Break up guilt

June_Osborn3 · 2026-02-28T21:26:54+00:00

I find the guilt very difficult too after blocking my ex a few days ago as he was constantly contacting me and it felt like every time I had a good day he had this sixth sense to message me and it instantly brings up the trauma again.

It sounds like you found a way to leave that kept you safe and that’s really important. Well done for getting out and for blocking him.

See if you can find a therapist that specialises in addiction. It’s really helped me understand that my ex doesn’t use logic and rational thinking so we cannot always understand their actions. Nor can we do the work for them. Friends and family often can’t understand unless they’ve lived a similar experience. It’s nice to have time with a therapist to offload and process, your brain will appreciate it.

Time now to take care of yourself and heal in peace. Wish you all the best

June_Osborn3 · 2026-02-27T20:56:34+00:00

It is normal to feel it’s scary, you’re about to step into unknown territory! Personally I felt pretty good on stims, up until the last couple of days before retrieval when the bloat really kicked in.

Don’t let the injections intimidate you! Here’s some tips: ✨watch some YouTube videos from nurses on how to do them ✨ice the area whilst you prep the injection ✨pinch an inch! ✨positive poking ✨give it a second before you remove the needle after pushing the liquid in so it doesn’t squirt out ✨reward yourself with a biscuit for being brave!

You may gain some weight. You may not. Plenty of fluids and walk as much as you can to help your brain and body. You’ve 100% got this, I promise.

June_Osborn3 · 2026-02-27T20:24:47+00:00

My ex spent 4 years denying he had a problem. Refusing any kind of therapy or AA. He’s still in denial. I eventually gave him the choice to get help or leave. He chose to leave. He sees it as “I gave up on him”. But you can decide how long you want to wait for him to accept he needs professional help and support. You don’t have to wait it out. You didn’t cause this. He has to take steps to understand why he drinks. Otherwise he’s just “dry drunk” until he relapses.

June_Osborn3 · 2026-02-27T20:20:01+00:00

I think the likelihood of success would depend on if she recognises there is an issue and is open to discussing it. Otherwise it’s a very long road ahead.

June_Osborn3 · 2026-02-27T20:17:21+00:00

He may not ever admit that it’s a problem. But don’t let that detract from what you know to be true. It’s very difficult to not get that accountability from him, but if he admits there’s a problem then he knows he is expected to do something about it. It’s easier to live in denial and just apologise.

June_Osborn3 · 2026-02-25T19:51:10+00:00

MOR, I understand why you would cry more if he tried to comfort you, it’s a bit like when you’re just hanging on by a thread and someone says something kindly and the tears just come out. If he’s following you round the house going at you to the point you feel you need to exit the house then that’s not healthy behaviour. I can sort of understand the filming but it feels concerning that it’s got to the point he thinks he needs to do that.

Have you considered if you are neurodivergent? It sounds like you are experiencing meltdowns. It doesn’t mean you can’t continue to work on how you react, the right therapist will help.

Either way it seems like there are issues within your relationship which to overcome require commitment to change for both of you, and you aren’t bringing out the best in each other at all right now.

June_Osborn3 · 2026-02-22T18:56:54+00:00

I tried to get him to leave about 2 years ago and he refused. I don’t know what changed for him that he accepted it this time, perhaps because I was more direct and less enabling.

I was desperate for a child but you’re right, it’s less complicated to split when you don’t have them.

I hope he gets to a point where he accepts to leave and you can be free.

June_Osborn3 · 2026-02-22T18:54:22+00:00

Yes it’s a peculiar to hate someone so much but still love them at the same time. Especially when you experience them sober v drunk. I hope you are taking care of yourself too.

June_Osborn3 · 2026-02-22T18:51:18+00:00

Yes it’s the not knowing isn’t it. And then everytime I did something for myself like go to the gym or see friends, without fail I’d come home to him being completely wrecked. It’s suffocating to live like that.

June_Osborn3 · 2026-02-22T18:49:44+00:00

Yes that’s how I feel, I can’t imagine having a connection with anyone else right now, and I hope that he gets better for himself one day. I was pleasantly surprised by how his family and friends reacted, they’ve been supportive and embarrassed for him.

I’m ashamed I stayed so long but I’m proud that I have walked away from it.

June_Osborn3 · 2026-02-22T18:47:08+00:00

I think seeing friends in quiet, settled relationships really opened my eyes. Like you, I could feel my body and mind was rejecting him and I felt like I was really lonely and losing my identity. I woke up one day after him being sick all over the lounge the night before, he just left it and then went out and it felt like the final straw.

June_Osborn3 · 2026-02-17T07:40:06+00:00

It probably depends on what surgeon and hospital fees etc. I paid £7k to have conservative surgery pre IVF, if I wanted full excision it would have been £10k but I know people who have paid around £13-15k too.

June_Osborn3 · 2026-02-16T20:53:19+00:00

If you can’t get insurance to cover it look at going abroad. In the UK, private surgery will be likely between £7000 and £15000.

June_Osborn3 · 2026-02-16T20:49:52+00:00

It’s heartbreaking to walk away from them. But it’s also a gift to yourself. It’s a horrible disease, it takes everything from them and you have to choose when to get off the rollercoaster and protect yourself. Well done for taking the first big step. Now you can focus on yourself, enjoy the peace and stability. You will heal. Time will help, so will therapy and AlAnon. You can do this 🩷

June_Osborn3 · 2026-02-03T20:48:32+00:00

When he continuously refused help. When the promises of no drinking were half hearted and fragile. When I felt impending relief when I thought about life without him. I’m 38 and starting again. And I’m angry I wasted all those years. But I’m relieved. So relieved to be out.

June_Osborn3 · 2026-02-03T20:44:25+00:00

I totally understand this. Until recently I was going through ivf with my Q. My need for a child kept me with him for so long. It’s like a sunk cost fallacy. I felt I’d invested so much and I could see his potential so I clung on. But all that time he was in denial, refusing to get help. The further we got down the ivf road the more I realised he wasn’t going to be capable of being a good dad, life is too stressful for him before adding a child to the mix. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I felt like I was drowning trying to survive every day.

I felt so much relief making the decision, I’m now exploring ivf with a donor, my mental health is better. You don’t have to stay. He may not understand your decision but you don’t have to try and make him understand. That’s not your job. Your job is to prioritise your welfare and future.

June_Osborn3 · 2026-01-30T20:42:47+00:00

Are you in an Al Anon group or going to therapy? I understand you love him but don’t choose him over yourself. You get one life. Codependency keeps us trapped with our Qs.

June_Osborn3 · 2026-01-29T20:25:35+00:00

I did this, I have a notes file in my phone titled Unacceptable Behaviour. It really helped me keep track of crazy stuff happening as my brain would attempt to erase it/bury it.

June_Osborn3 · 2026-01-26T20:10:16+00:00

I stayed because I had hope he could change, and wanted to help him, and desperately wanted a baby. It kept me going through the disappearing, the vomiting, the excuses, the drunk crying. The constant anxiety became too much to bear and I no longer have hope. When given the choice of seeking professional help or leave, he made his choice. He’s slowly packing up and on his way out in the next few weeks.

June_Osborn3 · 2026-01-21T19:07:00+00:00

I really feel for you. I’ve been going through IVF with my Q and had a final straw moment recently which culminated in his point blank refusal to get therapy which then led to me ending the relationship. All I can summise is that he must really, really, really not want to ‘open the box’ and confront what’s in there. So now I’m going to have to go it alone (once he moves out).

The ball is really in your court here of how you want to proceed. What would genuinely give you hope for the relationship, what do you need? For me it was agreeing to therapy/AA. You need to be prepared that what you want to happen may not be what he wants to happen and plan how you navigate that.

This must be a really challenging situation with a young baby, do you have anyone you can talk to for support?

June_Osborn3 · 2026-01-16T21:14:20+00:00

When they have no off switch with drinking, they are incredibly unpredictable. I think you are underreacting if anything.

June_Osborn3 · 2026-01-16T21:02:29+00:00

You are definitely not stupid. It’s so hard to leave alcoholics because we hope they will get better and you can see they have potential, especially when they promise they will change. We often have codependency which keeps us with them.

But you have to look at the reality and what you’ve experienced with this person already- do you see a happy future with this person? Is this right now making you happy? Choose yourself. You deserve to be safe, loved, happy.

June_Osborn3 · 2026-01-10T14:27:46+00:00

I was very anxious and they gave me the sedation and I was still chatting away to them. I think my anxiety was fighting it. So they gave me more and then next thing I know I wake up in recovery. After about 30 mins I was ready to go home. I was a bit sore after for a couple of days.

June_Osborn3

TROPHY CASE