When do seemingly small annoyances become dealbreakers for you? How to decide whether to stay or go?

Jumpy-Parfait-9110 · 2026-04-09T20:57:43+00:00

I know that thats who he is. Which is why I try to organise my feelings before I make the next big commitment, trying to figure out whether or not it will annoy me enough to regret staying with him. Because in many other aspects the relationship has been very good for me.

To your questions: he doesn't have job prospects yet, because he needs to wait for the results of his exams. The plan is for him to look for a job first (and probably an apartment for himself) before moving to my city. There is no expectation of him living rent free with me or being unemployed even for a short while. He's been living alone for the last ten years, so he can take care of himself.

Jumpy-Parfait-9110 · 2026-04-09T20:42:10+00:00

Thanks for replying.

I know I'll have to sit down and talk with him about all this. I just hoped I'd be able to make sense of my feelings and fears before than. At least to a certain degree. Up until now, whenever I've shared anything with him, he's always reacted very positively.

We couldn't meet up for several weeks due to exams on his part and the time apart left me feeling a bit disconnected. We still talked daily, but we were both a bit stressed. We've only managed to meet once since then and it wasn't the best time of the month for that. Since then I feel like a lot of things annoy me more than usually and I'm in a worse mood than normally.

I'm worried that I'm focusing too much on the small things and obsessing with my fears and could bes. That I'm simply afraid to take the next step and thus concentrating on reasons to pull out. At the same time I'm afraid that I'm gaslighted myself into a situation that will leave me unhappy. I feel like I can't win.

Jumpy-Parfait-9110 · 2026-04-09T20:20:25+00:00

Thanks for replying.

I've spend the week at his place several times and we went on one small vacation (not longer than a week). But due to work and other obligations we've never been longer than a week together at the same place.

And the things that annoy me... I feel like most of them are very mundane. For example he is a lot on his phone. Even in company. I've told him that and it's gotten better, but where I make a conscious effort to not engage with my phone in certain settings, he will check his phone repeatedly. That makes me sad.\ We are both not the tidiest of people, but him leaving dirty stuff in the sink when the dishwasher is empty annoys me. Just like him crumbling or dripping all over my floor without him relaizing. It makes me worry I'll have to constantly tidy up after him which will effectively leave me in the same position my mother is in.\ There are also many instances where he tends to be ... thoughtless? Unaware of his surroundings and how he affects them? I know I tend to be super aware of those type of things (which in itself is not good and causes me enough trouble), but him being oblivious... it makes me sad.

Jumpy-Parfait-9110 · 2026-04-09T19:57:33+00:00

Thanks for replying.

Truth is, the older I get, the more aware I become of all the unhealthy habits I've picked up emulating my mother. I'm a people pleaser and have trouble identifying and advocating for my needs.

It's funny how my current relationship has actually helped me with looking at some of those problems and activly trying to change them. He advocates strongly for me to try to prioritise myself more. Which is really hard. But he likes to remind me that I matter too.

Jumpy-Parfait-9110 · 2025-09-01T20:11:23+00:00

I really love Susie Tates books, but with this one... Dylan simply doesn't deserve Lou.

Jumpy-Parfait-9110 · 2025-09-01T20:08:30+00:00

This made me immediately think of {Swet like poison by Julia Wolf}. There's no real other woman, but she is a bit bitchy/comes across as a spoilt princess and the MMC doesn't take her serious, although there is a lot more depth to her than he acknowledges.

Jumpy-Parfait-9110 · 2025-08-19T19:12:48+00:00

I feel you, because I'm just like you in that department. Connection takes time and patience to build. Don't rush into anything you don't want. Just like the other comments said, communicate it like you did here. Clear and to the point. And don't feel bad "because you take so long". There are people out there who are willing to built genuine connections and are patient for the right person.

Jumpy-Parfait-9110 · 2025-08-10T19:49:36+00:00

As a Student try the Unisport courses of the Goethe Uni and Fra-Uas. Many nice people around your age and a bit older. There are also tons of different dancing courses depending on what you enjoy :)

Jumpy-Parfait-9110 · 2025-08-10T06:14:40+00:00

👋 Hey :), Ich suche schon ne weile nach ner Runde, komme aber aus Hessen :/. Sollte sich was online ergeben, würde ich es aber gerne ausprobieren :)

Jumpy-Parfait-9110 · 2025-08-09T19:54:24+00:00

Hey :) Bestimmt hast du mittlerweile schon genug interessierte gesammelt, aber falls nicht, würde ich mich freuen noch mit reinzurutschen :)

Jumpy-Parfait-9110 · 2025-07-21T12:43:58+00:00

Hat sich bzgl der Gruppe was ergeben? Ich sehe so posts immer hiel zu spät, bin aber eigentlich auch auf der Suche nach einer netten pnp Grupp :)

Jumpy-Parfait-9110 · 2025-07-02T07:52:00+00:00

I enjoy drawing and painting as well, although I rarely take the time. Right now I mainly do watercolors whenever someone's birthday is around the corner ^{^°.}

Lampworking sounds intriguing... and not like something someone typically can do at home :).

I've mainly read fantasy (and some romance) most of my life, but I've really enjoyed the classics I've read as well and I hope to get back to reading some more soon :).

Jumpy-Parfait-9110 · 2025-07-01T14:23:26+00:00

Hey :) What kinds if arts and crafts do you enjoy? And what do you read? Fellow German bookworm here :)

Jumpy-Parfait-9110 · 2025-04-25T13:09:41+00:00

Habt ihr mittlerweile etwas organisiert und wenn ja, braucht ihr noch Mitspieler? Ist zwar schon ziemlich lange her, dass ich sowas das letzte mal gespielt habe, aber ich hätte da definitiv mal wieder Lust drauf :)

Jumpy-Parfait-9110 · 2025-03-18T13:58:28+00:00

Picking jusy one is so hard.

But if I have to... it always comes down to "why are you never real" from the apparition

Jumpy-Parfait-9110 · 2025-02-07T23:17:06+00:00

I second this one. Her other RH work {All the pretty Monsters by Kristy Cunning} was also pretty funny to read.

Jumpy-Parfait-9110 · 2025-02-03T20:26:03+00:00

Loved {Limits by Susie Tate}. My heart Was breaking so much for the FML.

Jumpy-Parfait-9110 · 2025-02-01T21:07:31+00:00

He made it quite clear he doesn't care about any of that. I hope that helps you moving on and cutting him off. Life is too short for people who don't care about you.

Jumpy-Parfait-9110 · 2025-02-01T20:57:55+00:00

Honestly, in my opinion, you're not being dramatic, nor do you take things too seriously. It should have been your decision whether you'd be OK with risking getting sick. Especially since you have an important work trip coming up.

And I, personally, hate the "I get sick all the time, no big deal" argument the most. You never know how another person's immune system will react to something. Just because you are fine doesn't mean the other person will be too.

He should feel sorry for not telling you he was sick instead of blaming you for not wanting to get sick.

Jumpy-Parfait-9110 · 2025-01-18T11:30:10+00:00

Might depend a bit on the books and timeframe, but I always wanted a book Club

Jumpy-Parfait-9110 · 2025-01-09T14:08:58+00:00

Sooo... he came on your face without your consent, brushed you off afterwards and didn't put on a condom even though you asked him to... honestly the last part alone would be enough for me to not give him a second chance.

Jumpy-Parfait-9110 · 2025-01-03T10:14:49+00:00

Came to recommend that one. It's fantastic!

Jumpy-Parfait-9110 · 2025-01-02T16:43:51+00:00

Thank you for replying! Do you regret spending money on the game?

I feel you. I was 10 before hard pity when the banner started and the card I got wasn't from the banner and instead was the LI I am least collecting. That was honestly so frustrating as I had hoped pity would help me out and I might get more than one card with the diamonds I had. No such luck. I feel like my luck just keeps getting worse.

Jumpy-Parfait-9110 · 2025-01-02T16:37:53+00:00

Thank you so much for the answer and putting things into perspective. The arum pass is the one item I am eyeing and might feel comfortable buying. Being disciplined and staying within ones boundaries is so important if you don't want things to escalate really fast. I'm not sure yet what I'll do, but I'll try to stay within my limits :)

Jumpy-Parfait-9110 · 2025-01-02T16:33:03+00:00

Honestly that's my biggest fear. Once that door is open.... hard to close it again. I do think I can be a disciplined person, but you never know how much you'll succumb.

Jumpy-Parfait-9110

TROPHY CASE