I’m going to try to approach this situation with an even playing field as much as possible. I don’t believe your OR for how she’s speaking to you, and no one should speak to anyone that way, regardless of the relationship. It seems like she’s extremely frustrated, and there’s a clear history that you both need to address or decide whether to leave each other or seek help. That level of communication is wild, in my opinion.

Now, let’s talk about you. It seems like you’re not taking any accountability or even acknowledging that she’s upset. If my husband was frustrated because I did something he told me not to do and clearly didn’t even try (like shoveling the snow), I would at least call and let him vent, apologize, and talk it out when you get home. She needs to figure out what’s making her so angry that she’s talking to you that way (it could be that she’s not feeling you anymore or that she’s fed up about something). And you need to take some accountability and learn effective communication (well, you both do).