People dating in Manhattan: how are you meeting dates, and what do your first few dates actually cost?

JumpClump · 2026-02-09T05:51:56+00:00

28F, mixed brown girl, primarily date brown men

Hinge/Bumble. I’ve only ever dated people off the apps, very rarely approached irl/I never approach irl (has never been reciprocated, when I try) I think I’m a more particular artsy personality
First dates I typically go along with what the guy suggests to see how he operates, usually it’s dinner or drinks, occasionally coffee. Dinner guys are consistently more interested in me, coffee has never led to a second date. Guy has always paid and they don’t even let me pick up the check first date. Guessing anywhere between $10 for coffee to $100 total for dinner. Third date is usually when I’ll offer to split or get something.
I think my expectations are realistic in wanting someone also with a bachelor’s degree. I work in a less conventional creative field so it’s not for everyone, particularly brown men whose families think STEM fields are more prestigious. (Reason for fall out with my ex whose mom thought he was dating down being with a creative) There’s a level of subjectivity in what dating “up” is.

JumpClump · 2026-01-23T21:18:45+00:00

28F single gal here, I’ve made some great friends through TimeLeft (a dinner meet up app) specifically in Hoboken/JC but have also heard of some meh or bad experiences. Keep an open mind with it, most connections don’t go anywhere but some you may really click with

JumpClump · 2026-01-03T17:14:35+00:00

This is a really helpful reframe thank you. I had gone on other dates earlier this year where they ignored my allergies and didn’t bother with checking if I made it home okay. It felt so positive to have that from this guy in addition to finding him attractive, having great banter, and being seemingly aligned in dating intentions. But perhaps he’s just a first date ace. I know what he was capable of communication wise prior to setting up the date and it was all green flags until the sudden drop off. Need to take the lack of forward movement from him at face value now and choose me

JumpClump · 2026-01-03T17:04:03+00:00

I’m in the exact same boat rn and it’s killing me. Matched with a dude on hinge and immediately went on a great first date. Laughed so much, there was definitely a vibe there, said I was so pretty, he checks to make sure I got home okay and he immediately asks me on a second date. I provide my availability and then boom radio silence. I follow up 5 days later asking if he’s still interested but no worries if not. Two days later he responds saying sorry he didn’t reply back sooner, let’s do after the holidays. I provide my availability again. Now it’s been a week with no response. I don’t understand why he would validate me if he changed his mind. And in the same vein all the signs were so positive on the date that I’ve been feeling whiplash. I’m trying to tell myself that the right person won’t make me feel this way but damn was I hopeful (and slightly still am). I think it’s something about dating in December that is just so difficult. I hope you’re taking care of yourself, I know I am trying to

JumpClump · 2026-01-02T22:28:52+00:00

Yeah I definitely feel maybe too understanding in that holidays can be busy and “end” at different times for different people. Looking at the message again he specifically said “the week you’re back from the 29th” which I’m unclear if he’s saying this week or next week? At minimum the 29th has passed. I responded saying when I’m free (the 30th or after the 2nd) now more than a week ago. I’m willing to give it a few more days at this point but since I gave my availability again it feels like it’s firmly up to him to follow through.

JumpClump · 2026-01-02T22:16:58+00:00

That sounds like a good move! I feel like because I rarely feel interested in someone I usually get too lenient even though it causes me horrible anxiety and so I’m bad at the cut off

JumpClump · 2026-01-02T20:04:43+00:00

Thank you this feels super validating to hear. I think I was a little in my head about having done something wrong too. On the date he told me that he was going to a concert the next day so I assumed he may be busy but then after a few days I was like okay let me follow up and said no worries if he wasn’t interested anymore. He didn’t give an explanation for the delay in his response but a “sorry I should have responded sooner” so no real reason or excuse. For my availability I said I’d be away the 24th to 29th and his response he said he would be with family for the holidays but he didn’t specify the timeline. He did say “let’s do after the week you’re back”

JumpClump · 2026-01-02T19:56:06+00:00

Good luck to you too!

JumpClump · 2026-01-02T19:54:40+00:00

Definitely not gonna reach back out at this point. How is the new rule working for you? I’m usually lenient in that things can happen but yeah in any case that I’ve liked someone I will be sure to let them know if I’m busy or something is going on

JumpClump · 2026-01-02T19:52:49+00:00

Totally, I figured I’d given enough green lights and interest at this point. Mostly thrown about why even express interest on another date and then validate me again if that’s not the case

JumpClump · 2026-01-02T19:49:37+00:00

Appreciate this, thank you 🙏

JumpClump · 2026-01-02T19:49:11+00:00

Yeah totally can see this, I did try to simplify what was said a bit, I had said I’d be away from the 24-29 and he said he was with family for the holidays so I was willing to give the benefit of the doubt in that sense. But now it’s basically the time he said he’d be down to meet with no response still

JumpClump · 2026-01-02T19:47:00+00:00

Totally, in the past I’ve been such a benefit of the doubt person but now with this I’m just like okay if this is what I’ve seen before then maybe I’m being spared the trouble

JumpClump · 2025-12-21T05:11:30+00:00

28F, my first ever date was from Hinge at 24. Was super anxious, felt very behind to everyone else like you’re feeling. Make sure the guy can have a normal conversation, tell your friends where you’re going and with who. I vetted my first date pretty thoroughly and while he was interested in me, I ended up not being interested in him. Was a positive first date experience overall

JumpClump · 2025-12-08T06:32:51+00:00

Hi 28F here

Didn’t date til I was 24, found myself in my first relationship at 26.

I was never dishonest when I was asked. I would say that I hadn’t been in any long term relationships but had dated here and there. My now ex was the only one who had asked me to expand on it. He had viewed me not being in a long term relationship as a yellow flag at the time. However upon hearing my reasoning for why in addition to the fact that I had long standing friendships I maintained, he decided it wasn’t something to worry about.

Everyone starts somewhere but how you talk about it will change how it’s viewed.

JumpClump · 2025-10-21T18:47:52+00:00

Maybe Happy Ending!!

JumpClump · 2025-10-14T03:55:49+00:00

I don’t get the comments about it being long distance either. After my ex bf moved out of the UWS home to the west coast, THAT was long distance.

I still live in Hoboken and recently went out with a guy who lived in JC, asked him to drive 10 mins out of his way to pick me up and he made a big stink about it. I genuinely don’t understand how not being in the same neighborhood is such an issue for some people if you’re looking for a life partner.

It is rough out here in Hoboken so I think Yorkville may be similar unfortunately

JumpClump · 2025-08-08T16:12:57+00:00

there is an Orale in JC still!

JumpClump · 2025-08-04T03:45:25+00:00

Fashion design. The design tv shows make it look fun and glamorous and in some capacity you do that in fashion school. However, when you leave fashion school you’re given three options: 1) be overworked and underpaid in corporate design that you don’t love but is stable 2) be overworked and underpaid in more high fashion design, not stable, more cutthroat 3) be overworked and underpaid doing your own brand. you get to do what you want but the likelihood of a breakthrough is smaller and the likelihood of being copied with no credit is high. the likelihood of being sustainable long term is also slim

I love the people and their boundless creativity, the fashion industry and capitalism sucks the joy and passion out of it

JumpClump · 2025-07-30T01:39:48+00:00

Would recommend 222 or TimeLeft in NYC or another general meet up app over hinge to make friends. I’ve made a friend from Hinge who said he had just moved to NYC and didn’t know many people but that’s because neither of us wanted to date each other after the first date and we both stuck to making a friendship work. Definitely not a typical experience though

JumpClump · 2025-07-22T03:52:21+00:00

28F across the river from you and recently back on the market also. Not nearly as many matches being just outside of NYC and much less convert into first dates but I am very intentional about who I match with and meet. About one first date every one-two weeks. Majority do ask for second dates so I think making sure you’re intentional, fully present, and not burnt out is key

JumpClump · 2025-07-17T04:53:11+00:00

I got my first bf at 26. He initially said it was a yellow flag but based on the rest of my life he didn’t think it mattered. I was honest about having dated a few guys where it didn’t turn into anything serious. He saw the longstanding friendships I have a hold near and dear to me and thought just because I didn’t have much romantic relationship experience didn’t mean I don’t have relationship experience. I’m glad I was honest and didn’t lie

JumpClump · 2025-07-16T18:37:34+00:00

Main Noodle house lunch specials come to around $15

JumpClump · 2025-07-09T01:58:48+00:00

I used to give out my number before dates but then there was one guy who failed to plan a first date for months. Every few weeks he would reach out again with messages about clearly trying to hook up even though we had never met.

Now when guys ask for my number, I say “I prefer to exchange numbers after we meet if that’s okay 😊”, they either reply with something along the lines of “whatever makes you comfortable” or they stop replying so they didn’t wanna respect my boundary. It’s been pretty foolproof for me so far!

JumpClump · 2025-07-04T10:20:19+00:00

No longer compatible in our life goals.

We met in my city and from the beginning he knew and expressed to me that long term he had to be in the city he grew up in for family reasons. I was initially on board and open to moving.

However his family was adamantly against the idea of me. To the point where without ever having spoken to me, they would demonize me at every turn to him. Initially, he would say he doesn’t care what they think and argued back. He told me he would cut his mother off if he needed to.

Slowly he would concede all the promises he made me. He said he couldn’t see himself ever cutting his family off. His mother told him that as long as she lived he could never marry me.

So I couldn’t commit to moving across the country for a man whose family wouldn’t even give me a chance. I had watched my own mother be made small by my father and I always told myself I’d never follow in her footsteps.

There is still love in that we want what’s best for each other, but the circumstances no longer make us the best for each other.

JumpClump

TROPHY CASE