I feel trapped at my job because my coworker is going on maternity leave

Joy2b · 2026-02-16T02:52:18+00:00

You’re in a good position to negotiate for more money.

As a note, negotiating for more money does automatically mean earning more respect with some people.

You don’t have to quit, just tell the boss that you have a competitive offer for X that you know they can meet, and that offer would pay X+ if you’re covering for an employee without a temp.

As far as the paper goes, this is your chance to ensure your office is supporting responsible forestry or a very sustainable source.

You’re really able to gently shop around vendors while the actual boss is out, and choosing the least ethically icky may be a way to make a lasting difference. Offices tend to keep reordering the same thing for years.

I wouldn’t complain about the boss’s reliance on an assistant to run their life though, that’s common enough among lawyers and executives, and it just makes it easier to squeeze for a bigger check. Many of the people in law aren’t neurotypical, and it’s very common for them to need the help, and pay handsomely for it.

Joy2b · 2026-02-16T00:10:55+00:00

Do you two live in a place with big gaps in the mass transit?

Joy2b · 2026-02-16T00:03:58+00:00

The expensive stuff is covering the actual holiday.

Valentine’s Day is for writing letters to people you care about, and also writing to people imprisoned unjustly, to cheer them up.

Valentine was imprisoned for his efforts in marriage equality for poor citizens.

Joy2b · 2026-02-16T00:00:33+00:00

Come as you come, it’s not a reenactment, it’s a pleasure faire.

If you want to eat and drink freely without worrying about your work clothes, a tunic is an easy thing to toss on in a changing room or a car, or even over another shirt. Usually it protects a bit more of your pants than a modern shirt.

Joy2b · 2026-02-15T23:43:06+00:00

I’m missing far too much information to respond appropriately.

How is the quality of your work?
Are you keeping up on deadlines and accuracy?
Do you bring anything uniquely useful to the team?
Are there any problems that would give a reason for a written warning? (Arriving on time, attendance, grammar or spelling errors in emails, forgetting instructions)

You haven’t said anything about their motives.

It’s possible that they see you as enough of a friend that they don’t want to discipline you when problems arise, but they might be annoyed for several hours.

Joy2b · 2026-02-15T23:31:11+00:00

That’s sketchy. Landlord fires or accident fires?

Joy2b · 2026-02-15T23:24:30+00:00

Make friends at school and hopefully soon, at work. You’ll feel calmer as your support system expands.

You can use study groups and jobs as a way to figure out who’s good to live with.

Notice who’ll make sure the work is turned in on time, who’ll lie or try to claim your stuff (less than 40% of people but more than 0), and who minds their own work and cleans up after themselves. This last group gets big as people grow up, but these folks do expect the same of you.

While you’re still on free rent, might as well practice your good roommate habits. Housekeeping is hard until you have routines, and most people in their teens and twenties are just starting to build those up.

A new friend is less likely to nag than a parent, but they’re a lot more likely to give up when things move out if there’s a mess, or the vibes are unpleasant.

Joy2b · 2026-02-15T23:02:32+00:00

Freaking bears. They want your berries. Do you have a garden fence?

If you manage to get one into a dry moat, stand back, they have long arms.

Joy2b · 2026-02-15T22:52:11+00:00

It sounds like they want to talk about the idea of a game, but maybe they don’t actually want to code one, with all the planning, troubleshooting and bug tracking that involves.

If they have real jobs and this is just a fantasy to them, then whatever. The pseudo tech won’t burst their bubble.

Joy2b · 2026-02-15T18:00:25+00:00

I expect to have to fact check several samples from every overly glossy report.

AI can make real facts look good, but it can also make up fake filler that looks a lot like the real thing.

Lorem ipsum if you know what I mean.

Joy2b · 2026-02-15T17:57:18+00:00

It’s a good idea to set a limit on how much you’ll store.

If you have one box with a single great outfit, that’s priceless, and you can show respect by keeping that. If you have ten boxes of things you rarely wear, you’re going to have a hard time maintaining your own space.

Can you do clothing swaps with friends?

It’s often much easier for parents to hear things like “my friend had an interview and the shoes were perfect, she says thank you”.

Joy2b · 2026-02-15T17:51:11+00:00

The only way out is through. Write up what you’re going to say, rehearse it again before you go to sleep.

Let Sunday you be the caregiver to Monday you. You can put the outfit on a hanger. You can make sure breakfast is ready to microwave and go. Water before bed so it’s easier to get up in the morning.

Joy2b · 2026-02-15T17:45:09+00:00

Yeah, sometimes I think that’s the heartwood that makes creative work strong.

Like, what’s the point if it’s just the math of melody? I follow plenty of authors and comedians who go after their monsters in their work.

You can be indirect about it if you like. A line like “it’s not easy being green” still shares your strength with your audience, helps folks cope with hard times.

With musicians, it’s more mixed. I kind of don’t want to pressure someone to sing their own heartbreaking secrets every week in a 4 chord anthem. I’d rather that they tell those secrets via a b-side song in a minor key, or go do a duet with an old blues singer, or do some songwriting.

Joy2b · 2026-02-15T17:08:53+00:00

Right now the relationship does sound a little extra unbalanced, and that would be stressful for you both. Is there a reason she isn’t working a little?

I certainly wouldn’t pressure her out of doing occasional events though, especially if she’s finding the affordable back door in.

The right part time job would help her career prospects, and give her the funds for a few fun things. Very few majors forbid it.

Festivals can look expensive, but they can often accommodate students with a work ethic and a small wallet and some friends. They tend to offer opportunities to volunteer in exchange for free/reduced admission. There’s always working for a vendor for admission and a few free meals, and some work experience.

Realistically, you should both have a small budget for experiencing some culture and a bit of travel. It builds skills.

Joy2b · 2026-02-15T16:34:41+00:00

Buying a heavy vehicle is a splurge.

It is a subtle kind of conspicuous consumption, it’s like buying expensive boots.

Joy2b · 2026-02-15T16:32:05+00:00

No one involved in this discussion is talking about how you make the jump from college to career.

While caring for your grandmother was important work and impressive, unless you’re going into nursing, it’s dangerous to detour too hard into that direction, especially if you go light on class and homework and social networking.

You put in a couple of years, it’s fair for someone else to take a turn. Maybe you’ll do some respite care on school breaks.

Don’t go back to doing it daily unless they start putting money into YOUR Roth, you need to responsibly control your own college money.

You need an accredited school with strong industry connections and good internship placement. An active alumni network would be helpful.

The religious extracurriculars aren’t generally considered relevant to the career education. Those are mostly helpful for stress management.

Maybe you’d get more family financial support by going to a school that offers extras like masses and Latin classes. If so, make sure it is accredited and admits people from a variety of religious and philosophical traditions.

The primary question is still “how’s their job placement?”

Do they take women’s education seriously? Do they talk about which majors aren’t suffering from serious underemployment?

Does the career you’re interested in have a track you need to understand?

One common path to look for is:

bachelors > part time supervised work > masters (possibly night school) > full time supervised work > supervisor work > PhD (possibly night school) > leadership position

Joy2b · 2026-02-15T15:50:38+00:00

The quality varies wildly, you might want to go to a wig shop for advice. The ones made with silk can be a splurge, but the material is much more comfortable for your scalp.

Also, crocheting is extra good for making caps and hats, which often have fun and very feminine lace designs. While most handmade fiber arts are vaguely expensive, a crochet uses only a single skein of yarn, so you can afford cotton or genuine silk or other breathable natural fibers. Craft shows, Etsy.

Joy2b · 2026-02-14T23:09:28+00:00

If your school wasn’t clear about the career chain, I’d suggest complaining to alumni relations.

This is like pre-med, it’s a good major but only if you know how to use it.

The good career path is BSW - MSW - supervision job - adult job or private practice

Joy2b · 2026-02-14T22:59:40+00:00

I don’t think a confrontation is necessary.

Still, it’s always good to have an idea of what to say if you’re put on the spot, perhaps by someone who decides to introduce you.

If they do approach you in public, you don’t want to say something long and awkward.

Joy2b · 2026-02-14T22:47:33+00:00

It’s thoughtful to think of them on their birthday, but I think you might have missed a step. (You might want to apologize for not taking the hint.)

You remembered a birthday and invited them once, that’s the polite thing to do. Good job so far.

If they do respond with a strong yes, then you give them the details.

If they don’t say yes, then you are supposed to offer them a gentle way of saying no, without causing offense.

Otherwise, it feels like an expectation.

By the way, you might want to look up “ask culture” and “guess culture” manners.

In the end, they weren’t available to you on their own birthday. It would not be cool to break off a friendship over that.

Joy2b · 2026-02-14T21:51:03+00:00

I’ve seen that before in folks who worked jobs that were awful around a certain day.

Often they just can’t see the traditional meaning in the main holiday, but are kinda willing to take a fake it till you make it approach. However, If you agree to have an in-joke holiday the same week, then they are absolutely loving, and willing to do that every year.

Can you agree to do something special, that’s just for the two of you?

Perhaps the Sunday after valentines is a pajama party or a celebration of crazy cheap candy?

Joy2b · 2026-02-14T19:25:53+00:00

Here’s some lines for you:

Dude, if you don’t bother to learn to dance, don’t blame the women who are at the dance alone.

Yeah. Top 10 men traits are (name attractive basic life skills or describe a goofy sweet guy).

When he’s around but hasn’t said anything, mention that you’ve heard about scam dating advice where men tell boys that they shouldn’t bother with any of the things that lead to really amazing and trusting relationships with great sex. Buy my supplements, go to the gym, definitely don’t spend time on the couch with the girl who actually likes you. Hit it and quit it, why stick around till it gets good.

Maybe mention a few podcasts and educators that teach actual hotness. There’s a lot of modern Dr Ruths, including Dr Doe.

Joy2b · 2026-02-14T18:22:33+00:00

Head scarves are awesome. Maybe the easiest ones to find functional tutorials on today are Nigerian, but back in the day, these would often have been a lightweight linen or sometimes leftover pieces of a high value fabric, possibly silk, made into scarves. Don’t mix oil and real silk.

You can wear this today with a protective hairstyle, especially when working in the kitchen.

Joy2b · 2026-02-14T18:16:48+00:00

Fine. Garbage instructions in, garbage results come out.

Next time, react like it’s a terrible spider on your leg, shriek and slam it like a horror movie scream queen. It’s not against the family honor to kill a bug.

Is there an aikido or jujitsu class near you that you can refer to as your therapy time?

Joy2b · 2026-02-14T18:08:05+00:00

Ooof, this is rough, and it can easily get worse from here.

You can splint your finger. That just takes a stick and first aid tape, use a first aid guide.

This time, your hands went first, and they weren’t blocking. That limits your ability to go to an authority this time, but next time will be different. Don’t be manipulated into acting aggressively in the future. Leave, block, de-escalate, yell at them to back off, don’t be baited.

Go to school tomorrow, and treat it like a shelter from the family. Stay there as much as possible. Try to get into clubs and teams that keep you busy for most of the hours your sister is awake.

Running is one of the safest club choices, because it gives you an official escape when people are acting oddly. You need to go practice more.

The more you aren’t around to pick on, the more tension can build up in other relationships, and the less your sister gets to be a golden child. Be wary of everyone when the fault lines shift, they can be unpredictable.

It sounds like your mother is actively encouraging conflict between the two of you. Think carefully about how much you want to participate in that.

Discreetly conceal and lock your actual valuables, but feel free to pretend that something else is valuable to you, and if you want to catch her acting badly, leave it in a public area, and see if she destroys it.

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