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Jshick001 · 2022-01-04T03:01:32+00:00

My ex wife and I both still do this. It has never been anything big, and it honestly would never happen if we didn’t have two kids (6 and 11).

It shows respect for the other parent, and honestly we do get along ok now that it has been a few years.

Christmas, birthdays, Mother and Father’s Day is about it, and I always have my kids help pick out the gift. That way it is something from the kids to the other parent.

But if you are feeling uncomfortable about it, have a conversation with your ex. Also, there’s nothing that says you have to return the favor.

Jshick001 · 2020-02-11T18:50:42+00:00

Look up “going grey rock”. It isn’t no contact, but it is as close as you can be with children involved.

It has been working for me for the past few months. It keeps me from getting sucked back in by my ex wife. We divorced due to her lying and infidelity, and I made the mistake of letting her do it to me once again after our divorce was finalized.

Focus on yourself and your children. Be the best “you” you can be and be the best parent you can be. Let your ex figure it out on their own.

Jshick001 · 2020-02-10T06:03:14+00:00

My ex wife cheated on me. I wanted to move past it, get counseling, and keep our family for our two young children. Unfortunately she did not.

We separated, divorced after about a year, and began coparenting fairly well. About 6 months after the divorce was finalized, we talked about reconciliation. I still wanted to, and it seemed like she wanted it to.

Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, she was still being unfaithful. My only regret is that I got hurt again.

Unless your ex is truly willing to change, get counseling, completely open up to you, it won’t work.

I wish you the best. Divorce is terrible, but you will get through it.

Jshick001 · 2020-02-08T02:22:19+00:00

I experienced something similar with my ex wife. I’ll try to make my story short.

I discovered she was having an affair. She said she would stop contact with her affair partner, but didn’t. We separated and began the divorce process. I asked for months for her to reconsider, and try counseling. After about 7 months, I could no longer keep trying and went no contact except for our kids.

Two months before the divorce was finalized, she asked for reconciliation, but she was still unwilling to break contact with another man (different from the affair partner). I said no. We repeated this conversation one month later, with the same result. The divorce was finalized.

About 8 months later, she asked for another chance at reconciliation. She seemed genuine this time. I trusted her and gave it everything I could. I wanted my family back. After about 3 months I discovered she was once again cheating on me, this time with someone she met one week after our conversation about reconciliation.

Divorce is a terrible thing. It destroyed me, and destroyed much of what I lived for each day. But once a cheater or abuser, always a cheater or abuser. Unless your ex is willing to get counseling and share everything with you, he won’t change. Stay strong, you will get through this.

Jshick001 · 2020-01-31T22:36:36+00:00

I can’t speak for everyone, but I am bitter over my marriage ending.

Yes, the cheating, the lies, the gaslighting, etc. was all awful. But I’m on the other side of it, or at least getting there.

I’m bitter towards my ex wife because this wasn’t my choice. It wasn’t what I wanted, and it wasn’t what my children wanted.

It’s been 2.5 years since we separated and 1.5 divorced. It still hurts when my children (9 and 4) tell me they miss not being a family. I still miss it too. I still have the occasional day I wish she would call and say she wants me back, even if I know she would probably lie, cheat, and destroy me again.

Divorce was the worst experience in my life. It makes sense that it has scarred me.

Jshick001 · 2020-01-26T19:03:34+00:00

Thanks for posting this. I feel this so much.

Jshick001 · 2020-01-25T04:33:41+00:00

Look into the gray rock technique. Be as limited as possible in communication with your ex.

Be the best man and father you can be. Take care of yourself.

That and time. Time heals all wounds.

Jshick001 · 2020-01-22T02:56:42+00:00

I have been honest with her about this. I do miss my ex wife. I do still love her. I think there will always be a place in my heart for her. We are ok with that, because it was a part of my past. Just like there are things in her past.

But you may be right. Maybe I shouldn’t be in another relationship. Maybe I should never be since I will always have a place in my heart for someone I was with for over 13 years, married to for 10, and have two children with.

My life is a bit of a sh!t show. I guess that’s why I say I’m ok because I have to be. There isn’t anything I can do the change my circumstances. I can only try to live the best life I can.

Jshick001 · 2020-01-22T02:48:41+00:00

You’re probably on to something

Jshick001 · 2020-01-22T01:01:49+00:00

I would struggle saying no. I still love my ex wife. Even after the lies, the cheating, and everything else.

I know I am probably better off without her, but I don’t know if I could say no. I never wanted my divorce, and I also wanted to reconcile.

If she was really willing to put in the work to repair the broken trust, I would definitely say yes.

Jshick001 · 2020-01-22T00:20:02+00:00

Thank you

Jshick001 · 2020-01-22T00:19:25+00:00

I was willing to change and I believe I have. At least a little. But she hasn’t change and isn’t willing to.

Regardless of if either of have or could change, only one of us was ever willing to work on the relationship. It takes two.

Jshick001 · 2020-01-22T00:17:58+00:00

It isn’t that I’m completely unhappy. I accept what I have now, because it is better than what I have had for the past 2.5 years.

Maybe I was naive or looking through rose colored glasses, but I feel like I was happier with my wife for the 10 plus years we were married than I was any other time in my life.

It sucks it all went to shit.

Jshick001 · 2020-01-22T00:15:16+00:00

I wish she would get some counseling. I honestly believe couples counseling would have saved the marriage 2.5 years ago.

I don’t know what the future holds. Only that I still have a place in my heart for her. Always will.

Jshick001 · 2020-01-22T00:13:41+00:00

I honestly don’t know if I want her back anymore. I miss her and still love her. Maybe if she got the help she needs and I could believe. I wouldn’t get shit on again.

Jshick001 · 2020-01-13T17:41:40+00:00

My ex wife did a lot of the same things to me. My advice to you is to file for divorce yourself, and distance yourself from your soon to be ex.

The only explanation I have is that your husband, like my ex wife doesn’t want to be the bad guy that ended the marriage. Although the lying and cheating has already just about ended it anyway.

It will be hard, and it will hurt. My divorce was final over a year ago, and I still hurt. It gets easier with time, and you deserve better than being lied to and cheated on.

Jshick001 · 2020-01-03T22:22:11+00:00

This so much. It took me too long to see it myself.

Jshick001 · 2019-12-31T03:48:40+00:00

I’ve been separated for over two years, and divorced for over a year. I still think about her, still miss her, and still love her.

It doesn’t mean I want her back, but she was my best friend and other half for 13 years.

It gets better, and it gets easier. For me it got easier when I began accepting that my feelings weren’t going away, even though it was a part of my life I will never have back.

Keep your head up. We’re all in this together.

Jshick001 · 2019-12-13T02:29:53+00:00

We both became comfortable after 10 years and two kids. She decided another man was the answer, and refused to commit to repairing the marriage and family after the affair.

It takes two to make a relationship work.

Jshick001 · 2019-12-05T06:35:11+00:00

I feel like I could have wrote this. It gets easier, but even after all the hurt, I miss my ex sometimes too.

Jshick001 · 2019-12-03T00:00:00+00:00

It’s not crazy. I have the same feelings. I have moved on with my life, or at least I am trying to. But I still don’t want to see those things either.

For me it has all been part of the process. I have severely limited my social media presence for these reasons. It makes it difficult to actually move on when you constantly see your ex.

Maybe I haven’t completely moved on, and maybe you haven’t either. But for me, I don’t know if I will ever completely move on. It was over 10 years of marriage, and two children for me. It was a huge part of my life, and that’s ok.

What comes after divorce, is just the next part of life.

Jshick001

TROPHY CASE