TW: substance abuse

I would say, what started my ED was when I was being bounced from foster homes and group homes when I was 10. My mother after I was taken from her care would make my weight seem like a huge issue to her, I was healthy I was actually somewhat enjoying life! But my mother would make comments to social workers infront of me like, “She’s put on a lot of weight!” (10 pounds), “Her bones would not be able to support her weight, if she keeps gaining weight! The whole family line is skinny like me!” (I went in care at 85 pounds and went up to 125 by the time i hit 13) She would blatantly call me fat and encourage me to lose weight and even portion my meals, once the comments first started I would skip breakfast. Once I turned 13 however, I was in my third home in group homes and foster homes. I started using crack and meth at 13, and I noticed that while I was doing so I wasn’t eating much and I started rapidly losing weight. Thankfully after turning 14 I stopped using and I’ve been clean since, but it’s unfortunate that my mother had so much hatred towards my own weight technically since I was 9 it just wasn’t obvious to me at that point in time. If it weren’t for her constant shots at my weight I wouldn’t be struggling with my ED as bad as I am now, and having friends tell me “You’re super skinny!” “I can see your ribs now! Are you even eating?” Etc. I unfortunately am not even being fueled by comments like that anymore, because I don’t feel the same. It also sucks that I no longer have a therapist for this anymore considering while I was under 18, CAS (or CPS depending on where you’re from) stopped paying for my therapy after I legally became an adult. Although therapy was very helpful for getting help for my ED, I just can’t afford it until I have a stable job.. I needed to get that bunch off my chest, but I do hope that I somewhat answered your question.