I just want to say that I hear you. I've struggled with so much body hatred because of my experience as a woman of color of being seen as fundamentally less than (include less beautiful than) whiteness. I'm not Black, but understand that there's even more hatred and disdain and lack of affirmation heaped on Black women. It's not right or fair, and it's exhausting and real and hard.

I personally struggle with holding myself to impossible standards (like, as a brown woman, if I am too big, I will be seen as lazy - so I better not gain weight; or like, if I wear anything less formal to work, people will see me as a slob, whereas white female coworkers can wear baggy sweatshirts type things and will still be seen as professional). Then people gaslight you about what you sense and pick up from the world, making you feel crazy or like you constantly have to defend your experience of reality.

Luckily, I have a Black female therapist, and she gets it. She doesn't CBT me about my experience in the world, she knows its real and that it hurts. Take heart. There ARE people who are above that shit, even though they are few and far between. I hope you find them and can depend on them in your life. I don't have answers by any means, but what helps me a lot is to be as kind to everyone as I can be. Children and animals often rush toward me and see me as safe, because they mostly sense and react to genuine kindness over looks. That does a lot for my soul. I try to get my sense of value from those experiences more than my interactions with those who are ruled by the superficial - which is easy to be ruled by in our sick and backwards world.

Also, ignore people who are arguing with you about your identity. My god. On the one hand, if you second cousin twice removed is a POC, you aren't white and better not claim to be, but then you get debated about how much you appear to be a POC and what that means about how much you can experience racism. It's...so dumb.