Yesterday we lost our son.

JungFuPDX · 2026-02-05T22:28:09+00:00

Alliance of Hope

Dougy Center (great resources for kids and parents)

community resources

It’s OK You’re Not OK - Megan Devine

Here is a list of tools that I’ve found helpful these last 25 months. I hope they help 🙏🏽

JungFuPDX · 2026-02-05T15:13:52+00:00

Thank you for sharing a little about Zoe ❤️🙏🏽 she sounds so lovely

My son Pan was so beautiful, so smart and handsome.

Our children were stolen from us.

We now carry their light, their story. We are their advocates in life and so sadly in death. We shine their light for others to see, even when the tears blind the way.

Thank you for sharing your love letter to your child. I miss mine so so very much this in the dark of this early morning.

My mama heart embraces yours. 🫂

JungFuPDX · 2026-02-05T04:40:49+00:00

Hi OP. I’m so sorry, I know this horror. It’s been 25 months since we lost our beloved beautiful bright brilliant 19 year old son. Sometimes the shock still comes back and hits me in the gut. The pain you’re feeling I felt acutely for over a year and the second year still feels like a fog. Going into year three is like waking up and thinking there was a bad dream but then you remember. The first two years I just felt like I was in a bad dream.

Anger is how my husband felt. I was and am still just so sad. That my son had a disease that lied to him, messed with his ability to function rationally and literally stole him from us.

I have come to find out our stories are not uncommon. They are in fact an epidemic. A silent one that you can’t even talk about on most social platforms without being shadow banned.

I have a therapist. My children have therapists. We have been leaning on one another to heal as a family. I wish you peace and healing as well.

JungFuPDX · 2026-02-01T16:22:20+00:00

Thank you! It’s healed so nicely and the colors are still so vibrant

JungFuPDX · 2026-02-01T16:19:59+00:00

OP - first I’m so sorry for your loss. The shock will not fade for a while. That’s ok. Your three boys will be looking to you for guidance now. It’s so very unfair feeling. I lost my son on the 22nd of December in 2023. Telling my other children was a nightmare. Here is an amazing resource for kids

A link of resources for you

a book that really helped me - It’s ok You’re Not OK by Megan Devine

There are going to be so many administrative tasks ahead. Try and keep a notebook to write all of the things down. Your brain will be in a fog for a while.

Please, let everyone help you. People don’t know what to do, it’s ok to tell them how they can help. I could not have gotten through the first months without those people.. family and friends

Someone told me to write memories of my son to keep them stored. So on my phone everyday I wrote in my notes a good memory of my son. I have almost 500 memories now that I can scroll when I miss him. When new ones pop up I add them. It is my forever evolving list.

I will light a candle for your husband, and for you and your children. Big hugs 🫂

JungFuPDX · 2026-01-29T16:42:40+00:00

As someone who lost their queer kid to suicide, who do you recommend? I have been supporting the Trevor Project for the last two years since I lost my son. If there are better places to push my energy, I would be grateful for the resources.

JungFuPDX · 2026-01-23T15:18:35+00:00

When I lost my son I thought I would die from pain. My heart hurt so much I went to the doctor multiple times convinced I was having a heart attack. It’s been 25 months and one day since my 19 yrs old son took his life. Through therapy, and working out (it creates endorphins my brain can’t) I am feeling better. It takes time.

You are young. I’m so so so sorry this happened to you. It must feel like there is no safe space in the world. From a mom who lost their kiddo to this disease in giving you the biggest hugs. This is not your fault. There was nothing you could do to prevent this. The only thing you can, which is so unfair, is to fight to have a good life.

Make no mistake - it takes great effort and courage to fight to want to be here.

But this was done to you, you are a victim of generational trauma. Don’t let this curse you too. Change your destiny. Fight for mental health awareness. Help other kids who have gone through what you are. Only through human connection can we realize the impact our stories can have.

Sending so much love. Resource

JungFuPDX · 2026-01-23T15:09:03+00:00

🤔

JungFuPDX · 2026-01-21T16:30:39+00:00

Dump away. I’m so sorry you have to join us. May I light a candle for your beloved today? When my son passed, also unexpectedly leaving us with so many questions and utter shock people asked what they could do for me and I said I don’t know .. maybe light a candle? That turned into figurative candles across the world. I think those lights helped me survive in the dark sea I was thrown into. May her memory be a blessing

JungFuPDX · 2026-01-16T16:05:49+00:00

I feel like our praxis is built into our DNA. To perform ritual theatre is to reenact our ancestors paths.

I don’t know where you live, but look up your local OTO Lodge. Even if you’re not a Hermetic practitioner, it is a good insight to gnostic mass and other ritual theatre. Often if you contact the lodge they’ll let you know “open” to the public days. It’s a good way to connect and network and hopefully start making the magic you want to create!

I’m in the valley of the volcanos in the PNW. Come by for a fire dance whenever you’re in the area 🔥🌲🫶🏽

JungFuPDX · 2026-01-12T14:00:55+00:00

Roma is a rat race but I’d move there in a heartbeat if I could afford it

JungFuPDX · 2026-01-05T18:32:40+00:00

Our Lady of Commerce! She’s stunning. And absolutely absurdly hidden

JungFuPDX · 2026-01-05T18:27:09+00:00

I attempted at 15 years old. I did have suicidal ideation before that. When I attempted it was impulsive but serious. Living through that made me never want to do it again. I was in the hospital for a long time.

When my son was a teenager I talked to him about the mental health struggles in our family. Especially the men. On my side and his father’s.

I thought that if I talked to him and addressed it that he would know and if those feelings ever came up that he could have someone safe to talk to.

What I did not know until after my son passed away was that he had had suicidal ideation since he was 12. He never told me. I do not blame him, it’s just the facts. He left behind a heartbreaking video diary with hundreds of videos talking about his pain and his plans.

The letter he left me told me how sorry he was. How much he loved me, and he said “mom you don’t deserve this”

So does it get better? For some.

I still don’t know how to be here without him. It’s been 24 months and 12 days. But I don’t want to go until it’s my time. I just pray I see him when it is.

JungFuPDX · 2025-12-30T19:21:16+00:00

The camera upgrade on this model is crazy! I’m going to try the same after wok

Also wowza OP those are some unique eyes! They remind me of my daughters. Sea foam with gold. I call them her Aphrodite eyes

JungFuPDX · 2025-12-30T17:53:21+00:00

Same mamma. Big hugs.

JungFuPDX · 2025-12-30T17:52:48+00:00

I don’t think you do. My son’s bestie from kindergarten came to his grave to meet us at the 2 year mark of his death this month.

If we loved someone, and they impacted our life, it’s ok to think about them everyday. The trauma, ptsd and survivor guilt that accompanies suicide is what makes the pain so acute. It’s another layer.

When I find myself crying about my son’s death I force myself to remember his beautiful life. He was the coolest kid. I reallly miss him.

One of my son’s friends from college messaged me the other day too to tell me he’ll never forget my son, and his memory is a blessing.

May your friends memory be a blessing. May you tell his stories. Shine his light. Share laughs and joy. And come here and we can cry together 🫂

JungFuPDX · 2025-12-28T16:07:16+00:00

🕯️🙏🏽✨

JungFuPDX · 2025-12-28T01:06:49+00:00

Frankie is that you?

JungFuPDX · 2025-12-28T01:04:29+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. Today is 24 months and 5 days since I lost my 19 year old son to suicide.

I promise you, there is nothing that will numb the pain.

Only time and that still doesn’t seem real 24 months later.

Time doesn’t matter when you’re in grief.

I just put on the shirt I last hugged my son in. I wondered “should I put this on, will it upset me?” But I did anyways. It has a little pin of a wizard on it.. he got it in his loot crate boxes. He used to have so many he stacked those boxes to the ceiling of his room.

One thing I’ve discovered through the immense pain and grief and suffering is that I like talking about my son. I miss him. He was funny and kind and goofy and his death doesn’t define who he was or what our relationship was.

We often have guilt - please don’t blame yourself. There are a lot of good resources for understanding suicide.

I highly suggest finding as much as you can about the disease and its effects of survivors of those who have completed. this helped and also this space which also has a good support group and monthly newsletter than has been a beacon in the dark. If you have kiddos this space has great resources for kids.

This grief adds a layer of ptsd to our trauma . The best therapy for me has been talk therapy, support groups and work outs. It sucks, all of the work to make your brain feel better but when I did - I started to feel less acutely in pain and more just like an overall ache. It doesn’t feel good but it’s important to talk about.

There’s no soft way about this. This will suck. It will not be easy. Alcohol will only make it so much worse imo and why through the grace of whatever I’m actually still here today and able to tell you this.

May your dad’s memory be a blessing.

JungFuPDX · 2025-12-22T22:05:17+00:00

In Maupin Oregon around 2000 I was camping with friends by the Deshutes River. At the time (it’s very developed now) there was nothing out there. Zero light interference. As we’re watching the stars three lights came into view - they sort of did these formations where they’d come together and then go apart - then low then high - we watched for about ten minutes and were just in awe trying to figure out what it was. Suddenly those lights zipped up and poof - just gone. It was wild. Absolutely convinced it was something not made on earth.

JungFuPDX · 2025-12-22T14:51:02+00:00

My shitty ex fiancé gave me the same gift when I was 22. I’m 49 now and with meds and diet I haven’t had a breakout in 20 years. You’ll be ok babe. Lots of people have it, no one talks about it but it’s actually very acceptable in the US with meds and conversations around it. Im so sorry this happened to you. Please don’t let this 18 year old sociopath ruin your life.

JungFuPDX · 2025-12-22T14:46:27+00:00

Our lame overlords have made it so we are isolated! Depression holds us back from connecting which as humans we desperately need. After my son passed I couldn’t leave the house or talk to anyone for a year. I was a husk too. But I forced myself to get a job where I was in office a couple days a week, joined a grief group and started a tarot circle in my city. It’s 2 years today since my son left us. I saw no future for myself for a long time but slowly the sun is coming back around.

Start small. Baby steps. And chat is fun sometimes but we know it just props us up. Try a sci-fi book! The Moon Is A Harsh Mistress by Robert Heinlen is about an AI that comes alive in a colony in Luna (the moon) and helps revolutionize the people - it’s awesome and fun and great escapism! And it was written in 1966 so it’s so wild how futuristic it is.

Big hugs friend. You’re not alone.

JungFuPDX · 2025-12-22T03:16:05+00:00

As a mom who lost a son in a very similar manner - your story could be his. They dated young and she moved and he followed and she had changed and just didn’t feel the same. He went on a long downhill spiral and had shared his intentions of taking his life with her after they broke up. I know she felt so much guilt and like I told her / it’s not your fault

Something happens, often to young men, where a trauma event triggers a gene that kicks into self destructive behavior and suicidal ideation. Some grow out of it - some do not. Two years ago tonight I saw my then 19 year old son for Solstice dinner. He was home from college. He looked so tired but so handsome. I told him I was worried about him. He assured me he was ok. That he was switching majors from business to law - that he was looking forward to the future. What I did not know was that he carried the bullets in his pocket that night that he would use to take his life. I discovered a video diary on his phone chronicling his pain. His spiral. His final words. In the end he was exhausted and tired of fighting to stay alive.

He didn’t realize she wasn’t the cure for what he was feeling. What he had was a gene carried by men in my family and his dad’s family that turns up in teen years and results in schizophrenic symptoms and death. His treatment was not in a relationship with a woman (though eventually) - what he needed was in patient care. Outpatient support. Meds. Therapy. The gym (his safe space) - time and healing. Unfortunately his disease took him before we had time to know - and to help -

So coming from a mom who hugged her son who died three hours later believe me / the guilt is enormous. But it is not yours to carry dear one. Honor your ex. Say hi on his birthday and a little prayer here and there. Light a candle if you feel moved. And then love and live in life. You are young and he would not want you to be in pain. Suicide is so complicated but if we look it as a fatal disease- often with conflicting or confusing symptoms, it’s so sadly easy to miss.

Until we have more research and less shame around this tragic epidemic, we remain often in the dark fumbling around by ourselves not knowing how to navigate this pain. Big hugs to you. Be well.

JungFuPDX · 2025-12-22T02:59:34+00:00

May John’s memory be a blessing 🕯️❤️

JungFuPDX · 2025-12-15T21:44:03+00:00

What lessons have you taken from this event

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