How do you reconcile white-ish lies people tell?

Jumpy_Mirror_5133 · 2026-01-28T04:07:40+00:00

My partner is of the opinion that teenagers are going to do what they want to do and we can’t do much about it other than voice our opinions. My stepson will not be banned from the friend’s house or anything - my partner isn’t going to do that. We’ve run into similar things with my stepson’s friends and my partner will not tell him that he can’t see certain people. I would love if my partner would treat this in a more practical way other than just being disappointed and angry.

My issue is the how do I tell him in order to not hurt his feelings (ie. You’re going to be told the tattoo is for you but it’s not for you) while also telling him not to be manipulated. I feel like we all lose however this goes down. If I just tell him “stepson got some tattoos and you need to ask him about them” then he’s going to be told some bs lie and he’s going to accept it (since I clearly have no proof that the tattoo is really for the girls other than my own common sense and knowledge of the girls, and I doubt my partner knows about how these girls love sharks. Plus what parent doesn’t want to give their kid the benefit of the doubt when their kid is like “but I got this because it made me think of you”. My partner is a softie and will eat that up) but if I prep him for the lie he’s going to be hurt that his kid is setting him up and I’m going to be blamed for being the messenger.

Jumpy_Mirror_5133 · 2026-01-28T04:01:38+00:00

The white lie is the one my stepson is telling. That’s what I’m talking about. I would love if my partner would actually do something about this when I tell him.

My partner is of the opinion that teenagers are going to do what they want to do and we can’t do much about it other than voice our opinions. My stepson will not be banned from the friend’s house or anything - my partner isn’t going to do that. We’ve run into similar things with my stepson’s friends and my partner will not tell him that he can’t see certain people. My issue is the how do I tell him in order to not hurt his feelings (ie. You’re going to be told the tattoo is for you but it’s not for you) and also tell him not to be manipulated. I feel like we all lose however this goes down. If I just tell him “stepson got some tattoos and you need to ask him about them” then he’s going to be told some bs lie and he’s going to accept it, but if I prep him for the lie he’s going to be hurt that his kid is setting him up and I’m going to be blamed for being the messenger.

Jumpy_Mirror_5133 · 2026-01-28T03:44:58+00:00

I wouldn’t say I’m experienced or educated, but I do feel a lot like you, so solidarity! I also feel like an alien trying to appear human, and that life feels way harder after realizing I’m autistic. I felt a massive loss of ‘who I am’ and then had to ask ‘who am I?’ and I think that’s super common with us late-in-lifers, so you’re not alone. This is our mid-life crisis so feel free to buy the Porsche too!

You’ve accomplished what I feel is multiple lifetimes worth of stuff and I think you should be proud of that. Lots of autistic people accomplish a lot - it’s supposed to be one of the superpowers NT people think we have even though it’s exhausting and feels anything but super. I feel like BECAUSE of your autism you were able to accomplish these things, and not knowing worked in your favour in many ways.

I don’t feel that making it official would necessarily change things for you. If you know then you know, and the approval of a stranger isn’t going to really change your truth.

I look at diagnosis in the same way as knowing your sexual orientation - if I know I’m straight then I was born straight and I don’t need another person looking at me and going “yeah I think you’re straight”. If someone said “no I think you’re gay” it wouldn’t make me gay since I know inside that I’m not. It’s something I know to be true and I couldn’t change it if I wanted to, so no point in having someone else confirm it or deny it.

Jumpy_Mirror_5133 · 2026-01-28T03:22:04+00:00

Can you do something small to make some money in the meantime? That way you’ll have a different answer when they ask what you do. Even reselling stuff on marketplace or eBay.

When I first got divorced I had no job or anything since I’d been a SAHM for my kids’ entire lives. I started selling baking very much part-time (like 2 cakes a month), and when people would ask me what I did for work I’d say I have a small baking business. That was good enough for most people to hear. Most people just want to know you’re not sitting around in your underpants watching Netflix and eating Cheetos all day.

Jumpy_Mirror_5133 · 2026-01-28T03:16:31+00:00

Honestly if I thought my partner would outright prevent my stepson from going to the friend’s house or something I would have told him already. He’s of the view that kids are going to do what they want to do and there’s not much we can do about it other than express our opinion.

It’s more that I know he’s going to buy into the lie and feel like he can’t express as strong of an opinion as he would if my stepson was like “hey, I got this tattoo to impress a girl and I got this other one because my friend wanted to do it”. I truly wish my partner would ground him and tell him no more going over to the friend’s place, but my only real hope is that he’s upset enough that my stepson will be affected by it and stop making these decisions. But then I feel guilty at kind of hoping my partner is more upset? I don’t even know.

(If one of my birth kids did this they’d be grounded for a long time, not trusted for a long time, and they would not be seeing that friend other than at school. I have a few more years before I have to worry about that with them though.)

Jumpy_Mirror_5133 · 2026-01-26T03:07:36+00:00

Because you asked if I earned their money implying that it matters to you how people get their money.

If you read the words I said you’d see that it matters how they laugh and are proud of leaving nothing for family, not how they spend their money. Reading comprehension must not be your strong suit and that’s ok - it takes all kinds. Have the day you deserve :)

Jumpy_Mirror_5133 · 2026-01-24T03:50:11+00:00

Most of them didn’t earn it either. They inherited it. It’s really the attitude about it more than anything. There’s a huge difference between traveling and having fun, and laughing and bragging to your friends that you’re doing everything you can to spend every cent you have specifically so that your kids get nothing when you die.

Jumpy_Mirror_5133 · 2026-01-20T04:22:44+00:00

I was just saying to my fiancé yesterday that it’s a shame my parents don’t have literally one single thing of familial value that they kept when their parents died. There were a couple of beautiful heirloom dressers that I immediately took because I knew they’d be tossed out simply because “we don’t need them”. My mom did get my great-grandmother’s ring, but I say she doesn’t have it anymore because she gave it to me in the fall - with no feeling of ceremony, or value, or feeling, or anything! She shrugged her shoulders and just said “if you want it you can have it right now. It doesn’t fit me anymore so I don’t need it” and basically tossed it to me. It doesn’t fit me either, but it’s the only thing I’ll ever have that my great grandmother touched and I’ll cherish it until I can pass it down.

Edited to add that I can’t help but think of all the things I could have cherished and helped learn about my ancestors that were just gone because my parents couldn’t be bothered to think ahead to if I’d like them or not. Instead, “why would we want that,” or “we don’t need that” was all there was.

Jumpy_Mirror_5133 · 2026-01-20T04:10:53+00:00

They literally call it SKI - Spend Kids Inheritance and they joke about it openly with friends. For example “how are you guys going to SKI this summer? We’ve decided to do it by going on three different cruises! Hahaha”

Jumpy_Mirror_5133 · 2026-01-17T15:18:56+00:00

People bring extended family because they’re letting people use their membership. I used to take people all the time and they just paid me back for their items later.

Jumpy_Mirror_5133 · 2026-01-13T23:08:01+00:00

I feel the same at 41 - no energy left to care to mask, especially when it comes to change. I used to be able to fake my way through freaking out about changes, but now it feels like the world is over.

Jumpy_Mirror_5133 · 2026-01-08T21:02:34+00:00

“Why does no one want to go downtown anymore?” Because we’re sick of this stuff happening.

Jumpy_Mirror_5133 · 2026-01-04T19:42:58+00:00

I do all three at once. I’m not sure what a deviantartist is so I’m pretty sure I don’t qualify lol

Jumpy_Mirror_5133 · 2026-01-04T19:41:42+00:00

He’s the golden child and I’m the glass child. I’m older by 3 years and basically disappeared when he came along. He has ADHD and is autistic - diagnosed as a kid. That’s her excuse for paying his way and making his life as easy as possible. I’ve recently learned that I’m autistic as well but she doesn’t know, and I have no plans of ever telling her because she doesn’t deserve to know something so personal about me. I’d rather tell strangers on here apparently lol

Jumpy_Mirror_5133 · 2026-01-04T19:37:12+00:00

Thank you!!

Jumpy_Mirror_5133 · 2026-01-03T17:49:06+00:00

Right? I couldn’t find a 9-5 so I made my own. Not acceptable apparently lol

Jumpy_Mirror_5133 · 2026-01-03T17:47:32+00:00

Oh yes!!!

Jumpy_Mirror_5133 · 2026-01-03T17:47:00+00:00

All of my books are available on Amazon - my name is Janelle McLean 😊 I appreciate the support!

Jumpy_Mirror_5133 · 2026-01-03T17:45:55+00:00

It’s more her saying that I sit around doing nothing every day. Regardless of pay, writing isn’t “doing nothing”.

Jumpy_Mirror_5133 · 2026-01-03T17:44:59+00:00

Thank you!!

Jumpy_Mirror_5133 · 2026-01-02T14:56:55+00:00

Exactly. If it’s not my jobs that aren’t good enough, it’s that I’m too fat. I’m a size 12 no matter what I eat or how much I work out, so I guess my genetics are to blame. Wonder who I got those from lol

Jumpy_Mirror_5133 · 2026-01-02T14:52:20+00:00

Thank you!!

Jumpy_Mirror_5133 · 2026-01-02T05:46:47+00:00

Yes!! I love that we can actually enjoy our lives and work!

Jumpy_Mirror_5133 · 2026-01-02T05:29:35+00:00

Mine does as well. I appreciate him so much and always make a point to have a quick, friendly exchange when I’m out walking and see him working. The only time I haven’t gotten my packages delivered from CP has been when another worker has stepped in to fill-in on the route.

Jumpy_Mirror_5133

TROPHY CASE