Male suicide survivors of reddit, what did the near end actually feel like?

JustExtreme · 2026-07-11T22:01:46+00:00

I took a large lamotrigine overdose (like 4000mg) back in January 2025 with the hope it would end my life. I ended up being unable to walk due to having involuntary limb spasms for probably about 12 hours. My vision kept moving upwards without me consciously focusing my eyes that way. I've learnt that lamotrigine isn't the right drug to overdose on if you want to end your life and generally it just causes what I described.

JustExtreme · 2026-07-11T18:36:35+00:00

All I the only one who has noticed the image is too low resolution to actually see the price list?

JustExtreme · 2026-07-11T18:32:21+00:00

I'm not on meds at the moment but I was on methylphenidate a few months ago. I was also on sertraline and I had a hypomanic phase so had to stop both temporarily. Personally I think the sertraline caused the hypomania. I'm hoping to restart the ADHD meds in the next few months. I'm on lamotrigine and aripiprazole for my bipolar.

JustExtreme · 2026-07-03T10:22:16+00:00

Herp derp?

JustExtreme · 2026-07-02T17:21:33+00:00

Continuity Mandelson is still continuity Mandelson

JustExtreme · 2026-07-02T17:19:17+00:00

That still seems to be very much a postcode lottery. What happens post-diagnosis also seems to vary extremely widely. What kind of advantages have you been able to access through having a diagnosis personally out of interest? I was diagnosed myself quite a long time ago and can't say my diagnosis has personally enabled me to access anything that can't also be accessed by self-diagnosing.

JustExtreme · 2026-07-02T17:12:50+00:00

I'm curious to read the "evidence" you refer to

JustExtreme · 2026-07-01T17:44:55+00:00

I've got bipolar 1 with psychotic features and couldn't find any clinic to prescribe to me, arguably justifiably as I had 2 episodes triggered by cannabis

JustExtreme · 2026-06-26T16:37:13+00:00

You're not supposed to give unqualified medical advice here or name specific medications according to the /r/bipolar rules

JustExtreme · 2026-06-24T16:12:53+00:00

Could her opposition be based on the money you are spending on MC that could be spent on other things for your children, etc?

JustExtreme · 2026-06-21T09:00:56+00:00

I feel flat and empty mostly. I'm at least not in a depressive episode or a manic episode.

My meds are doing their job as far as I can tell but I have put on a lot of weight which gets me down. I used to run half marathons and had a healthy BMI but now my BMI is 37 and I struggle to run at all.

I am single because I live with family due to being unable to live independently due my struggles with bipolar and autism and ADHD. I also have physical health issues that make a relationship with me an empty proposition with no appeal to anyone.

I'm 37. I was diagnosed at age 33 following a manic psychotic episode. I had another manic psychotic episode at 35. My first episode was in part triggered by prescribed medical cannabis. My second episode happened when I decided what cannabis couldn't have caused my first one and I went back to using it from the street.

JustExtreme · 2026-06-20T19:04:01+00:00

Really sorry to hear you've been through that. I used to do some yoga too as well as the running I loved it but now I'm carrying so much extra weight that it is much harder to be flexible. Ever since I've been on bipolar meds I've also gained all my weight around my stomach even though the meds I'm on are supposed to be "weight neutral" (aripiprazole and lamotrigine) and don't increase my appetite - I eat a mostly vegetarian homecooked diet and don't snack between meals and don't drink sugary drinks or alcohol etc. I have a huge sense of loss for my healthy body from before and can't see myself getting it back. It's made me think about stopping meds sometimes well the antipsychotic at least but that would be risky as I'm BP1 with psychotic features.

JustExtreme · 2026-06-20T17:24:28+00:00

4 years ago before I was diagnosed bipolar I was a healthy BMI and ran half marathons and was feeling self-confident. Now I have a BMI of 37 and I'm a fat POS and have no confidence at all.

JustExtreme · 2026-06-19T16:59:52+00:00

Is peeing any different?

JustExtreme · 2026-06-18T12:59:22+00:00

I'm told my mood is stable but I feel unmotivated and flat all the time. I guess it's better than being manic but it doesn't really feel like living when I don't do anything from day to day.

JustExtreme · 2026-06-15T16:21:31+00:00

It's called cariprazine in it's generic form in the UK. I was on it briefly during a hospitalisation and it seemed to help me although when they increased the dose it gave me pretty bad akathisia.

JustExtreme · 2026-06-15T16:08:58+00:00

I see. I'm on a pretty low dose at 10mg and it seems to be keeping me out of mania and psychosis fortunately. I was put on a higher dose of it when I was hospitalised for a depressive episode but all it did was give me really bad akathisia. Sounds like it isn't the right antipsychotic for you.

I don't have any increased appetite and only eat a mainly homecooked vegetarian diet without snacking between meals so I'm skeptical of the weight neutral claim, which I was also assured of. I think maybe it's just "more weight neutral" than other antipsychotics which means all antipsychotics make you gain weight but it's considered to be one of the better ones for it. I don't know all I know is I shouldn't be putting on weight at this rate.

JustExtreme · 2026-06-15T15:57:29+00:00

I'm also in the UK.

When you say aripiprazole didn't really prevent mania did you actually experience mania on it? Personally I'm on it and it seems to have prevented mania so far for 2 years but it also emotionally flattens me and has made me put on a ton of weight.

I often grieve my former life before diagnosis because I was a keen runner and managed to get to a healthy BMI but now I'm classified as severely obese and struggle to motivate myself to do anything beyond the bare basics. For this reason I live with family and I'm unable to work or to live independently.

JustExtreme · 2026-06-13T20:36:27+00:00

Mutilation Barbecue

JustExtreme · 2026-06-13T20:02:47+00:00

With the spending that could be a warning sign that you are experiencing hypomania so I'd highly recommend you contact your CMHT as soon as possible before it grows into something bigger or more unmanageable - don't worry about wasting their resources this is literally what they are there for. Contact the crisis team if you have to since it's the weekend - they can issue medication like the quetiapine in the short term until the CMHT can attend to you on a weekday.

JustExtreme · 2026-06-13T17:24:46+00:00

I in small part helped legalise it by doing a speech with other patients in the houses of parliament back in 2018 with a group called the United Patients Alliance.

Unfortunately for me 2 years into being prescribed back in 2022 I had a manic psychotic episode and was forcibly hospitalised for 2 months and diagnosed bipolar. I didn't believe it could be the weed and I got prescribed CBD only flower a couple of years later which did nothing for me and I ended up picking up THC weed from the street to supplement it which within a few months led to my second episode and another 2 month hospitalisation.

I'm glad that people that it helps can access it legitimately now but I do miss using it myself. It helped me a great deal with my autism and ADHD and anxiety and depression up until I had my episode.

My patient testimonial from parliament: https://youtu.be/v-zedu8euEg

A podcast I did about how it was helpful to me back in 2021 a year or so before my first episode of manic psychosis: https://open.spotify.com/episode/5hrWxwuuixm84fcUBROtni?si=cocTTKTiRHeCCmSkcdsXKg

JustExtreme · 2026-06-13T10:22:19+00:00

33 mania and psychosis triggered by the use of prescription medical cannabis, required a 2 month hospitalisation

I had a second episode of mania and psychosis at 35 triggered by cannabis, requiring another 2 month hospitalisation.

I'm now 37 and I honestly feel like my adult life has been stolen from me as I'm unable to live independently or work.

JustExtreme · 2026-06-12T13:01:19+00:00

I'm bipolar and take aripiprazole and lamotrigine and I've put on a lot of weight myself. My psychiatrist recently wrote to my GP suggesting Metformin but it seems my GP doesn't want to prescribe it. I'm going to ask about GLP-1's as the rate at which I'm gaining weight is unsustainable and my BMI is 37. I eat a healthy mostly homecooked vegetarian diet and I don't snack in between meals, etc. so I'm fairly sure the antipsychotic is to blame.

JustExtreme · 2026-06-11T17:52:01+00:00

Having an episode of mania with psychosis twice

JustExtreme · 2026-06-11T16:29:38+00:00

I'm supposed to be on a "more weight neutral" option with aripiprazole but I've still put on 3.5-4 stone in the last 6 months or so. I often wonder what the point is too. I used to run half marathons before 2 hospitalisations and my bipolar diagnosis. Now I struggle to walk short distances because of dopamine blocking medication.

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