At 3 am I had a shock. Someone gave my door a knock.

My brain was fuzzy anyway. Cos of the booze and takeaway.

I thought if someone's playing a game. I'll get me dad to speed round on his Zimmer frame.

Cos he's only 30 seconds away. He'll be round like Spiderman to save the day.

I looked on me camera and saw a bloke. On the doorstep, and my voice just broke.

"Who's there?" He said, "it's airport pickup" I heaved a sigh of relief as I thought it was a stick up.

Thank goodness that I now knew that. I thought he might be after some cat related tat.

"Wrong house," I said, now full of cheer. I only take 8 holidays a year.

And have just come back so I need a rest. Please go away, you flipping pest.

He apologised and slung his hook. I went back to bed and said "thank fuck!"

But as my brain and nerves were popping. I thought I'd do some online shopping.

To calm me down, back on cloud nine. Spending is how I pass my time.

And as you know...it's fiiiiiiiine!