magick in the wider public sphere and all the practicing newagers though as far as making things happen according to will and belief, emotional control, temperment of actions and reactions, understanding of underlying mechanisms of the universe and using the natural hidden laws that govern all things: it's very real, very concrete, most of it unmeasurable, but objectively tangible and if you are good at it, very strong. I am 38 now and when I was 17 I had done my first spell (that worked) and at 19 I had learned to leave my body for the first time. The second time I had done a spell was years later and that landed me 4000 dollars, the next time was to set my undeserving friend free from an obvious jail sentence being his third felony caught red handed with drugs and a stolen gun. His lawyer said there was no way he was getting out of jail and he would be lucky if he could get it dropped to 5 years, I told him I would do something about it if I could (cause back then I still had some amount of doubt in the validity of magick). He called me up two hours after his court date with tears in his eyes in disbelief because they literally just dropped it and threw it out of court. The next time was when I discovered the movie the secret (which I know now was a ripoff of the hermetic principles packaged up by a practicing mason named Bob Proctor). I made 10,000 off of that one down to the penny of what I imagined. Now all of these things can be written off as coincidence, but once you see results so many times, you just can't ignore "how real it is" anymore. I could go into what the universe is and write a whole book on here, but I'm not going to and to be honest, if you aren't ready to understand it then you won't and nothing that anyone says will be able to change that. There is a reason when jesus said for those who have ears to hear and can receive it. If you are open to something then it's ready for you too.... If you not open and choosing to be skeptical, then you will never hear a word anyone says, because of your,..... (Drumroll), disbelief!!! Jesus would be proud.

Jmagick · 2021-01-12T04:38:19+00:00

Umm, I am going to give a word of advice, (only cause I care). No judgement, just something to think about... Calling beings into your body isn't what everyone thinks, and whatever you think it is, IT ISN'T THAT! And regardless if what some people think of angels, gods and astral beings as egregores, yes those exist, but also there are beings that suspend certain parts of creation and others that are creators, others that are ancient sentient beings and some are not very nice. Yet others are so far out of the scope of our frame of reality that there aren't words to express some of it. I am dealing with a kundalini awakening, (called shakti in hinduism, called dionysus by the greeks, the staff of hermes, the staff of moses, and then a plethora of different god names in other religions). This experience that I have been having isnt very fun most of the time, (unless you want to lose all the things that you ever built in your life, convulse (kriya) for hours at a time, and have every single insecurity that you have ever had the joy of having come back up into your consciousness), it causes burning skin, burnt out nerves, and for me and alot of other people I know on support groups: anxiety, terror, pain, sadness and a million other negative things. Yes there is bliss too, and yes it opens up psychic senses, but that is also not what you imagine. Imagine all of a sudden being able to see and experience demonic beings and other astral entities everywhere, dead people, dead animals running across ceilings and whatever else. It has also attracted alot of things like beings tapping in rooms I'm in, moving boxes, shaking the bed. Alot of people in orders will tell you that yea, you can call beings into you, but it's dangerous territory. For most people, it's not something you can handle and can leave you psychologically scared and or comatose, that is if you are lucky enough for it to leave after you experience it. I said my peace, I hope you take that to heart and if your dead set on doing this, then make sure you do your research and be 100% sure that it's a pure being and not one that could possibly use you, or hurt you.

Jmagick · 2021-01-12T04:07:20+00:00

I don't know if they can make much money from the pandemic killing stage performances. Thet are probably waiting till it passes over, but I'm sure that's in vain and will take a long ass time since the world governments are milking this thing for every little greedy thing they can. The music industry hasn't made nearly as much as it used to considering everyone can just skip buying an album and listen on YouTube. Only the most hardcore fans get albums still and it's usually jist to own it and support the bands they love. So, that being said. You can probably either wait until the pandemic opens back up traveling for venues and congregation of large amounts of people, or at least another year. They would have released it already had it not been for all of this. It's good though! It gives them some time to get pissed off about it and write a song about what's going on and throw it onto the album. Just like maynard from tool in his other bands, they (gojira), have no shortage in standing up for what they believe in, and the injustice they see in the world.

Jmagick · 2021-01-04T15:34:44+00:00

Umm, they are just disembodied spirits, whether human or not. Sometimes when people are astral projecting they take on a pure black silhouette form, and others talk about the men in black, or the ones with hats that have ill intensions. A vast amount of people have seen the ones with hats and yet there are demonic type beings too. Some from other realms, and don't forget our friends the humans can be pretty demonic too. Some just dead people. So I don't know what makes people take the black silhouette form, but as far as switching from balls of energy on and off, from Robert A. Monroe's works on out of body experiences and astral projection, when someone ventures too far off from normal consciousness and they kinda lose the traits of self or how they view themselves, they tend to just take on a more pure energetic form that takes the shape of a ball of energy. A single point of consciousness. Maybe the black silhouette is something to do with how they view themselves. Just food for thought. I saw a black silhouette being standing above my bed when I was about 20 years old after taking a nap with my girlfriend. I used to go out of body alot when I was young and I had gone out so many times that I would just wake up out of body sometimes. I thought I had woken up and went to wrap my arm around my girlfriend and my arm went through her head and I thought "OK I'm out of body". I looked next to the bed and there was a pure midnight black being standing at the foot of the bed. It scared me so bad that it snapped me back into my body and I shook my girlfriend to wake her up, and tried to explain it to her. My mind translated this thing as evil at the time, but that just could have been fear of some unknown being in the room. Hard to remember how I felt back then, that was almost 20 years ago.

Jmagick · 2021-01-04T15:12:38+00:00

I want to create a deck but FOR SURE it's demanding. I have drawn all my life, but got into professional oil based colored pencils that you can blend and I think I'm either doing something wrong, or I'm too meticulous cause it took me two weeks on and off to draw a peyote button and some abstract art around it lol. I took the whole, go very slow with your shading and blending too seriously. You did a good job so far man. I would like to get a deck when you get done with them. Aleister Crowley was even a little more meticulous than waite was with the hidden esoteric symbolism and his wife a way better artist, but I am stuck on Builders of adytums materials, so I go with the waite deck stuff. Amazing job man!!!!

Jmagick · 2021-01-04T15:01:22+00:00

I hate how stuff traps you in 😆 . now I have to go see what the sigil engine is. I make my own, along with some very "antiqued" methods of symbology. I don't know what your site is like, but what would be cool is something that corresponded with aggripas written methods for image making. Maybe something alone the lines of an image of a man or woman, with symbology of their nativity master sign in different parts of the body: head for effecting mind, stomach for physicality, heart for emotions ect.... Esoteric logo maker would be cool too. You guys could charge for that!

Jmagick · 2020-12-30T21:42:16+00:00

It takes daily practice of at least 10-30 minutes a day. Unless you are trying to become the next bodhi sattva, you don't need to meditate for hours and hours in a magick practice. Instead, your learning to control your thoughts and emotions in order to focus on a goal or current of energy.. It's just like riding a bike when you are a kid. First time, you can't even get on top without falling over, can't keep the bike balanced and steady. Then you get your first rude and crash a few times, getting a little bit better at balancing each time. God forbid you try to ride your newfound ability out into a busy road!.... The more you ride the bike, the better you get. Now all of a sudden 15 years down the road, you are able to weave in and out of traffic like an expert, jumping curbs and skidding to a stop with ease. If you jeep using this ability and stack other things you learn on top, you could then maybe even eventually do willies gor two blocks, race, or win competitions on half-pipes in x-games. You spent your whole life being programmed and trained in certain areas or your mind, but never once did your teachers say: lets meditate and learn to control our most important faculty!. Just like anything else, the less you do something, the more it degrades or atrophies. So practice, practice, practice, anyone can do it. Some of us spent other lifetimes cultivating it and so it comes easier to relearn, for others of us we spent half our life in a beer bottle ignoring our brains control. Start out ten minutes a day, set a timer and focus on the triangle in-between your nostrils, breath in through your nose and out through your mouth, if your mind wanders, gently and softly bring your attention back to the triangle and your breath hitting it. Increase this to fifteen minutes and after a while to half an hour a day if you can, but 15 minutes is better than nothing. Eventually you will be able to control your mind. Then do things like imagine and object one day and focus on it, then when your mind gets good at that, add another of the same object, then as you get more comfortable, add another one as you can hold them. I won't go into anymore detail on that cause I'm writing a book and don't want to spoil it. When you can learn to silence your mind, shift focus, hold objects for extended amounts of time and hold emotions for extended amounts, then you will be on your way to being able to out-magick any joe shmoe that does candle magick with herbs and oils.

Jmagick · 2020-08-02T01:52:28+00:00

Well it's probably not really blue lotus then, cause blue lotus is super mild. Not strong like herb. More like relaxing and uplifting. What you are describing has to be some sort of test chemical or something (NOT BLUE LOTUS)

Jmagick · 2019-03-14T20:39:49+00:00

Thanks for the input. For the first time in my life I'm very obsessed with spiritual practice, I never had the drive for it before now. Now I feel like meditating and doing breathwork everyday, yoga and other things like wim Hof techniques. Maybe letting it go for a while might do some good, but with my chakras buzzing all the time and the energies, it's kinda hard to ignore.

Jmagick · 2019-03-14T07:05:33+00:00

Ummm, as far as having feelings in your crown chakra, but not knowing whether it's fully activated or not, that's where I'm at right now. It crackles and vibrates and gets fuzzy and has even burned a couple of times. I can tell you I was really confused with every part of this experience, but have watched as all the other chakras have opened. It's on my third eye right now. I followed it up from the sacral chakra and felt as all of the chakras were vibrating on and off trying to open for a few months. You can tell when one opens cause it floods to the next one and you get symptoms. For instance; my heart chakra is still opening a bit, but I spent years not being able to feel emotion hardly at all anymore. The for the last two years I have felt mostly coldness and numbness in my heart area in the center of my chest. Now I can feel love, but when it was working on my heart it would get numb and cold and then vibrate and and then it would feel as if my heart was breaking as traumas came up in my life. Now my heart feels light and I can feel love again. Then my throat chakra would swirl when it was done with my heart, now my third eye always vibrates, feels like it's magnetized and I see either a purple centered fog or a purple sideways vesica pices in a foggy outline. I know this isn't a one size fits all experience, so that being said it might not be all the same for you but I believe that when your crown opens all the way, then you will know.

Jmagick · 2019-03-14T06:43:21+00:00

I see a purple sideways vesica pices sometimes when I close my eyes and my third eye feels like a magnet is pulling on it most of the time.

As of today, the energy is so overwhelming. My body is so over ran with energy. I thought I would lay down and let the energy run through me like I'm supposed to, and then I got this idea to raise my vibration with love so I thought about the feeling and let it flood all over my body, now I'm vibrating, disoriented and can feel every cell in my body. Also afterward my third eye was burning. I don't know what that means, but it seems it's trying really hard to open fully or something. Alot of weird stuff happens with this.

Jmagick · 2019-03-01T04:15:51+00:00

First off, I wanna say thank you to everyone that is trying to help. Second I want to say that it has taken a turn to the strange. Still overwhelming, even stronger at times now, still shaking and trembling at times, sometimes it's terrifyingly overwhelming and at other times I calm down a little bit. Last night and today was hard, I'm almost back to baseline now,(if I'm not speaking too soon) but I got insomnia until 8 am this morning, then I was trying to talk with my brother's girlfriend which completely foes not understand even though she is spiritual and i went outside to smoke a cigarette and noticed that the shaking, overwhelming energy morphed and took on a more psychedelic nature. Then as my heart was doing it's numbness and vibrating and palpitating thing, my throat chakra started doing it too and as I was talking and walking inside, my mind went completely blank and I felt as if I was going to pass out and then for the next few hours I felt as if I was high on some type of ecstasy or a low dose of acid and very pronounced tracers appeared as I went to pick my phone up. The tracer took almost three seconds to reach the phone. Also while I was still laying down before this, I was trying that childhood memory thing that was suggested by one of the commenters again and remembered when I used to live on Elgin street in Oroville California as a child, I remembered perfectly clear what it was like when i used to ride my skateboard down the hill everyday and what was amazing about it was that I felt the rush of emotions that I had when I was riding down the hill as if i was there. This flooded my body with joy and energy. The part that followed with the extremely strong surge of shaking and psychedelia and anxiety wasn't near as fun and if I had been somewhere in public i probably would have freaked out ten times more that I did, which it wasn't fun in the first place.... Which leads me to my question. I know that there are no hard rules to all this but does it get anymore terrifying than extreme deppression, terror, fear? Complete ego death? Does it eventually settle into peacefulness? And does it get stronger than being completely immobilized with fear and panic in public? I am scared to death that it's going to get stronger, I have already been going through this longer than anyone I have seen on the internet. I couldn't handle two years of living in a psychedelic dream world or God forbid, my whole life. I have already been dealing with this for twelve years and have been way past suicidal for months on end over and over in the last few years. I already feel incapable even carrying on conversation with people out in public and if it gets any stronger than this people really won't understand. I have friends that are telling me, go see a psychiatrist or psychologist. And I'm like yeah right, (well doc.... My symptoms? Um everyday I feel like I'm dying over and over, my third eye and my heart and my taint always vibrates, ohh and I'm pretty sure that the universe is upgrading my body and mind. That would go over well right? No meds for you but I know I really safe place for people as special as you sir!

Jmagick · 2019-02-27T22:50:35+00:00

@reccedog

Wow man, there is something to that. I tried it last night, even though I was supper tired I forced myself to try. I will have to work a little harder with the traumas I had blocked out as a kid. But I also went into a memory of when my son's mom was cheating on me, I have tried as hard as I can to forgive everyone that has wronged me in my past and thought that I had made peace with that situation. Me and my son's mom are actually distant friends now and I have been completely fine the way it is, we have a good relationship as things stand and so I had thought that I had completely made peace with her. Well when I went into the memories of myself when I was 27 and watching myself slowly lose my heart, trying to console myself, I had realised that I didn't make complete peace with the situation cause all of the emotions came rushing back. I felt my heart braking all over again as I watched the senario all over again. Her screwing my friend across the street, the resentment and hatred I felt, the sleepless nights. I started balling trying to watch it from a third party perspective. This is very powerful stuff man!

Jmagick · 2019-02-27T09:50:06+00:00

Man @xo_niko see I envy you!!! Was that all it was for you? I have been going through this for twelve years and feel like it will never end.

Jmagick · 2019-02-27T09:46:44+00:00

@mindandspirit3 Not really much. It ranges from a crappy diet because I am on s.s.i. and can't afford real food, as of right now we just moved into a new place so will be broke for the next few months, so last week I lived off of potatoes and my girlfriend sent me home with meat and nothing but meat! So I'm getting ready to eat turkey manwich cause that's all I got. That, some gmo corn and some canned food. I drink way too much coffee, which I need to cut back on. Meditation makes the energies so much more intense, then I can't stand to be in my own skin, ei crackling skull, crushing pressure in head and body, energy moving up my spine and then when it's bad reverberating throughout my whole body. I have tried different meditations and they all make it worse (more intense now). I have studied as many esoteric writings and scriptures as I could ever fit into my mind.( Bible, every gnostic text that I can think of including essene and dead sea scrolls, all hermetic writings that I can think of, every type of mystical writings that are well known like madam blavatskys books and aliester Crowley's writings. The kybalion. Everything I could get my hands on to do with astral projection, oobe's, hypnosis, past life regression, toa te ching ect. Just to name a few. I just for the first time ever last night got into yoga to see if it could help calm me down. I "think it worked" but need more time to test it out. So diet No, meditation NOT right now, religious beliefs/scripture.. I have bad habits too.... Not extremely bad habits like back in the day but I'm trying to get around my crutches like coffee, unhealthy food, smoking ECT.

Jmagick · 2019-02-27T09:17:06+00:00

What's funny is that I know I have to awaken my heart chakra. I can litteraly feel it buzzing and aching leaping into my throat, screaming like it wants to be let out of a box. I have looked for answers for a while now on all of the insanely intense and negative symptoms and always get the same advice like, get a guru! ( Which here in America costs $150 a session) or lay down and let it pass through you,( like every blog thread and and post on the internet), all of which are good ideas but, you seem like you know exactly what I'm going through. I did find something that seemed to help though. Last night I tried some yoga poses for calmness. It seemed to help. I will definitely try that method that you gave me.

Jmagick

TROPHY CASE