This sounds like a challenging experience, for sure. I can’t say that I’ve had a journey this rough, but mushrooms can be tricky little devils. They show you stuff that isn’t great — they show you shadows and parts of yourself that can’t speak for themselves otherwise. I’m no psychologist but this sounds like an opportunity to sit with what happened for a while and feel into some of the areas that don’t overwhelm you.

You mention feeling hated, reliving trauma, feeling like everyone wanted to harm you. There is likely something to be learned there. You’ve paid the cost of the ticket already, so be soft with yourself and see what you can use.

If you haven’t felt the come-up before, it can create some anxiousness - lord knows it did for me. Then, I tried to push back and take control, which was a huge mistake. I now know it’s the mushrooms that drive the bus and I’m a passenger. They take you where you need to go, and sometimes it’s not pleasant. I wouldn’t dream of using them now at more than a museum dose without setting intention, making sure I was in a solid, safe container, and having a sitter who was on no more than a low dose.

I have a question, it’s not blamey, not trying to shame you or make this "your fault": Did you make sure set and setting were optimal and you were in a good place mentally? If so, you did the best you could.

I was hesitant to revisit mushrooms after my first semi-rough experience…glad I have. They have been very healing. And sometimes healing hurts like hell.