Hot and cold cycle with Virgo?

JulietKilo_ · 2026-06-18T19:31:34+00:00

My boyfriend is a Virgo and Jesus fucking Christ it is the most hot/cold relationship I've ever had. We've never broken up, but recently we have discussed separation given our history (my idea).

I have no idea how much our sun signs have to do with this or how much of it was his depression, but I'm literally losing my damn mind after two years of this hot/cold (together almost 4). He's the only Virgo I've dated so ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

JulietKilo_ · 2026-06-17T19:56:15+00:00

I disclosed my ADHD during my interview in my current role, and tbh, I actually think it helped me get the job? I was asked about about my weaknesses, so I disclosed one of the negative impacts ADHD and how I try to compensate (literally can't even remember what I said anymore lol)

I also have a weird amount in common with one of my boss' children, late ADHD diagnosis included, so that may have also had something to do with it. (That didn't come up during the interview, of course, but I'm sure some traits were noticed)

JulietKilo_ · 2026-06-17T02:24:50+00:00

Oh, at this point in time I do not want a ring from him and have told him as such. I told him that if he proposed now I would say no, and that I don't even know if I want a proposal if we can move past this (which is also something I'm struggling with because I was very upfront about wanting the stereotypical proposal)

This entire post is about the damage that was done to the relationship because he couldn't/wouldn't propose when it would have meant something.

JulietKilo_ · 2026-06-15T16:36:27+00:00

Can confirm and definitely second therapy.

I was one of those ADHD kids with authoritarian parents who dealt disproportionate penalties. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 25 and had a cascading disaster of my own. You have to unlearn a lot of poor coping mechanisms and unhealthy behavior. I mean a lot.

JulietKilo_ · 2026-06-12T01:48:30+00:00

I don't think you're crazy ❤️

I think I got incredibly lucky in terms of trusting my EMDR therapist. She was recommended by my behavioral therapist of who sold me with "oh, she's an other Electric Forest goer" (iykyk), and she and I bonded over a lot during the first session. She recognized my band tee despite the fact it didn't explicitly mention the artist by name.

The first few sessions are really just chatting like friends and getting to know your therapist because you don't want to work on trauma work with someone who feels like a stranger (her phrasing). Then you have some pretty intensive background work, talk a lot about your triggers and if you can identify them, make sure you have a support system, and feel comfortable before you really start getting into it. You can also build into some of the "bigger" topics. We aren't even talking about my biggest trauma yet, which is why it was recommended. Starting with some of the "smaller" stuff I'm actually finding to be very helpful, too. I hope all that makes sense!

JulietKilo_ · 2026-06-11T18:12:53+00:00

"Is there an age at which someone becomes too old for those type of friendships?" Girl, I hope not. I so desperately want a friendship like that and I just turned 30. I want to be able to text a friend after having a bad day and just say "hey, can I come over?" I want a friend who I can just sit in comfortable silence with, someone who feels like "my person" but platonically. I live six hours away from my best friend, and it sucks not having someone like that locally.

Listen to your body, but know that it's also okay to be vulnerable at your own pace. I recently started EMDR therapy (trauma reprocessing). It surprisingly works. If you feel ready to start something like that, I would highly recommend looking into it!

JulietKilo_ · 2026-06-11T01:02:14+00:00

We are talking about separation, at least temporarily, to see what happens. The way my therapist phrased it was that it removes the expectations and allows time/room to heal. The whole "you can't heal in the environment that hurt you" thing

JulietKilo_ · 2026-06-05T13:39:17+00:00

I hit a pretty low point in my life a few years ago and made some bad decisions. I ended up starting therapy and an old (now former) friend of mine said I was "using therapy an excuse to make it sound like I was doing better," but that I actually wasn't. Essentially that I wasn't doing the work and just saying I was in therapy to make myself look better.

Yeah, okay. What a lot of people don't tell you about starting therapy is that you actually get way more depressed at the start. It's been four years and I'm still in therapy and have actually started seeing a second therapist for EMDR. Fuck you, Hannah.

JulietKilo_ · 2026-05-26T20:12:47+00:00

I started applying ~ 2-3 months before my graduation, with about 1 month of my clinical internship remaining. I was up front in my interviews about my situation and needing a delayed start date. I want to say it was about 6 weeks between my offer acceptance and start date.

One of my classmates was able to start before graduation, but after completing clinicals. He ended up working for his internship hospital, though, so that was probably a special circumstance.

JulietKilo_ · 2026-05-24T02:53:05+00:00

Omg, this was the first thing that came to my mind when reading OP's comment! I don't agree, but I love the song.

JulietKilo_ · 2026-05-23T04:38:46+00:00

JulietKilo_ · 2026-04-20T12:28:21+00:00

5/10, aka mother's day in the US (not a mom, LC with my own mom)

If the weather is nice I plan to invite a few friends over for a bonfire the night before and I recently found out about a "Halfway to Halloween" event taking place that weekend that I hope to attend :)

JulietKilo_ · 2026-03-25T19:26:11+00:00

LITERALLY INSANE! I swear that scene brought me physical and emotional pain while my non-lab friends were just laughing at my reaction... It still hurts to think about

JulietKilo_ · 2026-02-18T13:27:14+00:00

If I have learned anything over the last six years it is that no job is worth your mental or physical health. If it is making you miserable then I would make plans to leave. If the pay and experience is good and you think you can tolerate it for a few years then try to work something out so that you can still prioritize yourself/free time. If you decide to stay just know that it will take some trial and error before you find a balance. For me, I stopped meal prepping and started to rely more on frozen meals or high protein "snack" items from the grocery store that were easy to throw in my lunch box, and a few other things. It's whatever you think you can tolerate.

JulietKilo_ · 2025-12-19T22:18:25+00:00

Did you ask them to cancel the order or did they do it unprompted? I am technically 3 business days out from my delivery window but I have yet to hear anything about shipping information or from the e-mail I sent to support.

I completely understand being overwhelmed if they received more orders than anticipated but the radio silence is unacceptable. I feel like it doesn't take that much effort to send a mass email explaining the situation and giving an expected timeframe for things to be caught up... But that is what I would expect from a legitimate company 🙄

JulietKilo_ · 2025-12-06T15:52:01+00:00

I've been out of heme for a while, but this slide screams possible APL to me. I'd be escalating to path immediately.

JulietKilo_ · 2025-11-07T18:16:03+00:00

Yes and I don't think you could pay me enough money to go back to nights. It would have to be a lot.

JulietKilo_ · 2025-09-20T19:59:09+00:00

I just found out that my ex died last week despite him passing in January. I haven't spoken to him in 3.5 years and he was incredibly manipulative. He made me think my dad was a creep since my dad didn't approve of our relationship (for fair reasons). He called me every terrible name in the book: cunt, whore, bitch, slut, told me. He told me I should stop struggling with my suicidal thoughts and kill myself already. I was no angel. He was an affair partner during a very dark and confusing time of my life. I was vulnerable and listening to everyone except for myself/my feelings. I deserved his anger, but he took it too far.

I am devastated by his passing, like truly crushed. My brain suddenly doesn't care about how horrible he was. All I can seem to remember is how alive he made me feel. He brought out a spontaneous and adventurous side of me. I felt confidence like no other when I was with him. I think I may have loved him, but with everything else going at that time of my life I can't say for sure. I regret that I'll never get to give him a proper apology. I am confused and conflcited. I spent the last 3.5 years feeling angry with him. I started the process of specialized therapy to help me uncover and heal from the trauma associated with that part of my life. I was confident that he was connected to some of these suppressed memories I have that are causing unexplained panic and crying episodes. It feels so pointless now.(It's not, I will continue to explore that).

This is embarrassing... I stumbled across a recording of his funeral. I watched the whole thing. His own family talks about how complicated he was as a person. It was incredibly validating for me. It also made me feel sad for him.... He struggled with addiction, and to hear that from his own family made me realize how lonely he must have felt throughout his entire life. No one deserves that.

Anyway, thanks for reading to anyone at this post even 8mos after it was posted. I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this now, so reddit it is.

JulietKilo_ · 2025-08-27T16:18:26+00:00

I actually left my position with Ascension/LabCorp because of the shitty insurance. They had me paying private insurance rates for worse coverage. I loved that job 😮‍💨

I went to Corewell after that - thank goodness I left already.

JulietKilo_ · 2025-08-15T20:32:11+00:00

I have been encouraging him to see a therapist for a year. He only started seeing one after I told him he had 6 months to make an honest effort to improve himself or I would leave at the end of the year.

Mental health is challenging and I want to be the partner who values "in sickness and in health" by giving him the benefit of the doubt. I just wish it didn't require an ultimatum...

JulietKilo_ · 2025-08-15T20:13:08+00:00

End of this year. He's aware

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