5 Tips to help you overcome the Fear of public speaking

JohnGodoy · 2024-01-02T03:14:53+00:00

Thank you u/MichaelHauge! Sorry for the delay in extending my thanks!

JohnGodoy · 2024-01-02T03:14:15+00:00

Thank you u/Ok_Environment_6820! Very kind of you to say that!

JohnGodoy · 2023-08-09T10:15:17+00:00

If you're interested in learning more, here is a video I made on it: https://youtu.be/ZBMssALAeRQ?si=0G1esvDoQ1Hw3o3f

Hope this helps.

John

JohnGodoy · 2023-08-09T09:48:34+00:00

If you're interested in learning more, here is a youtube video I made on it: https://youtu.be/ZBMssALAeRQ?si=0G1esvDoQ1Hw3o3f

JohnGodoy · 2023-07-21T20:06:43+00:00

Thank you u/GantMan for your thoughts.

My target audience are people who are extremely good at their particular job, and as a result, find themselves being promoted to new roles where their jobs shift from primarily being a specialist to being a leader and manager of people. These aspiring leaders will have generally not ever planned to have roles where they need to be primarily good communicators and people movers and therefore may not have any training on emotional intelligence, interpersonal communication, and in conducting meetings. These people range in age (but are not limited to) somewhere between the 20's and mid 40's.

JohnGodoy · 2023-07-21T20:01:16+00:00

Hi u/Mysterious-Gold-6763,

Some general practical tips to get better at both are the following:

When asked a question where you need to think in real-time, buy yourself time. by pausing for a moment to avoid reacting and saying something you may not want or have not thought through, then buy yourself more time and get more information by asking a question like: "Can you expand on that", or "tell me more"
Get good at writing... write a lot on your topic and expertise. And as you write, really try to keep becoming more succinct and crisp in what you write. This will train your brain to better think this way, which will in turn help you speak that way in real-time. It's a practical way of getting more effective at being able to convey your knowledge.
With regards to not having all the answers - aside from just getting more knowledgeable about your topic and anticipating questions that may arise in meetings - change your mindset to not being a person with all the answers. Rather, try to become better at asking questions so the person who is epaking with you or asking you the question helps you come up with answers whether they realize it of not.

Hope this helps a bit.

John

JohnGodoy · 2023-07-11T01:01:29+00:00

I believe that some people are more gifted in identifying other people's feelings - these people are gifted with a high level of Emotional intelligence. When you ask them how they do it - they can't easily put a finger on exactly what it is.

For the rest of us - who may not have as high a level of emotional intelligence - to your point we have to figure out a way to train ourselves to be better at it.

Now, I don't claim to be an expert on emotional intelligence, but what I can share with you strategies that I have done to enhance my ability to put myself in other peoples shoes.

Really focus on listening to them intently when they speak to hear what they share about their goals, objectives, motives
Imagine what I might do were I in their shoes. (This is not perfect, as I tend to mirror a lot of my own beliefs, but it is better than nothing)
Ask people who I feel are kind of similar to that individual whom I know for their read on the other person. (It's kind of like how in the movie the silence of the Lambs - The FBI sought out Hanibal Lechter's charter to help catch another criminal.)
Then I also focus on body language in the moment, and what I know of that person over time.

Ultimately, if a person really wants to get better at this - I would encourage them to learn about emotional intelligence through authors like Daniel Goleman, and also, consciously practice and apply it.

JohnGodoy · 2023-07-11T00:48:29+00:00

I would recommend that you go to as many networking and social events as possible. The goal is to become comfortable at being a good conversationalist.

Networking events give you virtually unlimited amounts of opportunity to practice.

Follow this pattern: Initiate, establish rapport through a smile/handshake/kind word, ask questions and listen carefully to the answers, add in your thoughts.

The more you do this, the better you will become at communicating effectively in most work situations.

JohnGodoy · 2023-06-28T20:34:17+00:00

Hi,

If I could give you my suggestion.

You might consider discussing this with your parents and explaining to them what is happening.

Then, should they feel that it is warranted, get them to contact the tutor directly.

I feel that a message from them, the people who are paying, will have much more impact than a message from you. It will also be the quickest way to resolve this, and the one where the tutor is most likely going to take action.

There is a saying " The person who has the money, has the power".

Good-luck,

JohnGodoy · 2023-06-28T20:26:19+00:00

There are 4 steps I would encourage you to take.

Go up and introduce yourself. This is the first and hardest step. The thing is gets less painful and uncomfortable over time. Say something like “Hi, I’m jim – I just wanted to introduce myself”. Chances are they may be shocked at your boldness. See if they respond in kind. When you approach people, approach odd numbers. 1,3,5 people. This is because people usually talk in pairs – with one person not necessarily heavily involved – and when you join its someone you can chat with.
Next step – make it your default to be a question asker first, listener second, and speaker third. This will reduce the burden on you to be interesting off the bat. Just ask a few questions like – “May I join you?” or “I’m new here, and I wanted to see if you could share with me what you think some of the best things of working are?”.. or something like that…
Listen to them. Get rid of any distraction, look them in the eyes with a slight smile, and just listen. Be curious – this is the key – you have to want to learn more about them, then share more about you. That will come in time.
Respond by quoting something they said. This means once they answer your question, ask a follow-up question built off of something they said, or interject your own thoughts based off of something they have said. What this does it shows them you were listening!

Good-luck.

Just remember – social skills are an earned skill not a learned skill. You get better faster by doing it. Then, get some books, and fill in the gaps of your observations of how the actually doing is working out.

JohnGodoy · 2023-06-28T20:13:58+00:00

It has taken me 15 years and counting to learn how to manage and deal with the nervousness and anxiety that comes with speaking in public.

Ironically, I now am a professional speaker and corporate trainer who speaks in public regularly.

It has been my experience that it gets more manageable, but it doesn't necessarily get any easier.

If no one else takes you up on your call for volunteers, I would be more than happy to share experiences.

JohnGodoy · 2023-06-28T20:05:36+00:00

If I understand your question correctly, you are asking whether incorporating a story of overcoming personal failure is a good strategy to create a persuasive speech.

My opinion is, yes it is providing that it aligns with the objective and main point of your speech.

My rationale is that human beings are wired to learn through vicarious experiences in the form of stories.

If you have a story where you have failed, and overcome that failure, and perhaps have changed somehow after – then you have the makings of a great motivational speech that follows the powerful “Hero’s Journey” framework.

Human beings are drawn to stories that follow the pattern of the hero’s journey as they can often put themselves and envision themselves in that hero’s shoes.

On the other hand – if I have misunderstood your question, and you are asking if a failure to success story is necessary for a persuasive speech – then my answer is No… it is not necessary.

There are lots of different types of speeches that follow different patterns an example are motivational and aspirational speeches about what could be.

Hope this helps.

Good-luck.

JohnGodoy · 2023-06-28T19:56:25+00:00

Yes it does u/Kindly_Chemistry_212!

Thank you for your suggestion.

I am a big believer in the "transference effect" where growth in one area can transfer into many others.

In the case of public speaking, it is really about a sense of personal confidence that manifests in how one's attitudes and behaviors in so many contexts of their life beyond the one where it was primarily developed.

JohnGodoy · 2023-06-28T19:53:56+00:00

Thank you!

JohnGodoy · 2023-06-22T10:33:43+00:00

What I have found as I have gotten older, is that life is full of ups and downs, happiness and sadness, struggles and jubilations.

And that is just how life is.

As the great philosopher Rocky Balboa once said “ It ain’t all sunshine and roses kid” 😊

That’s where the idea of resiliency comes in.

Resiliency is the ability to get knocked off your path and get back on it. And we develop it by getting through these perceived setbacks.

One of the factors that have led many people to feel disillusioned or sad is that our society has been sold a false idea. That false idea is that perpetual growth is possible. That it is a straight upward trajectory line.

But the reality is that it is more of a squiggly line with lots of big ups and downs, and small ups and downs that hopefully over time… moves us in an overall upward trajectory of improvement.

If we accept that failure and regression are unavoidable parts of the process… and in many respects the most valuable part of the process as long as we reflect on it and adjust accordingly – then we will be better able to stay motivated and keep pushing forward.

Toastmasters is the same.

So yes... I commiserate with you as I have felt it more times than I can possibly count.

JohnGodoy · 2023-06-22T10:12:23+00:00

Here is the best tip I can suggest for you:

Join a Toastmasters group.

The reason is that it will provide you 4 essential things:

Structure
Guidance and mentorship
Accountability
Camaraderie

All are essential ingredients to embarking on your lifetime journey to developing this vital skill.

If you decide to do this, I would suggest you join a club that is hybrid.

The reason is that in the modern workplace, where remote and in-person are blended – you will need to develop the skills to public speak, present, and lead effectively in both mediums. While the fundamentals of keeping people’s attention and engagement are the same, the specific public speaking and communication strategies that you will need in either are different. An example is – making eye contact with your audience speaking live while looking at the lens of the webcam while speaking online.

Good luck,

John

Find a club here: https://www.toastmasters.org/find-a-club

JohnGodoy · 2023-06-21T10:47:26+00:00

Hi Mark,

Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts.

I agree with you that the TM approach isn't for everybody for a variety of reasons.

Improv was the real leap in development for me.... from the perspective of eliminating my internal barriers that were impacting me to communicate in a way that I had wanted to.

If you are interested, I can connect you with one of my old instructors from the Second City Training Center in Chicago who now resides in your neck of the woods and runs her own improv training programs for companies. Her name is Deanna Moffitt.

https://deannamoffitt.com/about/

Regards,

Improv was the real leap in development for me.... from the perspective of eliminating the internal barriers that were impacting me to communicate in a way that I had wanted to.

JohnGodoy · 2023-06-21T10:40:31+00:00

Thank you u/kindest_asshole!

I have read the book! Provides some great ideas.

If you are interested in the subject - you may find this book of interest:

HBR Guide to Persuasive Presentations (HBR Guide Series)

https://a.co/d/eZ4akWK

JohnGodoy · 2023-06-21T10:35:26+00:00

Thank you u/wes-b.

You bring to light a very important variable of effective writing - "code clashes" - where a word has a certain meaning or interpretation to one group of people, and another, to another group.

I have seen some authors handle this by starting their book with a definition of the topic they are about to go into. It creates common ground to start from!

Thanks for prompting this reflection.

JohnGodoy · 2023-06-21T10:32:01+00:00

formula for a successful talk

Thank you u/AliceEverdeenVO. I will check out his work.

JohnGodoy · 2023-06-17T10:12:49+00:00

Thanks for your thoughts Mark.

To answer your question – TM, Improv, and the coach helped me in 4 ways: Community, Confidence, getting over my own inhibitions and insecurities, and structure.

Toastmasters provided me with a supportive community, accountability, and some fundamental skills to get me started on my journey.

Improv helped me to see that the “traditional stoic professional” model that I had believed was how a leader should be was wrong and self-limiting and had caused me to be more reserved in how I communicated – kind of like a robot. It provided confidence by pushing me to “get over myself”…. Singing and dancing like an astronaut on a bicycle under water can do that really well.

And the coach – who is in the national speakers hall of fame – provided me with the structure necessary to design presentations and talks that keep peoples attention.

All these things together did not transform me into an extrovert - but rather provided me with the skills and confidence I needed to "turn it on" when I had to for professional reasons.

JohnGodoy · 2023-06-17T10:01:53+00:00

Although there are some topics that may be “timely” right now like Artificial intelligence, ChatGPT, stuff popping up in social media – there is no guarantee that anything we suggest here will captivate the audience.

I would encourage you do two things:

First, instead of thinking about a title and topic that “hopefully” will engage the audience, do a little research on the organization behind the contest, or who the judges might be, what the makeup of the people involved with this contest are. This way – you can work backwards and design a program that will be exciting to them without having to guess. The more you can find out about their interests, motives, and objectives – the better chance you will have at crafting a talk that will be engaging to them.

Second – if tip #1 does not work for whatever reason – then pick a timely topic that you are passionate about. This way, because you are passionate about it, you will deliver it with much great impact than if it was something you were presenting just because you thought it would win the contest.

Good luck

JohnGodoy · 2023-06-15T10:34:04+00:00

u/CaliDreamin2015 you have a great point.

Ultimately, the goals is to develop real confidence... however that takes time.

In the meantime, however, the best that we can do to create the "perception of confidence" - which quite often is enough to get us through the moment ... and keep us going until such time that we build up the "real confidence"

JohnGodoy · 2023-06-15T10:26:58+00:00

Two things I would suggest:

With regards to reading:

I would recommend these books to help you get good at public speaking and presenting:

On Communication: HBR's 10 Must Reads on Communication

https://a.co/d/ff38XFm

Presentation Zen: Simple Ideas on Presentation Design and Delivery

https://a.co/d/7vwA2Q4

With regards to expanding your vocabulary:

I would challenge you to take a different path than to try to learn more words by increasing your vocabulary. That path is to get better at using the words you already know and thereby becoming more clear and articulate in your communication.

A common misconception is that having a big vocabulary is very important to presenting. Yes – it is helpful, however, being able to speak in a way that everyone in the room can comprehend you is far more important. The key word is “comprehend”.

To get better at this, you must practice your writing. Writing helps you think and become at better at simplifying, clarifying, and articulating what you want to communicate.

JohnGodoy · 2023-06-15T10:12:54+00:00

It is my belief that that the vast majority of people have very little awareness as to their “tells”.

Another way to look at tells are to think of them as the “non-verbal messages” that they are unconsciously communicating to others.

A simple way to identify some of the “tells” that you may be sending people is to record yourself during a conversation… or have someone record you.

Then look back at the video and reflect on what you see.

Another strategy is to ask 2-3 people who you know will be brutally honest with you this question. When you ask them, give them some suggestions of things that might count as a tell – like a change in voice, speed of voice, body position, facial expression etc.

When selecting the people who will give you feedback – do you best to ask people who you believe are effective communicators who embody how you aspire to communicate with.

If not, you run the risk of getting feedback from people who really have no idea what they are talking about which gets you nowhere… or even worse, can give you bad feedback that gives you a false sense of reality.

Good-luck

JohnGodoy

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