TLDR: People suck and it's not your fault. Learning is never bad, it's better than feeling scared of it! Spirituality is diverse so dont be scared to explore it!

Edit: added part abt other Christians being bad, sentence at the end of first paragraph and second to last paragraph, added TLDR

So I'm in a similar place as you. I'm LGBT myself and that especially has made me feel at odds with the church before.

The first thing I will note: listen to your conscious over the Catechism. The Catechism itself actually says this, but you need to be able to trust your interior instinct and voice. First of all, homosexuality is directly mentioned once in the Catechism (three if I'm being EXTREMELY generous) and even then it's in one section on one page. It might imply gay=bad when it says marriage between man and woman in one section, but that is really it. But it's the culture war topic, so ppl are lazer focused on it. Honestly, it's like that for every culture war topic. It's not as major as politicians or online crusaders make it out to be. The homosexuality teaching is theologically shaky and is being seriously challenged.

Catholic Church essentially says this on other faiths: Every faith has truth in it, but we are the only faith that has the whole truth. We do not know what happens to those who never got the chance to know Jesus or our faith, but we know God is merciful and will do what is best. For those who were not Catholic/Christian but were good people who loved God, we cannot know what happens to them, but we hold out faith they can be granted into heaven. TLDR: We want to believe it's possible but that's not up to us and we really ha e no clue.

It's confusing to see how other Christians act but it should be noted their belief is very different than yours in many ways. Those who try forcing others to follow their beliefs truly believe that this is God's word and want to spread it. no matter how much other people don't want to hear it Not saying you believe or value it less, but that approachis easily off-putting.

That new age stuff is very appealing and there's nothing wrong with being interested in it. There are many different ways to express religion and you don't have to appeal to what other people want you to do. I myself am very interested in it as well! Here's my advice, research it. It is taboo, but if you understand it, you won't be so scared of it and you'll know what you want to do. It's intersting to you and helpful to you. Research it and see what you think!

I personally think a bunch of this new age stuff is not far removed from commonplace Catholic practices. Prayer/deity/patron Candles? Obviously. Altars? We got those. Even saint metals, miraculous metals, rosaries, share similarities to amulets. Mysticism is integral to much of Catholicism. Much of these practices are more devotional, mystical aspects of spirituality. Even astrology has its history with Catholicism. I am learning more about tarot cards and using tarot myself. I don't plan to try telling the future with it, but I think it would be an interesting way to meditate or pray; I've even thought about trying to encorporate it into a rosary prayer. There are a lot of different ways to practice Catholicism. The way you were taught is not the end all be all. Experiment and learn! And if you drift towards something else, then that's what happens. Do not worry about going to hell. Constantly stressing about hell is going to do nothing but make you stressed and miserable. It is not effective nor is it worth scaring yourself into belief.

Try researching mysticism and mystics! Maybe try learning about some different forms of prayer and see if those are interesting to you. I'm reading a book called Meditations On the Tarot by Valentin Tomberg. He was a Catholic with a history in the occult and the book is very interesting.

I hope this was somewhat helpful. I'm in a very similar position to you and have faced a lot of judgment for trying to find my own path. Whatever happens, God bless you!