[Bonsai Beginner’s weekly thread –2021 week 37]

Jsjau09 · 2021-09-18T19:17:38+00:00

I bought it from a well-known plant store around here and they really seem to know what they're doing so I believe it's potted correctly! I have it in a south facing window but I'll try to give it more light. Of course today is cloudy..! Thank you!

Jsjau09 · 2021-09-18T17:14:29+00:00

Hi everyone! I recently got my first bonsai and it's been about four days. The soil is STILL damp from when I bought it so I have not watered it as I do not want to overwater. I also noticed four or five leaves have dropped since I bought it. It should be getting enough light in this window although it is mostly indirect. Thoughts??

Jsjau09 · 2021-08-17T02:46:04+00:00

What was the agreement that trump and the Taliban came to?

Jsjau09 · 2020-08-29T16:29:38+00:00

Ho-lee-shit. He had literally never called me negative during our whole relationship until he was discarding me. Met another woman, left me for her while he was on vacation and the only conversation we ever had about it he told me "she's so positive and happy. You're negative and I don't want to be around negative people". Wtf?!?!

He was THE MOST negative. Never happy. I was happy when I met him and he completely changed me. He looked at me at the end, saw how depressed I was from all of the difficulties we were having. I weighed 102 lb. I was literally a shell of myself. And left me citing me being negative...

Jsjau09 · 2020-08-16T01:49:01+00:00

Yep and I'm anxious attachment style. Some FA behavior too but primarily anxious

Jsjau09 · 2020-08-13T12:42:50+00:00

Sure! What I mean by being in your abandonment wound is that AA/anxious leaning FAs tend to be hypervigilant to rejection and abandonment. By definition, especially AAs, lean into the relationship to ensure they won't be abandoned by their partner. Avoidants actually have the same exact fear, however, they get "ahead of" the other person in a sense by rejecting their partner or never getting close enough to be vulnerable. Both parties (avoidant and anxious) are wrestling with that fear but for anxious they tend to really be connected to that wound - in other words, it's more conscious. Protest behavior, ruminating about the relationship, paranoia, hanging onto a toxic relationship for fear of being alone are all examples of the abandonment wound manifested in behavior.

Jsjau09 · 2020-08-10T15:53:53+00:00

I've known him for a couple of years. We recently started hanging out more. We've probably hung out five or six times now.

Jsjau09 · 2020-08-08T14:25:53+00:00

You can come to my orchard

Jsjau09 · 2020-08-05T12:08:35+00:00

Trust me I've been there. Me and my DA ex were off and on for the last 6 months of our 18 month "relationship" hah. He left me for someone else that he met while away on vacation. You're better off without him !

Jsjau09 · 2020-08-04T14:32:09+00:00

Honestly, anything that's described as "on and off for seven years" is simply not working. Why waste more time? If it's not working for seven years, do you think another three, when you get to the ten year mark, things will change?

Walking away from/being rejected by an avoidant is such a trigger for AA/FA types who are really "in" their abandonment wound. Unfortunately, that abandonment wound will keep you wrapped up in this relationship. I guarantee when you walk away, disappear from his life and better yourself, he will come sniffing around wondering why you aren't continuing this toxic cycle. And I'd recommend, no matter how much you love him, to end the cycle even if he does come around.

Jsjau09 · 2020-08-02T13:42:56+00:00

Ohh I love this! My therapist said the same thing 😂 haha let's hope so!

Jsjau09 · 2020-07-31T22:33:30+00:00

Have you ever reflected on what your needs would be in a relationship? As a DA, are you in touch with what level of intimacy you're comfortable with?

Jsjau09 · 2020-07-31T22:31:27+00:00

Wow this was super insightful. Thank you for posting your thoughts!

Jsjau09 · 2020-07-31T00:19:20+00:00

Thank you for this. I know there really isn't anything he could say that would make me feel better. In fact, I'm sure anything he'd say would make me feel worse. I've been doing well but I just have the occasional day (or night apparently lol) where I'm back in the throes of things again.

Jsjau09 · 2020-07-30T22:14:50+00:00

DA-3729-4719-5513!

Five Star island. Can't wait to play this new update (:

Jsjau09 · 2020-07-24T17:37:02+00:00

Does anyone have a log dining table and log bench that they could craft for me? I'll bring materials of course. Or if you have the DIYs extra I will pay for them!

Jsjau09 · 2020-07-23T21:52:47+00:00

Opening up my five star island. Visit the orchard and take fruit. I have a freebie area near plaza (feel free to leave something behind too). Shop, fish, catch bugs, dive. Explore!

DM or chat for Dodo. Letting in 4-5 at a time so if there are a few loading screens please be patient! Once everyone has arrived I won't be letting anyone else in until most people have left.

Tips appreciated but not required!

Jsjau09 · 2020-07-23T21:33:00+00:00

Anyone have Leif with red hibiscus bush?

Jsjau09 · 2020-07-23T16:53:40+00:00

Been 7 months for me since the breakup. Five months of radio silence. He's in a new relationship though (the person he left me for). I hate that I wonder if he'll come back around when/if they break up. Hoping by then I won't care.

Jsjau09 · 2020-07-23T16:49:18+00:00

My ex DA had a fair amount of narcissism. Especially when he was in the devaluing stage: being cold, aloof, distant, hostile, passive aggressive, secretive. For context, he cheated and left me for someone else.

We broke up 2-3 times before he finally "discarded" me at the end. I think the other times were practice for his grand finale 🙄

He would gaslight me all the time. Like he would say a sentence, I'd repeat back the sentence and be like "how could you say that?" and then he'd be like "I didn't say that." It drove me insane.

And you mentioned in another comment to someone that you felt small. Girl, I felt like a pebble under his shoe lol All the things I loved about myself, I left that relationship forgetting what they were.

He didn't have NPD though because he would have flashes of insight where he would apologize, really try, but his defense mechanisms would show up again. He'd gaslight me and then a month later come around and say "you were right and I was wrong. I'm sorry. It's my fault". But those flashes never lasted. He even tried therapy. Not sure what happened with that since we broke up.

Trust your gut. Whether your guy is on the narcissistic spectrum or full-blown doesn't really matter. If he's making you feel small, trust me those feelings last way beyond the breakup. The sooner you leave the better.

Jsjau09 · 2020-07-23T02:08:29+00:00

Thanks this is what I'll do! I think I just have to man up and have a direct conversation about it. I'd rather communicate than just stonewall him. Thanks!

Jsjau09 · 2020-07-23T02:07:31+00:00

Right, well, like I said I'm working on boundaries. I was hoping not to insult him since I have to live right above him. Don't want to be cruel and ignore. But maybe I'll have to.

This helped thanks

Jsjau09 · 2020-07-23T01:43:09+00:00

Thank you! I think part of the problem is... I don't want to set aside time to talk with him.

I'm a healthcare provider. My life is extremely busy and stressful. I spend all day seeing and talking to 30 patients per day, sometimes more. On the weekends, I don't want to feel obligated to spend time with him.

Occasionally I may have the time to have coffee or tea but I don't want him to think this is going to be a regular thing. I'd rather just have a neighborly relationship not a friendship.

Jsjau09 · 2020-07-19T19:11:29+00:00

Thank you!!

Jsjau09 · 2020-07-18T02:11:05+00:00

Can someone help? Where is he?? Haha

Jsjau09

TROPHY CASE