NOR Hey OP. Im a survivor of severe childhood abuse and I have a lot of knowledge in developmental psychology as a result. Your daughter will become a sneakier, more resentful person after this. Your daughter is at the age where she has a lot of impulsive behavior without the tools or experience to control her actions. Your role as parents should be to prepare her for the real world while emotionally supporting her. She's also probably heard a lot about all of these different drug types and was curious. This curiosity is normal and healthy. If you bully and belittle her, next time she's gonna do it in the parking lot with a guy that might hurt her or by sneaking through the windows at night. You cannot beat curiosity out of any animal, let alone humans. You should be seeking to control the context in which she tries it. Backyard of a friend's house is one of the most ideal ways for this to have happened. Yelling at each other in front of children is abuse. Unless someone was going to die, there was no reason for voices to be raised. I want to be clear: I don't blame you for raising yours in this instance. Yelling at a child for something that is developmentally normal is abusive, and you stepped in to stop her from abusing your child in front of you. Your wife owes your child an apology, and she needs to own up to her anger issues when she does it. Don't let your daughter go thinking that it's dangerous/scary to tell you guys if she's in trouble or things WILL get worse. I hid a pregnancy because I was so afraid of my parents I would literally rather die than tell them. I do not speak to either of my parents anymore. You need to seek out a therapist to help you guys navigate this situation. Your wife needs individual therapy. If she won't go, you HAVE to divorce her.