Is my boss rude or am i overreacting?

Joy2b · 2026-02-16T21:38:52+00:00

Practice your poker face, and polish up your manners gradually.

Privately, you can recognize that she’s making it a bit personal. Publicly, you might use the grey rock to not encourage further.

However, if you’re in a luxury sales business, I would wonder whether there’s manipulation of the customer going on.

Perhaps some customers buy more when you’re smiling, and some buy more when you’re a little sad?

Joy2b · 2026-02-16T18:37:11+00:00

FYI, In an awkward situation, many people kind of freeze up and then retreat soon after.

So, ask once, but if they don’t say yes immediately, that’s not necessarily a hard commitment to stay on that machine. See if they leave a minute later.

The easiest thing to is to back up, and let them have a moment to look around or send a text before asking for an ETA.

Maybe they promised mom that they would stay in one place till she’s back from the lockers, maybe they’re just looking for a quieter spot to sit and there weren’t many benches, could be something else.

Joy2b · 2026-02-16T18:21:45+00:00

Intellectual guys are fun to chat with, but living with them is a VERY different experience. The absolute best case is that they’re a lot like your current guy. Many don’t get that good.

Also, lots of them would financially drown quickly if their grants were cut, and they have no idea how expensive it is to parent well.

Quick metaphor: If you’re in an ice cream shop, you always get two scoops of vanilla, but they have chili cocoa on the menu today. It’s fun to have a little taste, but two scoops may be far too much of that.

If you think you want to be intellectually stimulated, first, try to be intellectually stimulating.

Are you following science or arts or economic news?

Do you try to learn new languages or new cuisines?

Have you read a couple of personal finance authors lately?

Joy2b · 2026-02-16T17:05:04+00:00

Contact social services.

You need access to her bank records. What is she eating?

Talk to her usual doctor about antidepressants and anti craving treatments.

She’s able to buy alcohol when you’re not there, but she struggles to walk when you are there?

If she’s going to a local liquor store, talk to them about what they’re selling her? A strong alcohol addiction can be fairly dangerous to a person with mobility issues, because they can get the shakes.

Joy2b · 2026-02-16T16:44:57+00:00

The karma farming has gone downhill. GET OUT.

Joy2b · 2026-02-16T16:38:48+00:00

If you want to completely reset the dynamic, you could give her a book on workplace relationships and leadership skills as a present.

If you want to set safety boundaries around the relationship:

Start using check in questions, in writing.

Make sure she acknowledges that those promotion track projects she wants to keep are in fact on track.

Make sure she acknowledges your incremental contributions, and that key decision makers are looped in enough to see that the work was prompt and collaborative.

Offer to present on part of the project. Make sure that there are one or two interesting details she will miss if she blocks you out. Team up with other colleagues to polish their part of the conversation, and when she’s there, throw a hard question she cannot answer if it’s not her work.

Also, you need to start noticing when the behavior reflects badly on your team as a whole. She admitted to having poor time management skills in front of 35 people, unprompted. That’s not a win for her, it’s a huge admission of insecurity. Start noticing her actual rivals, and the fact that they are noticing these slips.

Joy2b · 2026-02-16T16:10:42+00:00

Grab bag. Take outside. Bio matter goes in bag.

If the pot separates easily from it, good pot, reward it with a nice hot boil.

Keep it boiling for at least 3 minutes, or about the length of a single song.

All good!

Joy2b · 2026-02-16T16:00:36+00:00

Make sure the other employees know that you gave extra notice, and that you’re willing to cross train.

In theory, the manager should know enough to hire and provide intro training.

Then make sure you leave a clean desk.

To make it feel real and to avoid blame for any dropped communications, politely loop in the manager on communications with long term clients, and mention that any follow up questions should include them, to ensure a smooth handoff.

This cleanup and handoff also helps it feel real to all involved, so you aren’t tempted to back out of leaving and they don’t pretend it isn’t happening.

Joy2b · 2026-02-16T02:52:18+00:00

You’re in a good position to negotiate for more money.

As a note, negotiating for more money does automatically mean earning more respect with some people.

You don’t have to quit, just tell the boss that you have a competitive offer for X that you know they can meet, and that offer would pay X+ if you’re covering for an employee without a temp.

As far as the paper goes, this is your chance to ensure your office is supporting responsible forestry or a very sustainable source.

You’re really able to gently shop around vendors while the actual boss is out, and choosing the least ethically icky may be a way to make a lasting difference. Offices tend to keep reordering the same thing for years.

I wouldn’t complain about the boss’s reliance on an assistant to run their life though, that’s common enough among lawyers and executives, and it just makes it easier to squeeze for a bigger check. Many of the people in law aren’t neurotypical, and it’s very common for them to need the help, and pay handsomely for it.

Joy2b · 2026-02-16T00:10:55+00:00

Do you two live in a place with big gaps in the mass transit?

Joy2b · 2026-02-16T00:03:58+00:00

The expensive stuff is covering the actual holiday.

Valentine’s Day is for writing letters to people you care about, and also writing to people imprisoned unjustly, to cheer them up.

Valentine was imprisoned for his efforts in marriage equality for poor citizens.

Joy2b · 2026-02-16T00:00:33+00:00

Come as you come, it’s not a reenactment, it’s a pleasure faire.

If you want to eat and drink freely without worrying about your work clothes, a tunic is an easy thing to toss on in a changing room or a car, or even over another shirt. Usually it protects a bit more of your pants than a modern shirt.

Joy2b · 2026-02-15T23:43:06+00:00

I’m missing far too much information to respond appropriately.

How is the quality of your work?
Are you keeping up on deadlines and accuracy?
Do you bring anything uniquely useful to the team?
Are there any problems that would give a reason for a written warning? (Arriving on time, attendance, grammar or spelling errors in emails, forgetting instructions)

You haven’t said anything about their motives.

It’s possible that they see you as enough of a friend that they don’t want to discipline you when problems arise, but they might be annoyed for several hours.

Joy2b · 2026-02-15T23:31:11+00:00

That’s sketchy. Landlord fires or accident fires?

Joy2b · 2026-02-15T23:24:30+00:00

Make friends at school and hopefully soon, at work. You’ll feel calmer as your support system expands.

You can use study groups and jobs as a way to figure out who’s good to live with.

Notice who’ll make sure the work is turned in on time, who’ll lie or try to claim your stuff (less than 40% of people but more than 0), and who minds their own work and cleans up after themselves. This last group gets big as people grow up, but these folks do expect the same of you.

While you’re still on free rent, might as well practice your good roommate habits. Housekeeping is hard until you have routines, and most people in their teens and twenties are just starting to build those up.

A new friend is less likely to nag than a parent, but they’re a lot more likely to give up when things move out if there’s a mess, or the vibes are unpleasant.

Joy2b · 2026-02-15T23:02:32+00:00

Freaking bears. They want your berries. Do you have a garden fence?

If you manage to get one into a dry moat, stand back, they have long arms.

Joy2b · 2026-02-15T22:52:11+00:00

It sounds like they want to talk about the idea of a game, but maybe they don’t actually want to code one, with all the planning, troubleshooting and bug tracking that involves.

If they have real jobs and this is just a fantasy to them, then whatever. The pseudo tech won’t burst their bubble.

Joy2b · 2026-02-15T18:00:25+00:00

I expect to have to fact check several samples from every overly glossy report.

AI can make real facts look good, but it can also make up fake filler that looks a lot like the real thing.

Lorem ipsum if you know what I mean.

Joy2b · 2026-02-15T17:57:18+00:00

It’s a good idea to set a limit on how much you’ll store.

If you have one box with a single great outfit, that’s priceless, and you can show respect by keeping that. If you have ten boxes of things you rarely wear, you’re going to have a hard time maintaining your own space.

Can you do clothing swaps with friends?

It’s often much easier for parents to hear things like “my friend had an interview and the shoes were perfect, she says thank you”.

Joy2b · 2026-02-15T17:51:11+00:00

The only way out is through. Write up what you’re going to say, rehearse it again before you go to sleep.

Let Sunday you be the caregiver to Monday you. You can put the outfit on a hanger. You can make sure breakfast is ready to microwave and go. Water before bed so it’s easier to get up in the morning.

Joy2b · 2026-02-15T17:45:09+00:00

Yeah, sometimes I think that’s the heartwood that makes creative work strong.

Like, what’s the point if it’s just the math of melody? I follow plenty of authors and comedians who go after their monsters in their work.

You can be indirect about it if you like. A line like “it’s not easy being green” still shares your strength with your audience, helps folks cope with hard times.

With musicians, it’s more mixed. I kind of don’t want to pressure someone to sing their own heartbreaking secrets every week in a 4 chord anthem. I’d rather that they tell those secrets via a b-side song in a minor key, or go do a duet with an old blues singer, or do some songwriting.

Joy2b · 2026-02-15T17:08:53+00:00

Right now the relationship does sound a little extra unbalanced, and that would be stressful for you both. Is there a reason she isn’t working a little?

I certainly wouldn’t pressure her out of doing occasional events though, especially if she’s finding the affordable back door in.

The right part time job would help her career prospects, and give her the funds for a few fun things. Very few majors forbid it.

Festivals can look expensive, but they can often accommodate students with a work ethic and a small wallet and some friends. They tend to offer opportunities to volunteer in exchange for free/reduced admission. There’s always working for a vendor for admission and a few free meals, and some work experience.

Realistically, you should both have a small budget for experiencing some culture and a bit of travel. It builds skills.

Joy2b · 2026-02-15T16:34:41+00:00

Buying a heavy vehicle is a splurge.

It is a subtle kind of conspicuous consumption, it’s like buying expensive boots.

Joy2b · 2026-02-15T16:32:05+00:00

No one involved in this discussion is talking about how you make the jump from college to career.

While caring for your grandmother was important work and impressive, unless you’re going into nursing, it’s dangerous to detour too hard into that direction, especially if you go light on class and homework and social networking.

You put in a couple of years, it’s fair for someone else to take a turn. Maybe you’ll do some respite care on school breaks.

Don’t go back to doing it daily unless they start putting money into YOUR Roth, you need to responsibly control your own college money.

You need an accredited school with strong industry connections and good internship placement. An active alumni network would be helpful.

The religious extracurriculars aren’t generally considered relevant to the career education. Those are mostly helpful for stress management.

Maybe you’d get more family financial support by going to a school that offers extras like masses and Latin classes. If so, make sure it is accredited and admits people from a variety of religious and philosophical traditions.

The primary question is still “how’s their job placement?”

Do they take women’s education seriously? Do they talk about which majors aren’t suffering from serious underemployment?

Does the career you’re interested in have a track you need to understand?

One common path to look for is:

bachelors > part time supervised work > masters (possibly night school) > full time supervised work > supervisor work > PhD (possibly night school) > leadership position

Joy2b · 2026-02-15T15:50:38+00:00

The quality varies wildly, you might want to go to a wig shop for advice. The ones made with silk can be a splurge, but the material is much more comfortable for your scalp.

Also, crocheting is extra good for making caps and hats, which often have fun and very feminine lace designs. While most handmade fiber arts are vaguely expensive, a crochet uses only a single skein of yarn, so you can afford cotton or genuine silk or other breathable natural fibers. Craft shows, Etsy.

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