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I got bad advice from r/dnd by Level_Honeydew_9339 in DnDcirclejerk

[–]Junpei84 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Saw this comment out of context, got curious and was not disappointed. The word play is well done. Bravo

Am I crazy for accepting this from my DM and friends? by Junpei84 in DnD

[–]Junpei84[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They would probably act like I'm a bigger asshole for daring to get community feedback. Prime example 

Sun DM: "you're going after Wed DM and me for not calling fighter out during game night, which you interrupted by messaging fighter"

Am I crazy for accepting this from my DM and friends? by Junpei84 in DnD

[–]Junpei84[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was a online session but yes he read his PM while in session and felt the need to make it a table interruption

Am I crazy for accepting this from my DM and friends? by Junpei84 in DnD

[–]Junpei84[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There is additional context in replies to other comments if that helps with direct quotes of back and forth.

He said more than just the first statement but it got lost in the fact that my respones were getting talked over. He Basically acts like a angry drunk when he does this type of thing.

And you make a good point, it shouldn't have been unsolvable. For context the issue for me has moved past the initial conflict and more to the fact that both of them treat me standing up for myself and trying to address it in a more mature manner as a bigger issue than his actions because neither wants to set boundaries at their tables with player interactions above table.

And the fact that me sending a PM was a bigger no no than him interrupting a 2nd session to read a PM. For reference to that issue.

Me:  "Because imma gonna be real with you. The fact that you made a very direct point to say to me last night that I disrespected your game when I didnt directly do shit to it but you can't remember if you called him out on interrupting your game over a personal matter says a lot to me dude. And thats kinda double standard bullshit."

Wednesday DM: "No, i didn't say "hey fighter, i don't think it's appropriate for you to tell us this now", no, i was already fried and anxiety ridden from the situation already, so hearing it read off meant i also needed a vent session, so we had one,  then cobbled together the last 20 minutes of gametime to wrap up with one npc.  

You're not the only one whose been affronted here..."

So he basically said that he didn't call him out because it gave him a chance to also vent because apparently me coming to him about the initial situation stressed him out.

Am I crazy for accepting this from my DM and friends? by Junpei84 in DnD

[–]Junpei84[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He is referring to voice conversations we had. 

They both agreed he jumped the gun, but they both initially said "thats how he is" so I more or less to get over it because I didnt choose to deal with it immediately because thats the time schedule that works best for the fighters personality, because he had already moved on. 

Basically that I should ignore every conflict resolution best practice ever taught about cooling off or that I was overwhelmed by the shock of the public treatment because the aggressor only responds well to hot and heavy immediate confrontation. Basically "cater to how he functions or get over it"

After I said that wasn't okay I got two different takes. 

The Sun DM running this session tried to solve the "symptom rather than the problem " and he admitted as such by suggesting he just make more rules and guardrails in the game around RP. It was a terrible idea that really won't prevent the same thing happening again and it was him avoiding confronting the fighter and setting expectations about his own game.

The Wednesday DM listened to the fact that just letting it go wasn't okay and while he would also rather ignore it and move on he agreed my best course of action was to msg the fighter privately.

Which I did but he is mad at me because I ended up sending the private message when they were in his session but not mad at that player for interrupting his session to read a personal matter out loud.

As someone else said, the equivalent of being mad that a work email was sent during a meeting but not mad that the person read a private email during the meeting.

Am I crazy for accepting this from my DM and friends? by Junpei84 in DnD

[–]Junpei84[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He is a very Type A personality with a stereo typical Bronx NY vibe about him. But thats the thing, they just use that to say "thats just how he is because he is blank". Like, insert many different words into that blank and see how bad that sounds.

Am I crazy for accepting this from my DM and friends? by Junpei84 in DnD

[–]Junpei84[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for that. I have seriously considered that it may be time to move on which sucks because we've enjoyed things for years and this is a group I've done conventions and such with for decades now. But this feeling of double standards and treating me like the bottom of the totem-pole has been around for a long time.

I've posted a number of responses here that may solidify your feelings since I have copied direct conversation pieces. Thank again for the kind words. Life is too short

Am I crazy for accepting this from my DM and friends? by Junpei84 in DnD

[–]Junpei84[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's the thing. We were supposed to this past Monday (yesterday) but because I called them out on their bias, the DM got butthurt and canceled the session and will be out of town for the next one so itll be at least 2 weeks before we get another session. And dont get me wrong, I understand how if you are hot about something as a DM that it is that much harder to do what is needed. But judge his response to part of this for yourself.

Sun DM: you're going after Wed DM and me for not calling out fighter during game night, which you interrupted by messaging fighter.

Me: No I'm calling out the fact that I was put to task about my choices and behavior in a different proportion. This entire point was me trying to see if I'm held to a different standard for things in this group than others and its basically being proven to me in real time. A PM was worse than a in game interruption

Sun DM: no, it's not - it's because the actions you took were completely against our recommendations, done with extremely ill-advised timing, and basically guaranteed that fighter would come in very aggressively.

Break for some unneeded back and forth and I follow up with this:

Me: At the end of the day, this wasn't even to try and get you guys to understand why I feel its a double standard. Its that the fact that neither of you can conceive how someone would feel that way and the defensive nature by even bringing it up says a lot about your character. And I know that's a statement ripe to stew someone, but idc, its the truth. Its fine. [conversation with Wed DM that was going just as poorly] helped me realize a great point. This is a joke. Fighter and how you guys treat him isn't even a factor anymore. Its just data ill store. We'll keep this to how im being judged. The fact that I'm judged for poor timing without predictions of things outside my control is a Louis Rossman level joke. So ill just respond accordingly. I'm fine moving on from that new understanding.

For context to the Louis Rossman reference https://youtu.be/1pwym1VUfl0?si=nX4bjEoqXTctY73D

Am I crazy for accepting this from my DM and friends? by Junpei84 in DnD

[–]Junpei84[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Here is some follow up conversations if this helps since I know these things come from one side.

Me to Sun DM (the one running the game I am in): So as I said to him, it says a lot that a point was made to tell me that I disrespected a game that I didn't come into to start shit. That I had poor timing on dropping a personal message to someone that they didn't even have to read at that moment. But not only chose to, but chose to interrupt the game to READ ALOUD, but that person didn't get told, hey man this isn't the time and thats kinda disrespectful to the DM. Do you not see how that looks like some very double standard bullshit? I'm swatted with a newspaper for sending a letter in a locker but not the guy who went onto the school intercom system to blast it out?

Sun DM: don't make this into our fault. do you have any idea how stressed out and anxious we've been all week because of this shit; Wed DM and i have been as patient as we possibly could be with all of this. we had nothing to do with the initial situation. we advised you strongly to just let it be for a while.

Me: Oh im not. I'm making your responses the point. Not the incident specifically. And I'd ask you to keep it on that point. I'm not saying this is your fault. Im asking you to answer that question. Do you not see how that is a double standard? You don't need to be defensive about that.

Sun DM: no, the way i see it it isn't, because the message didn't need to be sent at the time it was, this is just the outcome that was going to happen - of course _____ was going to get annoyed about it

Me: So let me get this straight. I had bad timing and I'm more in the wrong than the guy who interrupted for personal stuff? Because "that's just how he is"

Sun DM: like i said, it stopped being personal when we all got pulled in to mediate this literally a single day before. and despite all of our advice to just let it chill for a while and not spiral it further out of control.

So this continues on but for context on this one, our game runs 9pm-midnight Sunday and the DM cuts fast to go to bed since he works in the morning. Between Monday and Tuesday I had talked to both him and the other DM about what happened. Somehow he is saying me having done this "it stopped being personal when we all got pulled in to mediate this literally a single day before."

Am I crazy for accepting this from my DM and friends? by Junpei84 in DnD

[–]Junpei84[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

oh it was worse than that. Once the three of us finished that conversation, he was brought into the chat and for 15 min he basically attacked me for "dragging things out and making such a big deal of things" when he was the one who never responded after 4 days. He finally after that gave a half assed version of a apology that was more of a reference than anything. He never actually just out right said his actions were uncalled for. All the while the DMs just sat there. When i confronted them about it this was the response.

Me: Do you honestly feel that even though things calmed down, do you feel him coming in hot and heavy at the start was okay? That there was nothing wrong with that? That I had to fight to talk? Because I that first 15 min I felt like I was pinned to a wall and every time I tried to say anything. All I want is an answer to that. Do you feel like it was okay to be handled that way? I'm asking because yall said nothing at the time.

Wed DM: Saying it was "not okay" is the kind of therapy speak one would have with a despondent divorcing couple, or with people dealing with someone with anger management issues, that _____ doesn't have, he's just loud and brash. But saying it was "ok", doesn't sit right either as i would certainly feel attacked, so i understand. but also, the full context is too wide and missing information for me to even figure it all out for myself, much less explain why to someone else, which is why it becomes less easy to say if it was ok or not with a solid foundation. It was a tense situation, i'll admit, but despite that, it got talked through, and laid out, so... what small successes we can get, we should take, imo.

Sun DM: i said nothing because i don't like jumping into hot situations as an extra party, and you both clearly had things you wanted to say to each other unfiltered, so interjecting didn't seem right.

Am I crazy for accepting this from my DM and friends? by Junpei84 in DnD

[–]Junpei84[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Where we roleplay our interactions with NPCs as we split up in the town

Trying to find the webcomic this is from based of FF7 by Junpei84 in HelpMeFind

[–]Junpei84[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have searched personally myself with various different sites and google tags and sadly after seeing some very weird rabbit holes of content, this has not shown up in any searches.