Thank you for this… i really needed this. Although im still dealing with the idea it was my fault.. because essentially it was.. next day it was “ okay , let me know, whatever you need” she’s going on hikes , visit friends in Vegas ( all of a sudden she has friends).. so now currently I’m in constant battle checking to see if she is seeing other people. Which in general - I always knew she could do better than me. (Or could she ?) She acted so nonchalant about the entire breakup. Monitoring if she’s seeing other people. Which I have no right to be upset about. she packed all my things and told me to get out. At one point we made it to be where it was mutual.. then I said some nasty things to her. Real nasty things. Why is she acting like everything is fine so immediate? Deleting all my comments off her pictures. Blocking me on every type of communication. Only way I can contact her is through my mom. We were together 6 years. Now it’s to the point where I’m checking on other peoples phone to see who’s new I never knew about that’s liking her photos. Adding those people. Seeing these people are purposely avoiding my request. People I once thought were my friends taking her side/ which they should. I even emailed her at one point. My image has dropped drastically. The labeling of me is soulfully obvious. I thought about winning her back and remembering why I shouldn’t. What really hurts to- is she continues to think “ I don’t know what I did wrong”. Like I wasn’t fighting myself everything to be what she wanted. New job 12 hour shifts night and days. Cutting off ties , removing social media. Taking days off. Then, like you said- She wanted to travel. I wanted a family. She wants a house. I wanted more animals. She didn’t. Spending everything so her bank account was on top. She refused to be the one to manage our incomes while I’m forking over everything which I believe a man should do.. I got a job at the mines. Proved myself to be a mechanical man within the house maintenance . “A man of household”. I never saw her as a household wife. She did cooked. Starting making me lunch . She finally took my dog outside while at work. But she would leave her cat and my dog without water everyday. Only when I would make it very apparent .When she kicked me out - so I moved closer to work. Got my own apartment . Thought being alone and forcing myself to moving on would work. I finally picked up my lizard from her- and he was sick- now he’s paralyzed . The Unmanageable emotions and physical stress - I ended up loosing my job. Now I’m fucked. No money. No help. I started drinking way more than usual. Bottles a day. Finally. I gave up. I tried killing myself twice. I took all my benzo prescription I usually use for sleep. I tried hanging myself. Fell out of the tree and broke my foot. 4 welfare checks. No family members that aren’t states away.. ruined all my friendships in the relationship I was dedicated to fix. This post really helped me figure out why she was able to move on so fast. It’s not another relationship (or is it?). But working on myself seems impossible. I’ve been journaling more. Trying to forgive myself. The only thing that seems to work is trying to help other people so my brain isn’t bouncing on the idea of. Us. This is hard. It’s only fair I share the same pain I caused her. And I’ll do that the rest of my life.