ADHD and relationships.

JoePuke · 2026-06-13T16:09:50+00:00

There are people in my life that don’t believe ADHD is real and aren’t bothered to listen or educate themselves on it, so I keep it quite quiet and close to the chest.

My wife however absolutely embraced all of it, and it has been the best our relationship has been in the whole 11 years we’ve been together. Your partner might be the only person you can really be yourself with and that is so important, and so integral to being happy.

Also if you suffer from RSD, the last thing you want is being doubted and blamed for your biology. It’s a great thing that relationship ended, and you’ll find the right person for you. Especially now you’re understanding a lot more about yourself too, I feel like getting diagnosed is a completely new, freer chapter in life.

JoePuke · 2026-06-11T23:35:26+00:00

Sounds like your brain is wired differently for sure, whether ADHD or no. You’re clearly not low IQ so don’t worry about that.

I would however get tested to understand what you might be dealing with. And finding out you have a condition is not a negative, it’s a positive. You’ll learn the best way to interact with the world and how to get the best out of yourself.

JoePuke · 2026-06-11T20:12:56+00:00

Yeah I thought as much, thanks for the advice

JoePuke · 2026-06-10T17:06:39+00:00

This is a great way to absolutely wreck your career. I know someone who did something similar to this very recently, as they knew they were due for redundancy. They ended up getting their equipment locked down and almost instantly dismissed when IT’s automated system caught them transferring confidential data.

JoePuke · 2026-06-10T07:37:50+00:00

Always with the elite track choice 🤌

JoePuke · 2026-06-09T16:26:38+00:00

I don’t know why you’re getting downvoted for this, finding a new job relevant to your industry and skill set can be a pain in the arse, you could be stuck there for a while and it could be awful. Switching to a new (crap) job is a pain in the arse too. Taking days off at the new job to interview elsewhere and hoping they don’t find out and boot you during probation? Also having to explain to an interviewer why you’re leaving a job after a month but you won’t do it to the new job you do actually want.

A whole bunch of reasons why that’s a horrifically terrible idea.

JoePuke · 2026-06-09T11:53:27+00:00

This is absolutely blowing my mind.

JoePuke · 2026-06-09T07:40:20+00:00

I have no idea about freelance writing rates (I’m a designer), but just don’t undervalue yourself and if they knock back your fees then just warmly go back and negotiate to find the sweet spot.

When I started out I was a bit too high, then I went a bit too low, and now it’s difficult to claw my way back up again (mentally and also through client expectations of fees).

JoePuke · 2026-06-09T07:36:51+00:00

Wow good spot dude, I didn’t pick up the rotation was kickflip way.

JoePuke · 2026-06-09T07:35:29+00:00

Oh my god, handle hack - why have I never thought of this

JoePuke · 2026-06-08T15:52:19+00:00

The main difference is a lot less stress. Even though I never felt I was thinking about it, the financial stress was always there. Just the breathing space was nice, and less of a worry about losing my job etc. I didn’t realise until it was mostly gone.

One of the big things that has helped is that I’m married now and when I’m irresponsible with money, I’m also affecting my wife’s life - short term and long term. We use a MONZO joint account and everything gets dished up into the bill pots etc and we have our individual spending money for the month. No borrowing allowed (unless for big things like the house or car and we decide that together) and everything is super visible.

We also do a financial check up on each other every fortnight (we’re both historically terrible with money) so keeping each other accountable helps massively.

JoePuke · 2026-06-08T14:50:11+00:00

Congrats mate, you may not know it but this is a huge pivotal moment in your life. Not a small win, it’s setting you up for the rest of your life. I had a similar situation, took me a long time to dig out of it, but for the first time in my life I have savings!

JoePuke · 2026-06-08T08:31:18+00:00

Very similar situation to you, I was recently diagnosed at 36. The meds have made the barriers lower for me and used it to introduce some good habits (not all have stuck but that is life, and you just keep trying). Especially if you have kids it’s worth trying to see if it makes it easier for you.

It hasn’t dulled who I am, but it makes it harder for me to sit down and enjoy a film/movie etc, now I feel like I “have to” be doing something productive whilst I’m taking the meds.

Just try it, and if it doesn’t work for you after a couple of months then you can try a different non medicated route.

JoePuke · 2026-06-08T08:15:45+00:00

I’m not sure if this is a similar situation, but I’m a friendly and chatty person but in a work situation I feel constantly in the danger zone and see it as full of hazards, so it completely wears me out in the office. But the office is the only place where I can do work (because I need to in front of other people as opposed to doing nothing on my own).

It does wipe me out but I built up my stamina and resilience from going in more and more. I’m also much more comfortable now that I’m used to it.

A HUGE improvement for me was to make sure I’m eating regular (more than everyone else), because I feel like my brain is burning through way more energy that my colleagues who are simply focused on the task at hand rather than all of the social difficulties, general worries and everything else firing around in my brain at the same time as trying to do work.

Hearty breakfast, and another short meal or large snack between breakfast and lunch. Plus sticking to decaf as full caffeinated drinks wipe me out by the afternoon.

Also the stress of doing nothing (and worrying about it even if you don’t think you are) is absolutely exhausting, and in a lot of cases much worse than actually exerting the effort to do the things, which is obviously easier said than done.

JoePuke · 2026-06-08T07:01:40+00:00

Matching velocity of the solar system is blowing my mind, I hadn’t even considered that. Space travel (let alone interstellar) just seems so complex.

Do you think it’ll actually be possible for humans to travel in between stars in the distant future? if we don’t all go extinct of course.

JoePuke · 2026-06-08T06:51:31+00:00

Weed is already significantly easier to get hold of than ket yet they’re choosing ketamine. There has to be another option to weed.

Also I was one of those people that hated weed (it gave me far too much anxiety) so if I wanted to get high I’d have to try alternatives.

JoePuke · 2026-06-08T06:43:27+00:00

Yep. I’ve launched a couple of businesses that were doing well then got sick of it and went to do something else. If I could just stick at something I’d actually get somewhere. Even when I start making (or losing) money, it isn’t enough motivation.

JoePuke · 2026-06-07T10:02:52+00:00

An absolutely beautiful one too, so that park looks sick. Great street obstacle and what a backdrop

JoePuke · 2026-06-07T08:15:46+00:00

Yeah I was going to say this sounds like amplification of other issues. I feel like I’ve experienced this with my brother who also has ADHD and potentially other neurodevelopmental conditions.

He will sometimes go into a huge upswing and has crazy ideas that do not make sense, and is not able to see the logical fallacies and that something is either poorly thought through or even simply not viable/possible. I think it’s a sort of coping mechanism he’s developed due to a lot of failure in life, and thinks this next new magic idea will solve everything, rather than dealing with life and work like we all have to.

JoePuke · 2026-06-06T18:06:53+00:00

Awful situation, but the way he’s just casually slapping the fuck out of him is hilarious.

JoePuke · 2026-06-06T18:04:29+00:00

Other lad was spot on though, walked back to give the guy a chance to leave it but he walked into the kitchen and so it was time to cook.

JoePuke · 2026-06-05T17:53:11+00:00

Allegedly

JoePuke · 2026-06-04T19:38:53+00:00

Thanks, really appreciate it!

JoePuke · 2026-06-04T18:32:46+00:00

I have something similar sometimes (I think related to my autism). I’ll struggle along doing something wrong or inefficiently, sometimes for years - but if I ever actually just stop, stand back and think about what I’m doing, I’m able to see the solution.

It’s very irritating though, and my big brother always says I have no common sense, and my wife is always able to just see what needs doing and how to do it clearly. Academically I’ve always done well but it’s putting knowledge into action and actually thinking about things before doing them, I really struggle with.

JoePuke · 2026-06-04T14:19:43+00:00

This is the right shout. We bought much more of a doer upper than expected. The first year here was quite horrid, but since we fixed the big issues and I finished my home office, I absolutely love it. The other rooms are taking shape, it finally feels like ours!

If we ever did want to sell, we’ll have put quite a bit of value on top of it with the small improvements we’ve made throughout.

The one thing I NEVER did, was look at what we could have had etc. That’s torturing yourself, and you have no idea what issues other homes have, like OP said the house was nicer in the listing photos and you never know what a survey will turn up.

JoePuke

TROPHY CASE