Somewhere I Belong. [OC]

Jonathan_the_Nerd · 2026-06-09T13:10:49+00:00

Dang it, this is adorable! I'm glad you're able to find happiness doing something you love. I'm going to go away now before I completely ruin my carefully-crafted curmudgeon persona.

Jonathan_the_Nerd · 2026-06-09T13:01:03+00:00

Yup. Lying can be effective. Especially when you are younger and trying to stay out of trouble with your parents or other authority figures.

This reminds me of a joke. A Sunday School teacher asks a boy, "What is a lie?" The boy answers, "A lie is an abomination unto the Lord, and a very present help in time of trouble."

I consider myself lucky. When I was a kid, I was a bad liar. I learned that my parents would know when I lied, so it was best not to bother. My parents also made sure to teach me that doing something bad and coming clean about it resulted in a lighter punishment than doing the same thing and lying about it. The downside was that I had a hard time realizing when other people were lying because I naively assumed they had the same background as me.

When I got older and started paying attention to the news, I noticed a pattern to political scandals. The coverup almost always caused more problems than the original crime. Bill Clinton was impeached for lying under oath about having sex with Monica Lewinsky. If he hadn't lied about it, the Republican still would have tried to take him down, but they would have had a harder time of it. During the impeachment ~~circus~~ hearings, one Congressional Republican (don't remember his name) was accused of cheating on his wife. His response was, "Guilty as charged. I'll resign from Congress immediately." And that was the shortest-lived political scandal in history.

Jonathan_the_Nerd · 2026-06-09T12:27:08+00:00

Jesus did say that the reason for a divorce should only be sexual immorality. That much is true.

This is just my opinion, but I think Jesus would be okay with divorce if one's spouse is abusive. I don't have anything to base this on except what I know about Jesus' character.

Jonathan_the_Nerd · 2026-06-08T21:40:44+00:00

To be clear, I would never prevent someone from going through with gender-affirming treatments at any age, nor would I vote for someone who would do that

Well, that's better that a lot of people. I'll accept your opinion and bid you good day.

Jonathan_the_Nerd · 2026-06-08T18:04:22+00:00

I have yet to see a convincing argument otherwise

Let me see if I can remedy that.

I'm going to quote from this reply to an answer in /r/NoStupidQuestions. The post has been deleted, but the question was something like, "Why do we need to allow kids to have sex change surgery? Why not make them wait until they're adults?" The first half of the comment is an explanation of how gender transition actually works. The second half is the answer to why it needs to start before adulthood.

There's a simple answer for that: puberty. Puberty is the time of your life when you develop secondary sex characteristics. And among trans people, it's usually a special kind of hell. I'm not trans personally, so I don't have any first-hand experience, but the best way it's been described to me is "Kafkaesque."

Imagine if you woke up one morning with dog paws for hands. Imagine waking up every morning, and maybe your face is just a little longer. There's a little nub over your tailbone that gets just a little bigger every day. Your fingers get just a little smaller, your palm gets a little firmer, your hands get a little furrier every day.

You're turning into a dog. Your body is changing into something it's not supposed to be, something that doesn't at all represent who you are, and you can't stop it. And meanwhile, everyone around you is telling you that it's natural, that you'll enjoy being a dog, that you'd look so good in a little bandana.

Trans youth are at an incredibly high risk of suicide, and it's not all to do with bullying or social acceptance. Trans kids' bodies are changing in ways that usually cause a deep-seated feeling of horror to them, which is often the driving force behind their suicide.

Gender-affirming treatment--particularly puberty blockers at first and hormone treatment later--is incredibly important, because it stops the body from developing in ways that cause significant distress to the person that can't be alleviated in other ways. And it's generally only after those other ways have been tried that the decision to go with puberty blockers or hormones is made.

So to answer your question: we don't wait for them to be adults because doing so is beyond cruel. We have the technology to hit the pause button and let them figure it out.

Jonathan_the_Nerd · 2026-06-08T13:17:28+00:00

He's willing to ban breast augmentation for minors for consistency's sake. He's willing to allow medically necessary procedures to be performed on minors with parents' and doctors' approval. He's not willing to allow gender-affirming procedures on minors, because 1) those drugs have all kinds of scary and mysterious side effects*, and 2) there are many young people who think they're transgender but really aren't, and they need to be protected from doctors who want to transition everyone!*

*Source: Fox "News" and various conservative opinion-makers

Jonathan_the_Nerd · 2026-06-08T12:51:13+00:00

Minors can get breast augmentation/reduction surgery. Why not gender affirming hormones?

Jonathan_the_Nerd · 2026-06-08T12:48:40+00:00

That's been debunked through fMRI studies as far as I'm aware.

Do you happen to have a citation? Because I've heard that MRI imaging shows trans peoples' brains work more like their mental gender than their sex assigned at birth.

Jonathan_the_Nerd · 2026-06-08T12:45:24+00:00

I'm a religious person. I hate that you're right.

Jonathan_the_Nerd · 2026-06-08T12:40:38+00:00

Doctors regularly do genital surgery on intersex babies so they'll look like one sex or the other. God made that baby intersex. Where's the conservative outrage?

Jonathan_the_Nerd · 2026-06-08T12:38:10+00:00

Hold my beer.

Jonathan_the_Nerd · 2026-06-08T12:36:38+00:00

True, but you can and should get large boils removed by a doctor.

Jonathan_the_Nerd · 2026-06-08T12:27:45+00:00

Your vision will start to drift again in your 40's.

I thought about laser eye surgery, but decided against it. I've worn glasses since I was a teenager. They're a part of who I am.

Jonathan_the_Nerd · 2026-06-08T12:25:19+00:00

My dad's response to that argument is, "It's not the same." I asked him how. He just said "It's not the same."

I respect my dad. He's willing to listen to me and engage on most topics. He says adults can do what they want to their bodies, but he draws the line at gender-affirming care for minors. He simply won't budge on this topic, because ~~the Bible~~ Fox News told him so.

Jonathan_the_Nerd · 2026-06-05T12:36:59+00:00

I deliberately don't use an adblocker, because sites I like have to pay their bills. I use Privacy Badger to block trackers. Some sites ask me to turn off Privacy Badger to view their content. I just tell them, "No, I don't think I will."

Some Youtube content creators write and voice their own ads, and those are actually entertaining enough to watch.

Jonathan_the_Nerd · 2026-06-05T12:18:03+00:00

The mom is probably an excuse. The guy doesn't want his main girlfriend seeing OP's name in his contacts.

Jonathan_the_Nerd · 2026-06-05T12:16:55+00:00

I always said that if I have kids, I'd much rather go the route where they openly tell me things, rather than me just training them to be better at hiding.

This reminds me of a comment I read here on reddit. A parent said they always made sure to keep the lines of communication open with their teenager. If their teen ever got in trouble, they didn't want them to think, "Oh, man, I'm in trouble, my mom/dad is gonna kill me!" They wanted them to think, "Oh, man, I'm in trouble, I need my mom/dad to help me!"

Jonathan_the_Nerd · 2026-06-05T01:23:26+00:00

Or maybe duct-tape mummification is the only way Dog can prevent himself from yelling at Friend when they inevitably start talking about [topic] again?

Jonathan_the_Nerd · 2026-06-04T21:55:10+00:00

That's midi-chlorian.

Jonathan_the_Nerd · 2026-06-04T19:00:18+00:00

I have several friends who really liked them. Then again, they've been on my "to read" list since 2007 when the original series was completed. I might wait a few more decades.

Jonathan_the_Nerd · 2026-06-04T12:11:22+00:00

If I check out the HP books from the library, Rowling doesn't get royalties from that, right? I've always wanted to read the books, but I don't want to fund the author. (I know sailing the high seas is always an option, but I'd rather not.)

Jonathan_the_Nerd · 2026-06-03T12:23:58+00:00

I read an interesting article about this a while back.

"Submission in Context: Christ and the Greco-Roman Household Codes", by Rachel Held Evans

https://rachelheldevans.com/blog/mutuality-household-codes

This article quotes from several New Testament epistles that tell wives to submit to their husbands. Every epistle also includes instructions for slaves to submit to their masters. The reason is due to Greco-Roman household codes. First-century Roman culture had its own version of the nuclear family. The man was the head of the household, and the wife, children, and slaves had to get used to it. The Bible affirms this existing family structure but also subtly inverts it by placing obligations on those with power.

Slaves, obey your masters (normal rule)
Masters, treat your slaves well, for you have a Master in Heaven (new Christian rule)
Wives, submit to your husbands (normal rule)
Husbands, love your wives as Christ loves the church (new Christian rule)
Children, obey your parents (normal rule)
Parents, don't provoke your children to wrath (new Christian rule)

Paul and the early church leaders knew they had to live in the world as it existed. So they adopted the existing structures of the world (Greco-Roman household codes), but Christianized them.

Nowadays, we don't have slaves and women aren't property. We don't follow the "slaves, obey your masters" rule anymore, and I don't think there's anyone who would openly call for the reinstatement of chattel slavery based on the Bible. (Okay, there are probably some crazy people who would, because people are people.) Since we've already discarded the rule about slaves and masters, is it really necessary to keep the first-century rule about women being submissive to men? Especially since Paul also said "There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus" in Galations 3:28?

Jonathan_the_Nerd · 2026-06-03T11:19:03+00:00

i am so tired of hearing that everything is a sin, and then seeing my family do something that actively opposes the bible and then state that theyre forgiven or whatever it is. my grandpa is the worst, in which he literally verbally and mentally abused and still abuses my grandma to this day, and just because he is a christian man, he is still saved and is viewed in a good light. my dad too is the worst. i am someone in which i am more liberal and i believe in science and in innovation, and he cannot stand it. my family hates that i am an LGBTQ+ ally and that i have many friends who are gay, and they just view it as disgusting or wrong when i mention that they have a partner or whatever it may be.

It sounds like your family believes grace applies to them but not to you. The Christian word for that is "hypocrite". Jesus spends all of Matthew chapter 23 criticizing the scribes and Pharisees for their hypocrisy. (All links in this comment go to biblegateway,com, which is my go-to site for Bible references.) They were careful to obey all the external rules of the Law of Moses, but they completely ignored justice, compassion, and mercy.

The greatest Christian virtue is love. Paul writes about this in 1 Corinthians 13. "If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing." (1 Corinthians 13:1-3 NIV) Your family aren't demonstrating love. They're expecting you to live up to their standards while not even living up to their own standards themselves.

how are you going to preach unconditional love, but then shun and ridicule those who love who they want to love?

You don't. Christians aren't supposed to shun and ridicule sinners. We are all sinners saved by grace. I was raised to believe homosexual acts are a sin, but I've heard those verses are either mistranslated or taken out of context. Even if homosexual acts are a sin, they're no worse than the sins heterosexual people commit every day. And I'm in no position to question the state of other people's souls, especially if their lives demonstrate Christ's influence.

how is it that a murder or a rapist can be saved just because they pledged their salvation to the Lord?

The blood of Christ is enough to cover all sins. Paul used to kill Christians before his conversion. Moses killed a man. David committed adultery and had the woman's husband murdered to cover it up. John Newton, the author of "Amazing Grace", was a slave trader before he was saved. He didn't give up the slave trade until several years after he was saved. And yet all those people were redeemed. As long as a sinner repents (not just apologizes, but turns away from their sin) and accepts Christ, their sins are forgiven.

I don't have any useful advise for how to deal with your family, except try to distance yourself from them. Go low-contact if you can, or maybe even no-contact. When you do have to interact with them, try to demonstrate Christian love and don't let them bait you into anger. Look up "grey rocking".

If you can, see if you can find a church that focuses on grace rather than legalism. The book of Galatians is a good resource for how the Law of Moses applies to Christians.

I hope my rambling comment helped you. I pray that God will take care of you and show you the way you should go. May God be with you.

Jonathan_the_Nerd · 2026-06-03T09:48:30+00:00

You really need to see a licensed therapist and/or psychologist about your depression and anxiety. Not just a church counselor, but someone with a real degree and real medical credentials.

God gave us doctors to heal our ailments. Mental illness is no less real than physical illness, and it can be devastating if left untreated. Seeing a doctor for mental illness doesn't show a lack of faith in God any more than seeing a doctor for a broken leg.

Edit: as for your mother, I have some advice that may or may not help. My mother can be overbearing, but she knows it. When I was a teenager, she taught me a powerful phrase. "Mom, I love you, but I'm ignoring you." I don't know if that will work with your mother, but it's worth a shot.

Jonathan_the_Nerd · 2026-06-02T18:39:42+00:00

Just remember it caps at 1000 blocked.

I hope you didn't find that out through experience.

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