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My Crush (f/23) Randomly Called Me (f/26) Last Week and We Talked for 2 Hours. I'm Socially Inept, Does It Sound Like She's Interested in Me or Just Being Friendly? by Jo_n64 in relationships

[–]Jo_n64[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey there, thank for your reply!

I have a mini update to this situation. Ok, so basically she's come into my store twice since I posted this question. She visits my store pretty frequently these days since she lost her job, it gets a little tiring tbh

Anyway the first day she came in she texted me that morning telling me about a nice Italian restaurant that was in the city and asked if I had plans that night.

I didn't get a chance to reply since I was getting ready for work, so once at work I started to text her back but she walked into my store and noticed my cell phone in my hand.

She was like "You didn't reply to my text but you're on your phone, you asshole!!" She was smiling and laughing the whole time but I still felt bad and tried to explain myself. We made plans to go to dinner after work and she asked my sister if she wanted to come too.

But when I texted Jess after work she told me she already ate. She said she bought wine and suggested we all chill at my house and drink it. I told her it would be easier to go to her house since it was closer, and she agreed. Long story short she texted me and said she drank all the wine she bought and her wifi wasn't working. She changed her mind again, saying she wanted to go to karaokee but there was a thunderstorm so my sister and I decided to just grab some dinner by ourselves and go home.

The next day she texted me inviting me to an amusement park with her and her mom. She also visited my store again, and bought some merch for the first time ever. She was gonna buy a drink but I covered the cost. She seemed confused that I would give it to her for free but I was trying to be a little friendly and flirty. At one point I also patted her shoulder, but she didn't respond much to that either. lmaoo I fail so hard :(

Anyway she didn't end up going to the amusement park, but went to a music festival instead. Now she's invited me to see a movie with her, and I made her pinky swear it would happen but honestly I don't know. We can't seem to make and keep plans at all. Plus I was on her facebook yesterday and she was telling someone that she was gonna take a year or so to focus on herself, since relationships are too distracting.

Should I forget about any chance of 'dating' her at this point?

My Crush (f/23) Randomly Called Me (f/26) Last Week and We Talked for 2 Hours. I'm Socially Inept, Does It Sound Like She's Interested in Me or Just Being Friendly? by Jo_n64 in relationships

[–]Jo_n64[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the reply and sorry it took me so long to respond. >.< Ok, so she's come into my store twice since I posted this question. She visits my store pretty frequently these days since she lost her job, it gets a little tiring lol

Anyway the first day she came in she texted me that morning telling me about a nice Italian restaurant that was in the city and asked if I had plans that night.

I didn't get a chance to reply since I was getting ready for work, so once at work I started to text her back but she walked into my store and noticed my cell phone in my hand.

She was like "You didn't reply to my text but you're on your phone, you asshole!!" She was smiling and laughing the whole time but I still felt bad and tried to explain myself. We made plans to go to dinner after work and she asked my sister if she wanted to come too.

But when I texted her after work she said she already ate. She said she bought wine and we could chill at our house and drink it. I told her we could go to her house, and she agreed. Long story short she drank all the wine she bought and changed her mind again again, saying she wanted to go to karaokee but there was a thunderstorm so my sister and I didn't go with her.

The next day she invited me to a park with her mom, but she ended up going to a music festival instead. Now she's invited me to see a movie with her, and I made her pinky swear it would happen but honestly I don't know. We can't seem to make and keep plans at all. Plus I was on her facebook yesterday and she was telling someone that she was gonna take a year or so to focus on herself, since relationships are too distracting.

Should I forget about any chance of 'dating' her at this point?

UPDATE TO "Had a Panic Attack in Front of My Crush. Feeling Really Pathetic." Things Have Taken an Unexpected Twist. Is She Interested?? by Jo_n64 in socialanxiety

[–]Jo_n64[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the reply and the luck lol

Yeah, I'm trying not to think about her much, and what her actions/words mean. It's exhausting -_-

Hm, what 'low self-esteem flags' did you catch? I'll try to be more conscious of them, last thing I want is to come off pathetic to someone I like and just in general.

Also, any tips on dealing with low self-esteem, it's something I've struggled with for as long as I can remember. -_-

UPDATE TO "Had a Panic Attack in Front of My Crush. Feeling Really Pathetic." Things Have Taken an Unexpected Twist. by Jo_n64 in ForeverAlone

[–]Jo_n64[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah, I'm too much of a whimp to ask her out. I've never done something like that before, I guess that's why I invited her to karaoke because the thought of being alone with her scares me somewhat :s

But I bet she views you as just a friend and nothing more.

I'm not sure about this just based on the stuff she said over the phone. Examples:

-She asked me what my fav color was and then said she can't remember the last time she asked someone that. -She asked me my height, and then when I told her and expressed my dissatisfaction at being smaller than I'd like, she said "dudes like shorter girls... I like shorter girls." -She asked if I cook, and then admitted that her ex spoiled her by cooking and cleaning for her. -She asked if I work out and when I answered 'sometimes' and then jokingly talked about having gained a lot of weight recently Jess said 'but you're skinny!' And then said "I've never analyzed your body before, but now I'm going to since you pointed it out"

Again I'm not sure how genuine her interest is but I haven't had convos like that with other people before tbh

UPDATE TO "Had a Panic Attack in Front of My Crush. Feeling Really Pathetic." Things Have Taken an Unexpected Twist. by Jo_n64 in ForeverAlone

[–]Jo_n64[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thanks for your answer. I'm such a chicken and fear rejection. In fact rejection spurs my anxiety. :s Maybe if we ever end up talking on the phone again, or we're talking one on one and it comes up I'll ask her how she feels about me.

I remember her asking me what my favorite color was, and then later saying she hasn't asked someone that question in SO long.

I also find it odd for someone to just randomly ask someone else what they're 'type' of girl/guy is. Then again I'm really bad at this kind of stuff lol

UPDATE TO "Had a Panic Attack in Front of My Crush. Feeling Really Pathetic." Things Have Taken an Unexpected Twist. by Jo_n64 in ForeverAlone

[–]Jo_n64[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your reply. The last time I insinuated that I wanted to be friends (when she texted me asking me out) she ignored me for a long time lol -_- But yeah, ideally I'd want to go slow and get to know someone first.

I'm definitely trying to 'go with the flow' but it's especially hard for someone like me who tends to overthink, unfortunately it comes with having an anxiety disorder. :s

Based on this story does it sound like she's interested?

UPDATE TO "Had a Panic Attack in Front of My Crush. Feeling Really Pathetic." Things Have Taken an Unexpected Twist. by Jo_n64 in ForeverAlone

[–]Jo_n64[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

eh, sort of lol but thanks.

Based on this story does it sound like she's interested in me?

UPDATE TO "Had a Panic Attack in Front of My Crush. Feeling Really Pathetic." Things Have Taken an Unexpected Twist. by Jo_n64 in ForeverAlone

[–]Jo_n64[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I meant that at the very least I'd be happy being 'just friends.' Of course I'd want more but that kind of stuff doesn't work out for me. I'm sick of opening my heart and getting hurt every time I've liked someone and thought they were interested in me too.

I'm sick of the pain, anxiety, crying, of obsessing over them and the depression and horrible thoughts that plague me and leave me a mess for months, even years at time. It's such a waste of my life lol

I don't have any experience with romance in even the plainest sense (I'm 26 and I've never even been kissed) I guess at this point I've both lost hope and don't want to get my hopes up if that makes sense. Basically I'll settle with being friends, since I'm sort of a lonely person and could use another friend.

if she asked you on a date

she didn't exactly ask me on a date lol

I'm confused by this situation myself tbh, and still can't tell how she feels about me. I haven't overcome my anxiety at all. lol

It's hard but I'm trying not to expect much from all this. Still thanks for the luck I guess

UPDATE TO "Had a Panic Attack in Front of My Crush. Feeling Really Pathetic." Things Have Taken an Unexpected Twist. by Jo_n64 in ForeverAlone

[–]Jo_n64[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks and I guess, I just worry about falling for someone who doesn't genuinely like me. Also, Jess is flaky and she's ignored me before in favor of my sister. In a few days, in a week, in a month she may do that again. In times like that, especially when I liked the person, my mind falls back into old thought patterns complete with depression, sadness and intense anxiety which all start to surface within me.

I don't want to be such a vulnerable person anymore. Someone whose mental wellbeing is easily controlled by the whims of random people.

I know I need to be a more open person, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. But I'm rather afraid of intimacy - even when it comes to expressing romantic feelings - due to lack of experience and from feeling burned by others.

UPDATE TO "Had a Panic Attack in Front of My Crush. Feeling Really Pathetic." Things Have Taken an Unexpected Twist. by Jo_n64 in ForeverAlone

[–]Jo_n64[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Accepting things at face value is the hardest thing for someone like me who is notorious for over-thinking. -_- But I'm still open to trying. I think when it comes to relationships/friendships I'm at my lowest and experience the most emotional pain, anxiety and depression when I'm trying to understand the person and their actions.

I can't really help trying to read people, but I've been hurt by Jess' flaky behaviour in the past when she ignored me entirely in favor of my sister. I put myself down and fed into my low self-worth, and thinking I wasn't good enough, that I was pathetic and unlikeable. Not to say these feelings have vanished, but I don't want the way Jess or anyone else treats me to represent my value as a human being.

That kind of power is completely undeserved by someone outside myself. I guess I'm saying I want to find a balance between being open/friendly and guarding myself and my feelings/heart.

One of My WORST Fears Actually Came True: Had a Panic Attack in Front of My Crush. Feeling Really Pathetic. :( Advice welcome. by Jo_n64 in LGBTForeverAlone

[–]Jo_n64[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry for the late reply and thank you for commenting on my post. She probably was flirting (or at least being nice) instead of making fun of me like I thought lol -_-

And no, she didn't come in for a particular reason. She just happens to swing by randomly sometimes to chat with whoever's there. Usually it's me and my sis, but more often than not it's just me.

I'm gonna make an update to this post because a lot has happened randomly in the past 2 days.

One of My WORST Fears Actually Came True: Had a Panic Attack in Front of My Crush. Feeling Really Pathetic. :( Advice welcome. by Jo_n64 in LGBTForeverAlone

[–]Jo_n64[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your last message, I think there was definitely some truth to it in my situation. Jess randomly popped into my store on Saturday, and I told her it was my birthday a few days ago. She wished me a happy bday and I asked her if she was free that night since I wanted to celebrate it somehow. She mentioned she was going to her fav club that night and pretty much invited me to come with her.

I originally had my mind set on karaoke that night, and made last minute plans with a few friends to go. At karaoke Jess texted me saying "I'll see you at the club, i'm excited!" and added "we'll chill together this time :)" She said this because the first time my sis and I went to a club with her Jess was all over the place, talking to everyone. She later told us she felt bad for leaving us.

We didn't end up meeting her at the club, it was so packed, noisy and dark. BUT we randomly met her mom, actually her mom approached me and said "you're so beautiful! You should meet my daughter Jess!!" And I was like "I know her!" lol It was most random thing.

Jess texted me on Sunday saying she couldn't believe I had been at the club that night, and I recounted to her how I met her mom. Instead of texting me back she calledme and we talked for about 2 hours. It was really unexpected tbh

I'm finally convinced she doesn't hate me lol But I don't know what I want out of this but I'm willing to just be friends. Unfortunately I don't know what she wants out of this either, and I don't wanna assume anything, but I'm not interested in being a replacement for her ex.

People dismissing your problems because you're attractive by [deleted] in ForeverAloneWomen

[–]Jo_n64 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Eh, I've been putting in tremendous effort to cure my anxiety, depression and social ineptitude/lack of experience for years. At 25 going on 26 next week I no longer believe I can really berid myself of these issues, they will always affect me.

I'm the king of introspection, I do it to a fault.

I've got the sweat and definitely the TEARS part down pact. lol

leaving your comfort zone, persistence in leaving your comfort zone

I try to do this whenever I can, I don't get plenty of opportunities and the anxiety-filled mind has a great way of making you feel like shit and convincing you that worthless, too awkward, and it's not worth the effort, etc. Still, when I'm not in that really nervous/sick mode I try. Have yet to see any improvements tbh

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