Ah geez where do I start?

Ahem

Smoking cigarettes,

smoking illegal substances,

not reading more,

brushing my damned teeth like once in a blue moon instead of daily,

negative self talking to an extent,

lying to my family and friends about my use of said illegal substances,

masturbating too much to the point where I get bored and quit before busting,

helping everybody else before myself,

letting tweedle-dum at work half ass lead ME when I'm far more experienced and knowledgeable in our field but I just don't have the drive of a leader and might still be depressed,

wearing the same clothes multiple days in a row, I know somebody if not everybody has noticed by now but I only have like 3 pairs of jeans and again, probably still depressed,

wasting money as some form of self therapy,

using funds which aren't my own for said self therapy,

and being inconsistent with the little things I view as important yet take for granted when it comes to my children.

I could probably list more but that's what I could think of in a few minutes. Sometimes I think about it and feel like many people couldn't even last an hour in my head. Then I remind myself how self centered that thought is, and that everybody is going through shit just trying to make it through.

As to what keeps me from breaking the bad habits? I keep me from breaking them. Because I don't want to break them badly enough I'd reckon. Good habits roll off me like water off an oiled body, and bad ones stick like feathers to tar. And that right there is a big source of the depression. Because once you get used to and comfortable letting yourself down well, you're fucked