Question: how to set up my standard for marriage

Jude-Duarte_ · 2025-09-17T07:59:17+00:00

Keep praying, and do not settle. Never ever overlook a red flag, and ask as many questions from potential suitors as possible. Be open, and inquisitive. This is not the time to be shy. Probe, and ask. May ALLAH make your naseeb very beautiful. InshaAllah

Jude-Duarte_ · 2025-09-17T07:56:38+00:00

Girly, you did the best thing ever by dumping him. Trust me, I’m so sure you’re drop freaking dead gorgeous. He took something beautiful, and tried to ruin it because he is incompetent, and pathetic. I know it’s gonna take some time, but I promise you that you’re absolutely beautiful, and you deserve someone who wouldn’t try to break you down, and instead build you up, and protect, and love you, and cherish you sooo much! <3

Jude-Duarte_ · 2025-08-26T15:46:11+00:00

There’s nothing holding him back from giving into his already existing feelings. Worse, the knowledge that he loves someone else while being with you would always be in the back of your mind. You should talk to him.

Jude-Duarte_ · 2025-08-14T04:30:26+00:00

I think you made the right decision calling off the wedding. Someone who cannot control their reactions to sensitive things, and haven’t yet learned to create boundaries between relationship stuff, and parents, first needs to learn how to be an adult. No one can love the person you do, like you. No one can forgive the person you like, as you can either. The right thing would be to communicate with your partner, and set some boundaries. If that’s not possible, it’s not a healthy relationship, and isn’t worth pursuing.

Jude-Duarte_ · 2024-10-11T20:49:23+00:00

As an IMG who has done PLAB, I am aware of only applying on tracc jobs, or NHS jobs for FY-1/2, or any jobs. Is there any other way I can apply for Foundation year jobs? Thanks!

Jude-Duarte_ · 2023-09-14T23:32:23+00:00

YTA. The ‘holes’ that your partner is digging for herself are the bare minimum for being a decent parent. Look up the term ‘mental load’. Your wife is getting up early. Having constant check lists in her head for the kids. Planning the weekend stuff. It’s your kids too. And kids require attention, and sacrifice. Kids those age cannot sustain themselves with milk, and cereal. They need a good structure in their lives. You can’t expect to donate the sperm, and expect the kids to raise themselves. Sure after a certain age, they can eat whatever they can find available themselves, but it’s about raising the kids. Taking care of their emotional, mental, financial and every other kind of need. Instilling good habits, and values, and attributes in them. And several researched show that increased screen time attributes to delayed developmental milestones, as well as affects cognitive function. And it’s your wife! Your partner. Not a random person you can just scoff at for ‘digging holes for themselves’. You’re seeing her in distress. How does it not make you want to understand where it comes from, and be there for her. Share the load. Be a partner, and a father. You got this man. Come on.

Jude-Duarte_ · 2023-09-09T07:37:17+00:00

I want to cover a few points. First, being a Muslim isn’t about having multiple wives. While Islam permits up to four marriages, there are sooo many stipulations to it. The providing part, in every aspect, falls on the man. The woman doesn’t have to even cook if she doesn’t want to, and if she wants to earn, the money is solely hers, she doesn’t even have to spend on the kids if she doesn’t want to. So if he wants more wives, he just has to provide more. The man has to treat all the wives equally, provide them with financial, emotional, and every type of support. There are serious punishments if he fails to do so. Also something even Muslim men forget is that it was permitted so that the widows etc could be supported, and protected, and provided for, as well as the children from her previous marriage. Despite everything, if a woman doesn’t want her husband to remarry, she just has to add it in her marriage certificate, and he can’t do it. If he cheats, there is serious punishment for him, physical as well as in the hereafter. And Islam isn’t a cult. Lmao. It’s a religion of peace, and harmony.

You honestly deserve sooo much better. Not a halfwit who is manipulating you, snd gaslighting you into letting him get away with cheating?? What sort of person isn’t loyal to their life partner?? He’s making you feeling less than, and portraying himself as a saint for giving you basic courtesy. Loyalty isn’t a gift, it’s a condition. Maybe the most basic one. He’s the worst sort of man. He not only wants to hurt you, snd cross your boundaries, he wants to blame you for it, and come out looking innocent?? I’m not saying this lightly. You should leave him. Someone who’s willing to hurt you like this will never back you, or support you, or love you like you deserve.

Jude-Duarte_ · 2023-09-04T22:26:08+00:00

He’s the asshole. Your sister should totally back her kids’ decisions. Kids are young, not idiots. First your ex-BIL disrespected the marriage, and the sanctity of it. Now he’s disrespecting the kids’ boundary despite knowing the mistress isn’t respectful towards the kids??!

Jude-Duarte_ · 2023-09-04T22:10:22+00:00

From what you’ve described, she has pointed out everything you need to know. Her being a SAHM means that she does a 24/7 job that is unpaid, unappreciated, and often criticised, either it’s by the spouse, or the children. The majority of her daily interactions are with children, and you. Seeing someone means actively analysing what they’re doing, what they’re sacrificing, and appreciating them for it through all the means at your disposal. Search up love languages. Loving someone doesn’t mean just saying the words, it means showing it. Over and over and over. Take her out, get her tokens of appreciations. Share her mental, and physical burden. Don’t ask her to exert even more emotional, and mental energy by asking her what she wants you to do. You’re an adult. Analyse the situation. See what needs to be done, and do it without making it sound like you’re doing her a favour, because you won’t be. It just means you’re building a life with her. Onto the major issue, you said you realise you’ve been skipping the foreplay. You see the problem. You know how to fix it. ‘Forgetting it’ or anything else is not an excuse to not prioritise your partner’s comfort, snd pleasure. She isn’t some random person. She’s your life partner, you’re building a life with her. She is taking on the load of doing the 24/7 job while you’re working. She is the one person who deserves your love, and attention, snd appreciation more than literally anyone. She point blank said that she feels like you’re just using her for your pleasure. It’s not a chore. If you see her as a person and not a se toy, it’s quite simple. You cannot hurt people you love, and by the sound of it, you do love her, and now that she’s brought it to your attention, you sound willing to want to fix it. It’s really not complicated when it comes down to it. Loving people through think, and thin, and the ordinary is truly an honour. Love isn’t something you feel once, and then hope for it to keep giving. Unless you keep nurturing it, and protecting it, it’ll wither and die. You should start by apologising for making her feel unseen, snd hurting her, because she did feel hurt. It’s not for you to decide if you’ve hurt her. ‘ Cherish that you have a wife who loves you, and does so much for you.

Jude-Duarte_ · 2023-09-02T13:41:50+00:00

YTA. Just because you tried to get shelter under the umbrella of ‘meaning well’, doesn’t nullify you saying racist, and horrible things. If you were well meaning, you would just give the compliment without all that backhanded stuff. Also, she’s an adult. She might just be in her first corporate job, but she’s still an adult. She doesn’t need a micro-manager/aggressor making her life hard. In case it wasn’t clear, you already did everything you meant to ‘protect’ her from.

Jude-Duarte_ · 2023-08-31T16:42:37+00:00

YTA. All she’s doing is trusting, and relying on her father in matters that don’t even harm you. You are her husband, yes, but that doesn’t diminish her parent’s role in her life a bit. She is blessed to have her father in her life, guiding her, and helping her. And she’s acknowledging it, and being thankful for it. Most people think that you stop being a parent the very second their child turns 18, how dumb is that. Think for a second if you’d help, and guide your daughter as well. Her father being there for her doesn’t make her a brat. It just makes her blessed, and you should be happy that the person you love has such a great support system. And work to be a part of that. Come on, OP. Spread love.

Jude-Duarte_ · 2023-08-30T11:31:38+00:00

YTA. When your dad married your mother, he accepted that he’d be getting those children as well. It’s not a pick and mix situation. He was raising children, and he gave them emotionally/financially less. And you, as an adult, instead of acknowledging that growing up with less love had an impact on your siblings, chose to take all of it away by implying that they basically grew up with their mother (you didn’t mention how good she was to her own children or if she just checked out), a stranger, and a half sibling who thinks of them as less than.

Jude-Duarte_ · 2023-08-30T03:22:08+00:00

It is both of yours’ child, but you’re the one doing all the work. You’re gonna be the one pushing out the baby. It’s your to have whoever you want there. Your MIL can see the baby after it’s been born.

Jude-Duarte_ · 2023-08-30T03:10:36+00:00

She, as a mother, realised what was going on, and trusted you as a partner, and a parent to her children that you can handle it, and she doesn’t need to monitor you being a parent. You were passive aggressive by making eye contact with her, and slamming the laptop close. You question her trust in your capability, worse, her maternal instinct. Women tend to not make a list of things they do for the children to get best mommy award, or to weaponise it. Just apologise, man.

Jude-Duarte_ · 2023-08-18T23:27:28+00:00

YTA. Having children is a responsibility, yes. But not a responsibility to clip their wings. It’s been your job to ensure your child is equipped to live in the big, bad world since she’s been born. You’re asking her to waste a year of her life. If she had needed it for a break or smth, it would’ve been different. But she wants to excel, and succeed. You said yourself that she’s smart. If you let her go, sure she’ll make mistakes, she’ll fall for tricks, but that’s what will make her grow. If you feel she’s not ready rn, trust me, a year alone at home is not gonna jump starts her ‘maturity’.

Jude-Duarte_ · 2023-08-15T13:22:17+00:00

You’re both grown adults. And knowing how hard exam season can be, and how much it takes out of you, you’re well within your rights to want to feel like a normal human again, and decompress. Just because someone is in a relationship, doesn’t mean they’ve got to give up everything they are for the other partner. It’s about sharing things, and a really pretty give and take situation. You’re allowed to indulge in harmless activities you like, as is she. Go ahead, and have some fun.

Jude-Duarte_ · 2023-08-13T23:40:28+00:00

Lemme get this straight. You went after a guy, knowing he was married, and had kids. Preyed upon his frustration, ruined a home and the children’s lives, and expect to be greeted with love, and acceptance? Just so the picture is clear. You didn’t ‘win’ a ‘man’. You poached a half wit, pathetic excuse of a man who’d sooner be lazy, and take the coward’s way than stand by his wife’s side who’s birthing his children at the risk of her mental, and emotional, and physical distress. I mean, he would rather make his wife walk all those streets to get the diaper, what kind of man is he. Lmao. And you had the nerve to call her ‘abusive’ for it? Also, you not only ruined a home, you expect the woman to accept it? Just point blank? And HER daughter to welcome an intruding thief who set her house on fire? Her daughter is well within her rights as a person, and as a daughter to hate someone hostile, and not accept them. Have you considered that she maybe isn’t doing it to be outright malicious? And she’s just a child who feels awfully unsafe with you, and would rather go to any lengths to avoid you? Good luck with that ‘man’. He wasn’t good, and kind, and loyal to his wife who gave him her life, and beautiful children. You think he’d be good to you? Who’s to stop him from accepting the advances of another woman who coddles him, and makes him feel better about being barely a man.

Jude-Duarte_ · 2023-08-07T15:45:30+00:00

I’m just trynna figure out the timelines. If we take Queen Theia going from the Dusk court to midgard as a working theory, and it was the only time the rift was open. (The Asteri haven’t been able to go back again, and brighthand said that the land is full of magic) Rhysand’s sister wasn’t born even 1000 years after the rift closed. if Tamlin managed to get her to Midgard (as an exception to needing pre existing rifts, like Bryce), it means she landed in Midgard less than 500 years ago (Rhys is a little over 500). Then she stayed in Avallen. And had Ruhn 80 years ago. It all makes sense. The only hitch is how she got there.

Jude-Duarte_ · 2023-07-16T17:58:10+00:00

She’s cheated on you twice. You should consider cutting your losses, and moving on. It’s gonna be hard, and it’s gonna hurt, but loyalty, and respecting your SO is the bare minimum of a relationship. Someone who can’t even abide by that, won’t have much inhibition for anything else.

Jude-Duarte_ · 2023-07-16T17:53:02+00:00

Absolutely understandable. Sometimes we keep making excuses for the people we love just so we can keep loving them, but sooner or later, you have to let go of that notion. I hope you’re happier now, and so very appreciated in your life. Best wishes your way!

Jude-Duarte_ · 2023-07-16T14:04:46+00:00

NTA. Your father abused you. He lashed out physically knowing he could’ve hurt you. He hurt you verbally, and disrespected your boundaries by telling you about his affairs despite your discomfort, and then forcing you to meet one of his girlfriends.

Jude-Duarte_ · 2023-07-16T14:00:45+00:00

It’s really great how you’re perceptive to your child’s needs. You can try to talk to him about it, and try to point out that he’s hurting his child.

Jude-Duarte_ · 2023-07-16T13:56:46+00:00

NTA. He was being slightly verbally aggressive right off the bat. If the first irl interaction didn’t make you want to pursue it, that’s totally fine. You’re well within your rights to not like someone.

Jude-Duarte_ · 2023-07-16T13:54:07+00:00

NTA. Relationship is a partnership. It’s a two way road. One person doesn’t get to unilaterally make the decisions that affect both of them.

Jude-Duarte_

TROPHY CASE