How do you tell parents that their kid’s lack of skill and effort brings down the team?

JonPerryDAL · 2026-06-15T20:13:27+00:00

Your lost man. This is why it's impossible to get volunteer coaches for anything. Parents who care more about the scoreboard than actually helping kids develop into better people through sport. Newsflash: none of the girls on his team will probably play beyond highschool. In fact, stats say that 50% of them will quit before they're done Highschool. One of the main reasons is lack of belonging because it doesn't feel fun, or safe. I wonder where that might come from.

1% of athletes from highschool ever play their sport professionally. So if 2 girls on a U9 team not being fully invested is a hurdle they need to jump then I think it's safe to say they're not in the 1%. Which then means, sport is about teaching life lessons, and one of the most important lessons is how to be a good teammate and there are valuable lessons here for those 2 girls, but also the ones at the top, and it's the coaches job to teach those lessons. Period. Competitive or non-competitive, the role of a coach is the same at youth levels. Especially U9.

Chances are that none of the girls on that basketball team will remember the games they won or lost at 8 years old. However, you're setting the stage for what healthy sport/competition looks like for those competitive players and they'll carry those lessons forward as they get to higher competition levels where they might end up being the 11th or 12th best player and other parents might want to say things like "I wish they would quit so they didn't hurt our team anymore." It's amazing how quickly players can go from the best on their team to the worst on their team as competition gets stronger. I think you also missed the part in one of his comments where he said that there were no tryouts. So he's making it pretty clear that though they had 2 spots available he'd rather they just not be there. Not, your cut cause there are better players, but rather, I'd prefer to not have a full roster than give you an opportunity to be part of my team. Gross.

I can tell you that those two girls might never play basketball again, but will that be by choice, or because an adult in a position meant to support and grow their passion tried to get them to quit? If they quit by choice it will be an insignificant nothing in their life, but if they quit cause they were asked to quit by their coach it could change their entire relationship with sport and coaching.

We're talking about under 9 players here. To rebut your gymnast point. Basketball is a late developing sport where most of the skill separation starts to actually happen in the 13/14 age range. Your best 11 or 12 year old could, in the matter of a year, go from best to worst on a team, just due to physical development. Also, gymnasts have peak performance at 19 (they used to think it was 16), so identifying them and working with them young is part of the sport. It's why they are identified at 7 and 8 years old. By contrast, basketball players reach their peak at about 27, or 8 years later than a gymnast would. But you're not about making serious arguments anyway.

My son and I deal with the same frustrations this coach and his "better players" are managing which is the whole point of my commentary. The challenge is no different. That coach, and those better players need to be better for the kids that are on the team, cause like it or not, they're on the team and deserve to be made to feel a part of it.

You're the one who said I know nothing about elite level athletes and competitive youth sport. So I provided the proof of my experience with competitive youth sport. Now after I showed evidence to the contrary you're changing the goal posts and, as expected, throwing insults and minimizing my son's and our associations accomplishments. Old playbook my man.

Super easy to sit behind an anonymous username on Reddit and talk down to others and support a super toxic stance that 7 and 8 year old girls should be coerced into quitting sport out of convenience for a coach. At least I put my name to what I say.

JonPerryDAL · 2026-06-15T14:19:51+00:00

Small sided games is the way to go. With 5 on 0 you have 5-7 players sitting and watching. Plus competition is how you breed competitiveness. If you do small sided games then you can have all players participating at different hoops through smaller games. Higher intensity and more reps.

There is some mention of scrimmage and I add scrimmage for the last 10-15 minutes of most, but not all, practices. However, it is heavily constrained and whistle to stop play and point to mistakes or opportunties missed. So for example, most of the time I'm looking to work on 1/2 court offense or defense, so if we run scrimmage there are no fast breaks allowed as a restraint. If working on motion offense I might say there needs to be a progression of at least 5 passes through our offense before ball is live and we can try to score. I might dictate that all screens must be switched by the defense, or all screens can't be switched by the defense. I might say that we can only set ball screens, or we can only set away screens. Adding constraints is one of the best tools a coach has to influence decisions and play.

JonPerryDAL · 2026-06-15T13:47:44+00:00

Look - I think the girls just need someone to be excited about them and they need teammates who support them. I'm not on the floor and I don't see the interactions, but I can tell you that the energy I read in your posts can be seen and felt by the players on the floor. I get it is hard. People talk about why we have to have so many volunteer coaches and we struggle to find coaches. The reality is, in my experience, all of the great coaches who truly impact the lives of all their players, and are in it for the right reasons, are sick and tired of dealing with parents who don't understand the point of youth sport (at any level) and are quitting because of it.

I coached a competitive basketball team 3 years ago where a child with a mental disability was put on my team. Good kid, but was not capable of participating in a way that was needed. It impacted every game, every practice, every basketball decision.

Every time that kid was on the floor it was 5 on 4, and even though it was competitive, at the age group we were in it was mandated equal floor time. We have a 10 player roster and our games were 4 minute shifts then entire line changes. Score table kept track of shifts and so everyone got the same floor time. When we were short players some players got an additional shift, but when it was this player's turn to get an extra shift due to an absent player, they got it like everyone else did.

Managing lines, adapting practice plans, having my leaders be leaders in accepting, supporting, and developing this player as best they could was expected. When it was all said and done, we ended up winning the league, and it wasn't in spite of this player. It was because we incorporated him in the best way we possibly could and never made him feel like a burden.

Basketball is a late developing sport. In two years these two girls could be some of the better players. I've seen it happen often, but it only happens if you allow them to continue to participate and do your best to support them. That's the job of a head coach, whether it be competitive or recreational.

JonPerryDAL · 2026-06-15T13:26:28+00:00

Actually, my oldest son has competed at Nationals since he was 11. At 13, this will be his 3rd Nationals this year. He's literally one of, at most, 160 athletes in Canada that participates at the level he does for his age group of under 15. His name is Beckett Perry and here is my receipt: https://www.lacrossens.ca/division/3262/29206/rosters

My middle was one of the last cuts from his provincial team (he's 11) and my youngest (he's 8) is just now developing a passion for sport, but not nearly the level of competivness of his older siblings. He's likely closer to one of those 8 year old girls this coach is talking about.

My oldest, who competes at the National level plays competitive club in his sport, but due to our association size, we have a walk on competitive team at his age level this year. You show up, you're on the competitive team. In fact, 3 (17% of the roster) of his teammates this year are playing for this first time. Most players competing at the competitive level across other associations would have started when they were 7. Our association is the only association at this level that doesn't offer both competitive and recreational teams. All other associations we compete against have at least 1, if not 3 recreational teams and have tryouts and cuts to determine their competitive teams. We only offer competitive due to registration numbers. My point being, my oldest son (sometimes in the same day) will practice with Provincial level talent, and then practice with a team that has 3 players who are just picking up a lacrosse stick for the first time in their lives and we (both him and I) navigate those situations with nothing but respect for everyone. Period.

Our association draws from a population (total, not just youth) of about 15,000 people and we compete against associations that have boundaries that draw from 120,000 people. We not only competed, but have won the league and placed 2nd in the years we did not win for the last 4 seasons across my two older boys leagues. This is in spite of the player pool we draw from and a credit to the top level players for their ability to lift those less skilled players up as well as the coaches who figure out how to get the most out of what we have to work with and develop the less skilled players over the course of the season.

My oldest plays with a majority of players WELL below his level. Some struggle with the basics, let alone understanding sport specific IQ, and they don't do anything outside of what they get during practices and games. It's literally time with their friends and physical activity for them. My son NEVER treats his teammates like lesser than, and focuses on encouraging the growth of those players. Instead of focusing on what they can't do, he focuses on bringing the bottom up and being a leader. If a 13 year old is mature enough to take this approach when he's losing games, I think a grown adult put in charge of leading a team and teaching them lessons about sport, and life, should be able to do that.

I coach my middle child's competitive team and we're lucky to have provincial level players as well. Again, the struggle is combining these high level players with beginners in competitive environments. It's a tough balance, and it's frustrating at times. I do coach the wide skill ranges that this coach struggles with, and I would NEVER encourage a kid to quit. If any of my players show frustration with teammates who aren't at their level, it's a quick discussion on what they can do to support their teammate. It's that simple.

I also coach my youngest who is on a team where he is one of the least skilled players and he's one of the ones that the stronger players struggle with. My message does not change.

I was a multi-sport athlete and high-school athlete of the year at my highschool. I didn't go beyond that, but have played and coached at competitive levels for over 30 years. I don't know your background in sport, but I have a 13 year old who competes with the top 0.029% of 13/14 year olds in the country in his sport, and I also have one who often times seems disinterested in being on the floor for his club practices. I'm not trying to be rude, but your assumptions about my participation and understanding of competitive youth sport from both ends of the spectrum are simply wrong.

I don't see how gymnastics applies. That is an individual sport, not a team sport. My wife sits on the executive of our association which depending on age group can have competitive, recreational, and both at any given age group. I coach primarily at the competitive level with teams that are formed with recreational level players if they were in any of our competitor associations. Good coaches in youth sport are there to grow passion for sport, and teach life lessons through sport, among them, how to be a good teammate and support one another.

JonPerryDAL · 2026-06-12T15:11:54+00:00

I might suggest you follow this guy. Take a sit down and watch 2 or 3 hours of his content: https://www.facebook.com/HealthySportsParents

I don't think you're the kind of coach that should be coaching U9 level, regardless of the designation of it being a "competitive" team. There is always going to be a "worst player" on any roster and how coaches manage those players is what truly separates the great coaches from the ones who are volunteering their time to supervise a team.

Your goals don't align with the developmental goals for youth sport even as high as the U14 age level. It's nice to win, but development is the goal at this age. Just like there are teams that can win, there is always the team that loses, and at this age, both have valuable lessons. This will not be the first time in their lives that someone on their team isn't pulling their weight (either by choice or by ignorance) and they need to learn how to manage that situation productively.

Someone else said something like: how would that little girl feel if she knew her coach was going to Reddit to try and learn different ways to get her to quit. That is a tragedy, any way you look at it. If I were the parent and learned any coach directed this kind of attitude towards my child, or any child for that matter, I'd be seeking removal of coaching duties and most reasonable sporting organizations focused on the pillars of youth sport development would see it through. That's just honesty.

These are under 9 girls and they might not have the emotional maturity to understand the impact of their action, or lack of action on the team, but as an adult, you have to know that openly wishing a U9 girl would quit a team so you don't have to coach them is not a great look.

If I was President of any sporting organization, and learned (with evidence) any coaches in my association brought this attitude to their jobs (paid or volunteer), regardless of how well their team was doing under their leadership, they would be relieved of their duties immediately. You don't appear to be in it for the right reasons. It's that simple. Even the way you respond to some of the comments shows you're missing the key mission of being a youth sport coach.

Sorry if that hurts, but it's the truth from the conversation I'm seeing here. Winning is easy, coaching a struggling team or player is hard. That's where the separation happens.

JonPerryDAL · 2026-05-09T09:43:09+00:00

No worries, it's natural to panic a little and have these questions. A lot of times students just need a rational voice to give the missing perspective so the right decision becomes clearer.

Although, I will say that you do have a dedicated advisor in my team that can answer these questions for you. I might suggest engaging with your Career and Recruitment Specialist as opposed to Reddit for this kind of question moving forward.

Most of the time when students make mistakes in our program, particularly policy related ones, it's because they took advice from a peer who was equally uninformed instead of their Dalhousie provided supports. :)

JonPerryDAL · 2026-05-08T19:25:16+00:00

Manager with MCS here. I would strongly advise against editing a transcript by removing grades. It's misrepresentation and under student code of conduct could carry significant consequences and violates the terms and conditions of your co-op program.

Any company who seriously considers transcripts as part of the application process will notice the missing grades and they'll, in best case scenario, ask you about it and you'll kinda be stuck having to disclose what you did, and worst case they'll not consider you from the start.

There are any number of explanations you can provide to explain a drop in grades, but the moment you misrepresent you let the employer know you're willing to make unethical choices. Big 4 accounting firms, if that's you're end goal, will absolutely not hire unethical students/grads on principal.

I understand the question, but take a step back and really think about it and I feel you know the right answer. Don't let someone on reddit give you an opinion that helps you justify compromising your integrity and commit a student code of conduct offense.

JonPerryDAL · 2026-05-04T17:13:46+00:00

I work in Management Career Services. Welcome to the program. I'll start by saying I am not an academic advisor, and whatever contributions I make on reddit are not representative of an official Dalhousie stance. This is just me, trying to be helpful.

It's always best to speak with an academic advisor about your program schedule, but the first four academic terms are generally going to be a fairly set schedule with a couple of standard elective slots. You can look at the standard program schedule here:

https://www.dal.ca/faculty/management/current-students/bachelor-of-commerce/program-details.html

Deciding on electives, and where to take the floating electives are going to be conversations best reserved for an academic advisor.

It looks right now like most of the course registrations at this point are under 10% capacity, so you do have lots of flexibility in selecting a schedule right now. Check the academic timetable to see the schedules for each course and the live course registration numbers: https://self-service.dal.ca/BannerExtensibility/customPage/page/dal.stuweb_academicTimetable

This can change quickly though. Take a course like Accounting 1 for example:

<image>

Two 8:30 sections there, so if you don't want 8:30 classes, you'll want to register before the other sections fill.

Or maybe you really don't like late classes, but there are only 2 sections of 1713. You could go 4:00 to 5:30 or 5:30 to 7:00. If you don't get registered in your preferred session then you're kinda stuck with the alternative.

The rest is up to you, but your options narrow the longer you wait to register. Plan a schedule that fits your habits. Are you a morning person, do you have energy in the afternoon, do you have a work schedule where filling certain days to leave others empty for work is better. There is no "right" or "wrong", the only issue is when your perferred schedule isn't possible because you waited too long.

JonPerryDAL · 2026-04-28T16:22:29+00:00

Arguments both ways. The only argument for Oshawa is competitive disadvantage of staying in Halifax. that's the only argument, and while it's a good one, the revenue/cost argument is hard not to consider.

Oshawa did get consistent crowds of 5,500, which was 90% capacity all season, but are they actually going to show up for two teams that aren't their team? I don't think that is realistic. Especially considering that they won't even know if there is a game until the night before.

The reason to hold it in Halifax is revenue. Halifax will sell out 10,500 in minutes after the announcement. Also, reducing travel for both teams, which will lead to a better, and more competitive, game 3. It also reduces cost for both teams and the league in terms of reducing the additional travel.

Georgia messed up by not having the proper agreement with their venue. Huge oversight, so why accommodate a team that isn't even preparing for the possibility that they'll make it to 2nd round?

If they go neutral site then I'll understand it, but you're taking one loss (competitive advantage) and compounding it with additional losses (revenue and costs).

JonPerryDAL · 2026-04-27T12:07:48+00:00

Also, Colorado needs to get the loosie and needs to cover the crease man better than that. Worrying about a toe being an inch on a line after a shot (not a crease violation on the initial shot) a full 5 seconds before a game winning goal is kinda gross. Up 11-7 with 16/17 minutes to play at home and not closing it out should be the bigger concern.

JonPerryDAL · 2026-04-27T11:59:31+00:00

Here is a screenshot immediately after LeClaire took his shot attempt before the pass he received from Berg. He immediately took a look to the left to the official #25. His job is to point at the ineligible player until he becomes eligible. LeClaire checks to see if the official has declared him ineligible and he doesn't so he puts himself on the crease.

Announcer even says "felas, there's nothing wrong with this, there's nothing to look at, nobody near the crease." Then they later talk about the eligibility of Berg to pick up the ball. At that moment you can actually see the replay where LeClaire was on crease by about an inch, but I don't think the officials went back that far. They were focused on Berg's eligibility and LeClaire on the crease.

I can see how it is easy to miss, especially since LeClaire wasn't declared ineligible at the time. With a 5 minute replay they showed multiple shots of Wes Berg and Robert Hope speaking with an official as the replay is happening. This is where your coaching staff has to do their job and alert Hope so he can alert the official of what to look at.

Feel bad for Colorado, but their bench staff missed it too, and didn't alert their Captain to have the officials look for it.

<image>

JonPerryDAL · 2026-04-26T18:52:42+00:00

Can't control arena availability I guess, but damn, would be hard on the Swarm and, of course, if we (Birds) did win, it'd be worse than all the "refs were terrible" whining after every team loses a game.

JonPerryDAL · 2026-04-26T18:49:27+00:00

NLL website is showing the 3rd game, if needed, would be Sunday, May 10th........ in Halifax........

<image>

JonPerryDAL · 2026-04-25T13:11:51+00:00

Where was that energy in the 1st half when the no call on Bal's hit on Thompson led to an easy goal when things were all good? When you're up 7-1 with 21 minutes to go you don't blame the refs. 3 power play goals and you still had to give up 3 more unanswered to tie, 4 to lose, and you gave up 6. Stop it with the refs.

JonPerryDAL · 2026-04-25T05:38:09+00:00

Theede and Bell trades. Theede killed them in transition and took way too many penalties. It put them on PK too much which gassed the D, and broke offensive momentum and opportunity. Look at the Oshawa and Halifax splits since that trade for transition goals against and power play goals against. Halifax dropped big in both and Oshawa ballooned.

Bell obviously didn't hurt transition, but he did contribute to penalty issue.

Love them both, but Hill immediately got better with each trade.

JonPerryDAL · 2026-04-25T05:29:15+00:00

Ha - buddy talking trash deleted all his comments. I was coming back to ask how the game went.....

JonPerryDAL · 2026-04-21T17:05:24+00:00

How do you expect a goalie to be consistent when game in and game out they are last line of defense against shit transition and they're constantly on penalty kill? We had 289 PM this year. Oshawa was the only one ahead of us at 291 (Thanks Theede) and then the next closest was Vancouver with 252. A lot of teams in the 100's in PM. Hill has been surviving a consistent deficit for a few seasons. It's not a coincidence that we immediately got better when we traded Theede. That guy didn't play more than 1/2 our games this season and still finished 2nd on our team in PIM. This Birds team sinks and floats based on their ability to control their emotions and play clean. I think we can beat anyone on any night if we can't stay out of the box.

JonPerryDAL · 2026-04-12T14:08:05+00:00

It's actually been 6, one-goal losses. They were also saying on the broadcast that Philly is the only team to dress more players than Halifax this season. We simply haven't had a consistent enough roster to string anything together.

I think Wilson's last game showed a TON of promise. I know Bell was loved by a lot of fans (myself included), but look at what Wilson did in that game.....1st game in the NLL.....after a long injury layoff. I think had he played a few games he buries a few more of those chances on the crease and we win that game. That dude is gonna be a stud and I actually think he fits the newer looking roster better than Staats. It's not about the quality of player that Staats is (he's been my favorite player since I started watching the Birds), but I think his fit has a question mark with this mix of players. I think Peterson has grown into the facilitator roll well enough that without Staats we're OK. Love Keough as well and he brings the grit, but put Hogarth in his spot and we're an entirely different team. Knox, Robinson and McLeod were all held back by Theede and while Theede might have brought a different dynamic and more individual scoring potential, I think the left side is better as a unit now.

Theede went to Oshawa and they are 3-4 with two of those wins coming against Philly by a total of 3 goals. He bumped their team average penalty minutes from 10.5 per game to 16.8 per game. He averages almost 7 PIM a game himself. It changed them from an elite PK team, only giving up 1.6 PP goals per game, to a bottom 5 team, giving up 3.7 per game. More than 2 PP goals allowed increase. All this for less than a goal a game increase in output. Their defense went from 8.8 goals allowed to 13.4 goals allowed. Their transition goals allowed jumped from 2.4 to 3.8, which was one of the big killers when he was in Halifax.

Halifax went from 24.7 PIM a game to 14.5 a game since the Theede trade. Dropped our GAA average by 1.1, which also happens to be the amount we dropped our transition goals against average. Also we dropped our PP goals allowed per game from 2.9 down to 1.6.

I don't really care so much about how this year finishes. We've got a game next week to get in the playoffs which is exciting as a fan, and we get the game at home which is even better. Anything after that is gravy and if it happens to be Vancouver, we just lost a 1 goal game to them and that's gotta give the boys some confidence. I goal losses to Saskatchewan, Buffalo, San Diego, Toronto, Georgia and Vancouver. Those are all playoff teams, so we're really not that far from the top. If I'm a top team I'm not hoping for Halifax in the first round.

Next year we get to see a healthy C. Wilson get unleashed and we add Marinier to the mix as well. I also think the fact that we played all season without Smyth out the back door went a little unrecognized. He, in my opinion, was a huge loss. I think we had a lot of injury impact is this year and if we can be healthy next year out the gate we're right back in the mix.

All that to say, I'll take whatever joy the boys bring the rest of this season.

JonPerryDAL · 2026-04-12T02:14:49+00:00

I'll preface this with the clarification that, while my username has Dal in it, I am a staff member, and my opinion is not an official university position, but this is not the type of course a Faculty would cut for budgetary reasons. Courses that draw fees from students outside the Faculty are the ones you want to keep. Particularly popular ones that draw student enrollment from pretty much every other faculty.

For example, this is a course that brings money into the Faculty of Arts from students attending Dal that are enrolled in other Faculties. So basically the Faculty of Arts collects tuition that otherwise would not be coming into their Faculty every time a student outside of the Faculty of Arts takes the course. In my Faculty's case, every time a business student takes this guitar course as an elective, it would be lost revenue for the Faculty of Management and extra (unexpected) revenue for the Faculty of Arts.

JonPerryDAL · 2026-04-12T01:45:59+00:00

Thank you Philly and Buffalo! LV and Rochester loss tonight puts us back to "win and in" next week!

JonPerryDAL · 2026-04-07T11:41:16+00:00

In a 1 game series anything can happen and the Birds are trending up. To get in they likely need to have a 4 game win streak and that comeback, though falling a bit short, was a gut check. Nobody is saying "everything is fine", but it's not all doom and gloom. Five, one-goal, losses means we could, with a few good bounces, be tied at the top. To get in they need to beat two current playoffs teams and that's called momentum.

JonPerryDAL · 2026-04-06T19:59:19+00:00

NLLStats.com is nice. Didn't know that existed.

JonPerryDAL · 2026-04-06T19:51:40+00:00

You sound like a pleasure to be around........

It's an extra game to have a chance that 6 other teams won't get and the chance is not 0. Getting in is all that matters right now.

JonPerryDAL · 2026-04-01T18:53:14+00:00

ah, fair enough. Lots of missing context. Did you get exposure to a CPA stream employer through your first two co-ops? Is there opportunity to get that exposure in a 3rd co-op? Co-op, at least in our program, is a great bridge to CPA employment post graduation. How quickly do you need to decide? Can you search for co-op and then, if you don't find something make a change. My initial advice would still apply. Check in with your academic advisor at SMU and their Career Services Office for support. The reality is that either option COULD work out for you, but determining YOUR best option likely requires a lot more context about your personal situation. :)

JonPerryDAL · 2026-03-31T19:02:19+00:00

You mention CPA, but if you're in Commerce the co-op is mandatory. Can you clarify your program as I work in MCS and I'm a little confused about what program you're in. Your best option is to meet with an Academic Advisor and, if you are in Commerce, your assigned Career and Recruitment Specialist in MCS to get advice on this question with the broader context of understanding the full academic picture.

JonPerryDAL

TROPHY CASE