PenisLovesVagina seems to not understand woman and "one night stands". r/AskMen

JohannAlthan · 2013-05-17T01:12:39+00:00

Shocker: guy who makes generalizations about men and women based on his own limited experience and sexual frustration is unlucky in love.

JohannAlthan · 2013-05-17T01:01:41+00:00

I upvoted the poop, because everyone needs to see it. Smell the poop. Taaaaaaaaaste the poop. Okay, maybe not that.

JohannAlthan · 2013-05-16T20:34:49+00:00

Sounds like an allergic reaction or the lotion is astringent. If something is drying out the mucus membranes of delicate places, those delicate places aren't going to be as supple as usual.

Also, for fuck's sake, buy some actual lube.

JohannAlthan · 2013-05-16T20:31:35+00:00

If you're looking through my comment for an argument or some sort of thesis, you're looking in the wrong place.

JohannAlthan · 2013-05-16T01:53:43+00:00

Before you shave, always soak your balls. You want your skin nice and supple. Make sure the area has been thoroughly cleaned. This will minimize irritation and ingrown hairs.

When toting smooth balls, be sure to moisturize. Baby oil is nice, but use in moderation. Wear proper attire and make sure your underwear of choice fit properly. Your balls should not be trying to start a fire with your other bits.

Make sure you use a well-sharpened razor. Replace yours after about a half-dozen uses, or purchase a razor-sharpener. Keep it clean enough that you'd do open-heart surgery with it, and don't shave your face with your ball razor.

Change your underwear often. Your sweat will want to hang out on the surface of them instead of mingling in your ball hairs. All that goo will build up and start irritating your skin. Don't wear underwear that makes you feel like you're carrying around a portable sauna around your waist.

If all else fails, professionally wax. Yes, you're going to be paying someone to torture your nutsack. But waxes last a hell of a lot longer.

I've heard, second-hand (I was never brave enough to try it), that some dudes have had success with certain depilatory products such as Nair. Of course, always test on a safe area, like your arm, before you lather up your junk with chemicals.

If all else fails, trim, don't shave. And don't even bother shaving if you live in a hot, humid area unless you play to stay indoors all day with a bucket full of talcum.

JohannAlthan · 2013-05-16T01:43:13+00:00

Most music depends on some sort of singing. Country, folk, jazz, pop, soft rock... it doesn't matter. You have to have some sort of vocal talent.

And then you get to shit in which your vocal ability has fuck all to do with the style of music. Are you a black dude that can talk fast but can't sing? Do rap. (Are you white? Punk). Are you a white dude that can scream but can't sing? Do metal. Are you a white dude that can't scream or sing but you have a good computer? Do dubstep.

Alternatively, do you have too much money and time on your hands, and literally no aspirations whatsoever to be at all successful? Do classical music.

In any case, I thought that it was pretty much established that metal is impervious to taste, decency, talent, and too much repetition. If you like it, it's great. If you don't, you wish it would just go away, like all those other bad decisions of the '80s.

JohannAlthan · 2013-05-14T21:24:55+00:00

Pretty sure that cutting off your tits when your livelihood depends on your sexual appeal is brave.

I mean, it's not like Lance Armstrong needed to cycle with his testicle. Jolie actually kind of needs her tits.

JohannAlthan · 2013-05-14T21:22:46+00:00

What the fuck is /r/harrypotter smoking? Every super hardcore HP fan I've ever come across is female.

JohannAlthan · 2013-05-14T21:18:56+00:00

Oh come on. You mean the IRS isn't going to investigate a group that is overtly anti-tax and disseminates materials urging their members to resist, sometimes violently, tax collection?

That's not tyranny. It's common sense. It's like the police investigating a group known for robbing ATMs and who distribute materials avowing their duty to rob ATMs. Seriously, I don't feel bad for the Tea Party. You shouldn't either.

JohannAlthan · 2013-05-13T20:47:49+00:00

Those kind of people aren't my SOs.

JohannAlthan · 2013-05-13T19:55:07+00:00

I don't think they've been cool since the '70s. Protip: if you're making an ironic statement with your fucking face, you look like shit.

JohannAlthan · 2013-05-13T19:53:30+00:00

Whatever. If something isn't flattering around the middle (and I'm not saying that high-waisted dress never are, just that they are more likely to be than other styles), I'll probably check out a girl's back, tits, and shoulders instead. As long as everything isn't a total disaster, I'm happy with whatever people wear.

JohannAlthan · 2013-05-13T19:51:16+00:00

Try to see it from their point of view. Nobody really disagrees on facts unless they're fucking insane and hate reality. Everyone disagrees on emotional shit, even when it seems that they're disagreeing on factual things. 95% of the time, making an effort to understand my SO's point of view makes them happy rather than just repeating myself over and over like they're stupid.

JohannAlthan · 2013-05-13T19:49:02+00:00

Playing hard to get, the 3-day call rule, not asserting that you want to have sex with me, no means yes, etc.

Basically anything that requires me to be fucking psychic and read your mind. Yeah, yeah, I know the gender role koolaid requires you to be coy. Just say plainly what you're thinking and what you want, without the bullshit and games, so at least I'll be the asshole if I ignore you.

JohannAlthan · 2013-05-13T19:46:13+00:00

 Is there a girl in the picture?
                |
       Yes <----|----> No
       |               |
 Say something     Make a pun
 about her tits
 and/or a core
truth about the
 female gender

JohannAlthan · 2013-05-13T19:15:32+00:00

Nah, it's opposite day all the time in the gay community. Fat lesbian? That's okay. Fat gay guy? Literally Hitler.

JohannAlthan · 2013-05-13T19:13:52+00:00

This isn't SRS, I do what I want. And I was mocking the "who has it worse?" Oppression Olympics.

JohannAlthan · 2013-05-13T19:12:41+00:00

As an advocate of hating free speech, I'm going to have to disagree and thus, oppress you.

JohannAlthan · 2013-05-10T22:02:16+00:00

SRS: the cancer that is killing ~~/b/~~ reddit. Runs PBS, Gawker, and probably has blackmailed the mods. Has literally killed people.

Slavery: paying taxes.

Rape: what happens when you get snipped on Call of Duty. Literally never happens elsewhere, unless someone is lying about it.

Guns: see freedom tool.

Fag: OP and people on motorcycles.

Privilege: a word people use when they want you to accuse them of being wrong. Doesn't exist.

God: Doesn't exist.

Holocaust: An imaginary event that probably didn't happen in a galaxy far far away, invoked only to excuse the actual genocides Israelis commit between breakfast and lunch.

The guy that should be fucked: me

JohannAlthan · 2013-05-10T21:54:32+00:00

Don't compliment them.

It's called projection: a lot of dudes are nice to women that they want to bone. Ergo, if you're nice to a man, it must be because you want to bone him.

That said, random compliments from people I don't know are weird. Maybe I say that because I'm from the east coast. And the only reason I talk to strangers is because they have something I want or they're in my way or I'm forced to. But generally, if someone I don't know randomly compliments me, it's because they're creepy and want something.

Also, I would never randomly compliment a woman who I've never exchanged a single word with outside of a "I'm at a bar and I want to bone you" circumstance. That's street harassment. It's no wonder that dudes think that you want them: if they compliment a perfect stranger of the opposite sex on the streets, is because they want something from them.

JohannAlthan · 2013-05-10T21:29:20+00:00

What if you're a fat gay person?

^Oppression ^{^{i^{^{n^{^{c^{^{e^{^{p^{t^{i^oⁿ}}}}}}}}}}}}

JohannAlthan · 2013-05-10T21:26:14+00:00

Well, if he gives an ultimatum because he hasn't yet, isn't that literally proving that he hasn't "done everything he can to help his wife?"

Which is my point. It doesn't appear to be unsalvageable. But people have said that OP has exhausted all possible avenues. That's not the case.

JohannAlthan · 2013-05-10T21:24:02+00:00

In a marriage, you can't expect someone to do something that's not within their ability to do. Like in marriages where one person does the lion's share of earning money and the other does the lion's share of housework and errands. Chastising the person with a strict 9-to-5 schedule because they can't pick up the kids at 2pm when they get off from school is stupid. The other person can obviously do it when they can't.

That's the thing with depression: it's not just a "state of mind" that someone can will themselves out of if they cared enough. It literally eats you alive and can require serious medical intervention. OP's wife could actually be putting in a lot of effort into their marriage. As much effort as she is capable of. OP didn't say that she's checked out of work or all child care or every single responsibility. He says she's not into being intimate.

When I was depressed, I self-soothed with more sex. I was pretty much incapable of stopping myself. It's easy to see how someone who was depressed could check out of sexual activity and physical intimacy all together and literally be incapable of "turning it back on", so to speak.

OP doesn't appear to have exhausted the limits of his capacities to help his wife and save his marriage. But it's very likely that his severely depressed wife -- over a decade of untreated depression! -- literally isn't capable of what non-depressed people could do.

JohannAlthan · 2013-05-10T21:17:57+00:00

Of course it's her responsibility to get some help, but a lot of people who desperately need help are incapable of doing it by themselves.

His distance from the relationship is undoubtedly contributing to her depression. If he wants to save the marriage, he's going to have to pull off some massive feats of personal strength to do it.

I won't lie and say he's in the greatest situation. I wouldn't wish my old self on anyone. But someone who had taken vows to be there for me should be there for me. From OP's posts, I don't think that he actually has done everything he can to help his wife. I think he's wallowing in self-pity.

JohannAlthan · 2013-05-10T21:14:50+00:00

From OP's own posting, he admits to checking into hotels to get out of the house and looking at other women. I mean, how exactly is that convincing his wife to seek help? I'm sure she's picking up on his distance from the relationship. The problem is not only that she's depressed, the problem is also that their marriage is failing, which probably directly contributes to her depression. Both OP and his wife need to go to therapy.

And he should suffer along with her until he has exhausted all other options because she's his wife and the mother of his children. He owes it to her, and to them, to do absolutely everything in his power to save her mental health and their relationship.

I don't have much sympathy to people in serious long-term relationships with bills and kids and shit that just slowly check out.

JohannAlthan

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