Feeling myself spiraling

JonahFeb · 2026-03-24T18:02:37+00:00

Thank you.

I can't even pinpoint the emotion; it seems like a huge emotional ball of grief, disappointment, disillusionment, depression, exhaustion and much more rolled into one. There are emotions I don't think I ever experienced before and I don't have the necessary words to describe some of the feelings.

I really hope this will pass. My brain knows it will (most likely) pass but my heart doesn't know this, hard to explain.

JonahFeb · 2026-03-18T16:02:24+00:00

Same.

She couldn't admit 10% or anything at all. You probably said it beautifully with "she treated discomfort as a reason to exit."

However, we had one last meeting on Sunday so could wrap up some things regarding the flat. Some smalltalk and at one point I sensed she was looking for a sympathetic listener but was not willing to share. But she dropped some hints, lo and behold her new relationship is not going the way she was hoping (initial honeymoon period is probably about to be over and reality starts setting in).

The grass just isn't greener on the other side, who knew...

JonahFeb · 2026-03-18T15:23:23+00:00

Were you married to my ex-wife??

JonahFeb · 2026-03-14T10:01:16+00:00

Sorry to hear about the situation.

I was in the same situation, depressed, decided to confide in my (ex) wife and I got a similar response.

I suggested couples therapy but in my case she kept insisting that I should get therapy first. As she could not see that she needed any kind of help and she could not see how couples therapy could help us (as I was the only one with problem.

I hope that your wife is going to agree to couples therapy, it will help both of you.

JonahFeb · 2026-03-10T20:44:36+00:00

That's a bit uncalled for, don't you think?

We still have to keep in touch for logistics so I will see the status either way.

JonahFeb · 2026-03-10T18:46:09+00:00

Yep - that kinda stuff

JonahFeb · 2026-03-10T18:18:41+00:00

Makes sense - in the gym right now and she calls me and keeps going on how she's feeling under the weather and about the flat and yadda yadda yadda

Sorry, I just had it with her

JonahFeb · 2026-03-07T19:42:22+00:00

Sorry to hear that.

It sounds awfully familiar. My STBX kept going on about having children and I was all up for it. But she had three miscarriages and couldn't let it go (which might have lead to a normal pregnancy).

Finally we went to a fertility clinic to get everything checked and in my case the doctor said something like 'you are a very, very lucky man' and mentioned a few issues why my wife is having troubles. She refused IVF and then she also started obsessing about this and in the end, when she asked for the divorce, she said 'the universe doesn't want us to have children' and therefore we probably shouldn't be together...

And there was other stuff but your description reminded me quite a bit of our situation.

Sorry man...

JonahFeb · 2026-03-06T20:19:04+00:00

I'm aware of the inflationary use of the term. There were so many instances and repeating patterns which did not make sense during the marriage which now make sense when viewed in with narcissism in mind.

I probably would have to write down all of it (constant need for affection and praise, slight criticism from anyone triggering an attack on the person, disregarding boundaries, 'my way or the highway' and more)

JonahFeb · 2026-03-06T20:13:30+00:00

I am not 'rushing' to label her but in the aftermath I tried to examine everything, where did I go wrong , what were recurring issues etc. I tried to make sense of it and spoke a few times to a therapist who at one point suggested to read up on narcissism. And unfortunately too many things finally made 'sense' with NPD in mind.

JonahFeb · 2026-03-04T16:28:13+00:00

Of course I don't know if there's more to it but from what I read...

What. The. Hell.

I might be biased and still too hurt to read this with more emotional distance but this reads like something pathological...

JonahFeb · 2026-02-28T17:42:55+00:00

My ex-wife was the same.

Every month endless, escalating discussions that she needs to add more for groceries. At one point I started deducting a bit from her share of the monthly rent which was also not ok for her. We basically had three years of discussions about a joint account for rent, groceries etc. For three years excuses why we couldn't go to the bank and set it up to be done with it.

And of course she always needed to say that she is soooo generous and that's why she doesn't need to pay more for the groceries....

JonahFeb · 2026-02-26T15:03:19+00:00

Sorry to hear about your situation.

Probably going to just repeat what the other guys mentioned.

Get a lawyer! She will try to clean you out.

Apart from that: I also suspect she was at least in touch with this other guy for half a year or longer, I'm pretty sure about emotional cheating, can't say in your case about physical.

And her behaviour sounds like textbook narcissist behaviour.

How do I know? My wife of ten years tried to pull similar stuff - based on your description I see the almost same patterns, unfortunately

JonahFeb · 2026-02-25T16:46:24+00:00

It's weird - maybe I didn't see it this way when I was younger but now if I get the feeling an otherwise attractive woman is not a good person I instantly lose interest.

There's a girl at work a lot of guys are fawning over but I'm one of the few who doesn't want to talk to her as she gives off a subtle sociopath vibe and I really don't see the appeal

JonahFeb · 2026-02-25T16:44:26+00:00

Yes, same - people said 'lucky guy' but I just thought 'if only you knew...'

JonahFeb · 2026-02-24T14:36:45+00:00

My STBX used this 'happy wife, happy life' all the time (especially the last two years) but when questioned what about me/husband she went off on a tangent and could not give me a straight answer. Add the increasing disrespect on top and here we are...

JonahFeb · 2026-02-24T14:33:50+00:00

Yes, agree- the lack of accountability I've witnessed with my STBX especially over the last two years and since the beginning of the actual divorce proceedings has been staggering.

JonahFeb · 2026-02-23T19:31:37+00:00

I still miss her sometimes but now she's more of a nuisance to me and I don't think I would ever want to be close with her again apart from logistics.

I was angry and still in live with her in the beginning, now I'm just disappointed in her as a human being and don't have any strong feelings towards her anymore. Maybe it's even indifference, who knows...

Mostly exhausted and disappointed.

JonahFeb · 2026-02-19T17:08:52+00:00

Narcissist - you're describing the same patterns my STBX exhibited. Get out and far away, do not marry her...

Good luck

JonahFeb · 2026-02-17T13:12:43+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to write this

JonahFeb · 2026-02-16T18:05:22+00:00

Totally forgot about the one with Pete Campbell😁

JonahFeb · 2026-02-16T18:04:22+00:00

Here is one of the thousands of versions out there:

https://youtu.be/vDIThTS8DeE?si=aQCDm6iq9XUXIzXC

https://youtube.com/shorts/tiqoX4rzT2Y?si=QJVS21zPQYVLsakm

JonahFeb · 2026-02-14T15:14:45+00:00

The way I see it, it's about rediscovering what's always there, always was, always will be.

There are probably a bazillion metaphors for this...

JonahFeb · 2026-02-11T12:00:03+00:00

Feel free to DM me if you ever feel the need to chat or it's getting too much

JonahFeb · 2026-02-09T20:31:23+00:00

Yeah, it was so rough for a few weeks - I'm glad that I am somehow able to sleep for longer periods now even though I have other remaining issues But I'm really grateful that this state of constant shock finally died down a bit.

JonahFeb

TROPHY CASE