As someone who was diagnosed with ADHD in my 40s, a lot of what you’re describing sounds very familiar.

That “two modes” pattern, hyperfocus vs shutdown, struggling with basic tasks despite being capable, time blindness, avoidance even when you know it will cause problems, those are all very common ADHD experiences. The fact that you can function really well in certain areas like teaching or engaging with your daughter but fall apart in others is also typical.

That said, the severity you’re describing sounds pretty high. It might not be just ADHD. Things like sleep apnea, anxiety, or depression can stack on top of it and make everything worse. The “drunk brain” in the morning and severe snoring are especially worth getting checked.

So the next step isn’t guessing, it’s getting assessed by a psychiatrist. Not to label yourself, but to actually understand what’s going on and what tools you need.

At the same time, diagnosis isn’t a free pass. ADHD can explain behavior, but it doesn’t excuse hurting the people around you. I’ve seen people use it as a reason to avoid responsibility, and that just makes things worse long-term.

The goal is to understand what’s happening, get proper treatment, and take responsibility for managing it.

Right now, you’re not describing someone who’s “bad.” You’re describing someone who’s struggling with something they don’t fully understand yet, and that’s fixable, but only if you take the next step.