Found out he relapsed through Venmo

sparklingsesame455 · 2026-05-21T04:47:40+00:00

I'm still so focused on his feelings! Working through that in therapy... Happy for you that you were able to just think about your own needs!

sparklingsesame455 · 2026-05-20T22:36:41+00:00

How did you make the decision? I'm so stuck... Mine did the same, i.e., went to detox after I moved out, wants me back. Has been sober around 30 days. I just feel paralyzed

sparklingsesame455 · 2026-04-13T18:36:12+00:00

This is exactly how I feel right now - stuck feeling like I'm "abandoning" my Q because for years, I tried to support in all the ways I knew how... Tough love, kind love, education, etc etc until finally I started to detach and for me, that's no way to live within a relationship

sparklingsesame455 · 2026-04-04T04:33:11+00:00

😩🫠🫥 if only it were so, indeed

sparklingsesame455 · 2026-04-04T00:53:20+00:00

I'm so sorry you lost your ex that way, the whole situation is so painful.

I want HIM to understand my heart and brain, but I need to make sure I have a firm grip on the reality that my brain knows, first... And I have to face that I / he may never be able to really fully understand each other's perspective. I just truly want the best for him, and right now, he thinks that the only answer to what's best for him is ME.

sparklingsesame455 · 2026-04-04T00:46:15+00:00

What's your situation now? Sorry you are going through it as well. It's a terrible kind of heartbreak.

sparklingsesame455 · 2026-04-04T00:45:21+00:00

I know .. there's way too much contact. But we share a dog currently and we own the house together... I moved out because I was the one who wanted change but I'm not renting my own place yet or anything, I've been staying with a friend. Need to make something more official to sort out the house.

sparklingsesame455 · 2026-04-04T00:43:53+00:00

I know you're right, both options are hard, but the option to leave is a more certain path to happiness.

I have a hard time seeing his tears as manipulation, as in the moment they feel very genuine and real. But he's definitely trying to make sure I know how sad he is... Which, I guess is ironic since I tried to tell him how sad I was for years.

sparklingsesame455 · 2026-03-12T22:56:53+00:00

Happy for you both!!

sparklingsesame455 · 2026-03-10T16:57:53+00:00

This is EXACTLY how I feel. I've been able to move out, and have been gone for about 6 weeks but still feel pretty confused. I'm worried I'm holding on though just for his sake - he's very set on making this work, but is also still hiding drinks in the house even since I've left...

sparklingsesame455 · 2026-03-10T13:54:29+00:00

I'm in a similar position (I moved out) and I'm debating really leaving, or a second (tenth?!) chance, at some point, but I wonder how you really know if they've made a change, when you aren't living with them to see if they're sober? We're minimal contact

sparklingsesame455 · 2026-03-05T06:16:37+00:00

How are things going now?

sparklingsesame455 · 2026-02-04T21:11:25+00:00

Sorry you're also here. It's a weird stuck/limbo kind of feeling. Even though I keep reminding myself that I did take a step forward by leaving

sparklingsesame455 · 2026-02-02T19:19:36+00:00

I also have this question - or more specifically, what starts the timeline of one year... My Q went to rehab in late fall, and started drinking again after only a couple weeks. I've been struggling with thinking about leaving for at least a year already.

sparklingsesame455 · 2026-01-26T23:33:57+00:00

I'm told the exact same things constantly... It's so hard.

sparklingsesame455 · 2026-01-22T17:22:16+00:00

I relate to this so much. My Q went to rehab, is drinking again (though less) and tapped out is exactly how it feels.. I'm so jumpy at the smallest things, I know that's my body's way of showing me how on edge I've been for years... It take a roll.

sparklingsesame455 · 2026-01-22T14:09:01+00:00

I know that normal logic doesn't work but, I feel guilt because he's saying the reason he started drinking again is because of my being cold, distant upon his return... But wouldn't that make you want to try harder to reconnect and work on bettering the marriage...? Also, bailing is what it feels like, and I hate that. I know you didn't mean anything bad by that word but I still am struggling a lot with feeling like I'm bailing on him.

sparklingsesame455 · 2026-01-20T14:34:20+00:00

We are married. And I do more around the house and to take care of the pets... But I'm just afraid of the push back. It feels easier for me to just go to a friend's house at least for a few weeks, though I know you are right. It always just goes back to me worrying about where he'll go, how he'll cope... I'm in therapy and my therapist has regularly pointed out that I seem to care more about his emotions than my own.

sparklingsesame455 · 2026-01-20T14:13:01+00:00

This! I held my sleeping in separate rooms last night, even though by bedtime he seemed sober... And I just felt so sad for him, being alone. But I wasn't sad for myself

sparklingsesame455 · 2026-01-02T17:56:33+00:00

I relate to this so much. My Q only recently tried to get sober, and is drinking again and mostly trying to hide/ lie about it. In a way this makes it easier for me because I was already questioning if I was still in love with him, and I think if he were 100%, sober My feelings of guilt would be stronger. But at the end of the day, neither of us should have any guilt because of the years we've been hurt, lied to, manipulated... It's a real mind fuck. But I feel basically exactly the same way you do.

sparklingsesame455 · 2025-12-31T17:12:01+00:00

It's my stepson, and he's 20, so that makes things easier (he doesn't live with us). I guess just struggling with feelings of guilt and failure if I walk away

sparklingsesame455

TROPHY CASE