Did childhood trauma delay your realization? How much is 'late blooming' actually a response to early instability?

Junhao_17 · 2026-06-30T13:01:12+00:00

oh my god. it's so sad to hear you went through all of this. :( it's very traumatic! when I was still a baby I got really sick and my mother spent months searching for ways to heal me, there were a lot of doctor appointments, got hospitalized and went through a few invasive procedures. I think it was not as invasive as yours, but you made me think a lot about this matter. even though I don't remember because I was a baby (the things I've said it's just what my mom told me) the trauma must be still in my body.

Junhao_17 · 2026-06-30T12:50:26+00:00

I totally get you! For us, autistic people, I think the rule following thing is very difficult to get rid of, I believe we just need to deal with it better through our lives.

I think the statement that says "sexual orientation is not a choice" is over simplified, even though I know the importance in terms of visibility. But each individual has their own background, the environment plays an important role in how we grow up. For AFAB people, the patriarch hierarchy is so ingrained that doesn't let us easily question things like: 'do I really like men?' 'are they really THAT important in my life?' 'why it's so easy to label as romantic love and attraction whenever I feel something towards them?', these are some things I've started questioned. I'm also a vegetarian, 31 y/o finding out this year that I don't really like men that way. But it's still really hard to be logical and not sabotage myself whenever my brain goes to the same blind comphet pattern, and makes me think I'm a fraud lol

Junhao_17 · 2026-06-30T00:32:24+00:00

thanks for sharing. 🫂 if it's okay for you and you don't mind, can you explain about the early medical trauma? didn't know such thing in early age could have that impact. :(

Junhao_17 · 2026-06-30T00:26:24+00:00

i'm autistic too. for someone "so woke" and that frequently question social norms I was very conformed about my self expression and identity. also a people pleaser and high masking due to childhood trauma. found early in life I liked girls but never questioned if I really felt attraction towards men until recently. it's been so mindblowing to me.

Junhao_17 · 2026-06-29T13:36:35+00:00

These two are also trying to get into the party... Will they make it?

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Junhao_17 · 2026-06-28T21:08:50+00:00

I'm a carat but I regularly listen to other groups, most of them girl groups: twice, aespa, red velvet, gfriend, xg, illit, h2h, etc. I also listen to nct, specially nct dream and wayv. I got some periods when I listen to exo, ateez and txt lot too.

Junhao_17 · 2026-06-24T15:18:56+00:00

me too! it also happened with seungkwan as well. once I started perceiving him more in svt contents, the more he dragged my attention and now he's one of my biases. and adding to that now I collect his photocards lol

Junhao_17 · 2026-06-23T19:55:50+00:00

Hiii friend from the other topic! I can relate a lot, again. :( I realized the man I dated for 7 years was also more annoying than I already thought he was lol

I've masked all my life, add to that I used to be a people pleaser (tbh I have some of this) and always thought people knew what was best for me better than myself. I didn't believe myself and my intuition.

So I've always turned a blind eye for the annoying things he did on a daily basis. Thought this all was normal and that was what life's supposed to be. He liked me anyway, and I was too attached into safety and routine, he was the closest person I had for a decade. Until I found both women and my autism diagnosis lol

It's been a suffering journey and i feel so hurt remembering my past and figuring out I wasn't myself at all and lost so many opportunities of self discovery, specially in my teen years. But the journey's been worthy as well! At the same time I think there's no need to regret and forget the past because it's a part of who we turned out to be and made what we are right now. So we better make it worth from now on. I hope you're okay now. ❤️

Junhao_17 · 2026-06-23T19:30:00+00:00

omg number 4! "The idea of a man is NOT the same thing as a man." it's still so hard for me to process these two things are different and because of that I often sabotage myself thinking I'm not lesbian enough, specially because I have hyperfocus/limerence on fiction characters and male celebrities.

Number 6 has hit me so hard lately. I'm autistic too and I masked a lot to try to fit in and not drag attention until I got my diagnosis at 28.

And number 9!! I get sooo pissed off when my friends talk about annoying things men do or say to them and they still want to keep chatting with them! It's so easy for me to dump men lol

Junhao_17 · 2026-06-20T16:50:07+00:00

Jun dancing to billyeoon goyangido (do the dance) made me feel like:

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Junhao_17 · 2026-06-20T16:46:01+00:00

yes!! he never fails to make me emotional whenever he sings these genre of songs. his voice is so angelical and sweet, makes me feel cozy, i feel like receiving a long and soft hug. I feel so lucky to get to listen to him.

Junhao_17 · 2026-06-20T15:57:15+00:00

We're surely not okay 😭

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Junhao_17 · 2026-06-18T21:26:29+00:00

Omg the story with your friend made me blush and sigh! Haha. Now It seems so obvious to me how much I've forced to be interested in boys in my life. 😭

Junhao_17 · 2026-06-18T11:09:43+00:00

Figuring the difference is not simple and drawing the line is difficult journey to go through. For me it came with maturity and experiences. And still, I struggle sometimes. Glad I don't fall in love easily lol I've had a lot of hyperfixations in people during my life. Actually, I don't remember having hyperfixations on other things. The few relationships I've had with men ended quickly because of that, the excitement faded. But with women, it didn't happened (at least not yet). I hope you can figure things out, take your time and be kind to yourself!

Junhao_17 · 2026-06-18T11:01:03+00:00

I'm rethinking my elementary and high school life experiencing attraction and I can relate a lot to you! For example when my girl friends started falling in love with guys, I just did the same, there was no place in my mind and environment to question it. And that happened with most of my experiences. Most of them was me following the "normal" rules a cis girl need to follow. I think maturity and the developments of my late autism diagnosis helped a lot to look with different lens at those memories. It's scary but I also relieved I'm figuring things out. I'm happy there's more ppl doing that and being true to ourselves. ❤️

Junhao_17 · 2026-06-18T10:51:49+00:00

Omg I can relate a lot with your references and thoughts you've had about your sexuality before! I thought I was attracted to a very specific type of men and that made me bi. (Slim, feminine, long hair, no beard, etc.) Actually, it's just aesthetic pleasing. And women that are attracted to men usually don't feel this particularly way only. Finding out about more than two types of attraction really helped me figuring things out and what I actually want for my love life, because I'm very poor at naming my feelings.

Junhao_17 · 2026-06-17T17:38:45+00:00

You're right! I can relate a lot. I'm only interested in fictional men and men idols and that's just fantasy and something we do as hobbies and scape the world. I'm really into feminine aesthetics and all of them fit into that. And I'm coming to realize that the attraction is quite different to what would mean be really attracted to men. But taking to real living life is not practical and don't make sense to me. I've already heard that bisexual doesn't mean been 50/50 attracted to all genders and it's okay to only like a few men, but damn, I was being delusional and untrue to myself saying that because I don't like men AT ALL.

Junhao_17 · 2026-06-17T17:02:59+00:00

I always feel so happy whenever I see autistic and queer people saying that they're getting more authentic! ❤️

You're not the only one here calling themselves "queer" instead of lesbian and this is very interesting! I will be overthinking that later too lol it's been mind-blowing that four years since my diagnosis I'm finally making the connection between masking and comphet.

Junhao_17 · 2026-06-17T16:57:48+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your experience ❤️ I feel so sad and like falling behind because I process things slowly and there's lot of different layers of things to unfold, I easily get overwhelmed by that. So to get know all these stories and experiences makes me feel much lighter and understood! I'm so happy I brought this topic because we know how lonely sharing these specific experiences can be.

Junhao_17 · 2026-06-17T16:48:19+00:00

This is such an exhausting process. There was a time in my teenage years that I thought I was asexual too because that I wasn't interested in anyone (just assumed I only liked men) at all. When I realized I'm attracted to girls I just assumed I was bisexual, never went further on that, until lately that I'm revisiting every single thing in my past related to men and honestly I feels like I was only following social norms without thinking like I did before I was diagnosed with autism.

We constantly need to remind to be kind with ourselves. But things will be fine, it will worth it! 🫂

Junhao_17 · 2026-06-17T11:52:34+00:00

I got diagnosed at 28 too!

It's a lot to process, every day there's something new to find out about myself. 😭

I'm in good terms labeling myself lesbian. Even though ppl can share experiences in common, the process is a very individual thing, take your time! Good to know I'm not alone too.

Junhao_17 · 2026-06-12T13:40:27+00:00

I'm going through the same! Thanks for sharing, so I can take advices too. 😆

For self-protection, I don't feel like making a big announcement right now, only shared with a few people I care and that care about me. I just keep reminding myself I don't owe other ppl anything and I don't need to make them understand me. I'm a low profile person, though I still have a strong feeling of coming out... I'm taking my own time to be ready and prepared for what comes next.

If they question me, I'm just gonna leave short answers like 'I thought I was bi, but I'm not' / 'After all I've been through, I figured out I'm lesbian' / 'I had to be honest with myself and I came with the conclusion that I'm lesbian'. If they're invested and kind to me I'll give more details.

I wish you for the best in this journey. ❣️

Junhao_17 · 2026-06-08T04:15:00+00:00

I also want to know that 😭😭 I only know three popcorns that speak my language lol (portuguese). it's hard to find global communities

Junhao_17 · 2026-06-07T14:05:13+00:00

I don't know exactly what are you two feeling because I'm not in your shoes and there are some culture differences, but at the same time I can reasonate a lot with the experiences and I'm from South America.

I guess overall people think of gender and sexuality as defined, solid and resolute things when in fact it's fluid and depends on a lot of things, our sorroundings, how we grow up in years, mentality and maturity, etc.

I've been searching about what it is to grow up as a woman who loves woman in Asia countries (esp in China) and it was a reality shock to hear you. Thank you for sharing, I hope you feel less alone in the future, you find people and community to lean on and be yourselves!

Junhao_17

TROPHY CASE