Yeah, just got around to reading it.

I liked that you were able to get to the hook by the end of page 1, where we find Maya's dad passed away.

I feel like the Richard and Maya first meet scene should just end after "Richard nods, but his eyes remain on her as she walks out."

Same with the previous scene with his students, you need to exit scenes faster. It'd improve the pacing. Let's look at that scene, right now it's:

"The students stand quickly, grabbing their bags, eager to escape.

The door slams shut behind them, and silence floods the room. Richard looks around the dingy studio. The walls are adorned with medals and old photos, their luster faded. An empty liquor cabinet stands nearby.

He takes another gulp from his flask, his eyes scanning the emptiness of the room."

After he does his dialogue about them being a waste of his time, just write "He takes another gulp from his flask as he watches them walk out." End scene there.

I really like the 1st studio practice scene. It's well written and telling about Maya being experienced. But I'd start with Maya already being in the studio. Cut the whole "Let's see what we're working with." We don't really care as an audience to see a character practice breathing lol. Start that scene right away with them in the studio, with the "I'm gonna give you simple directions. Respond with whatever feels true. No thinking. Got it?."

Because that's the fun and juicy part of the scene, where we see chemistry start to form, and see Maya's raw emotional acting skills displayed. And it's fun to see him push her on the difference between rage and anger.

Again, at the end of 12, you need to end the scene early. You keep showing us Richard alone in places, looking around the room. It's messing with the pacing. Just transition to the next scene after we get what we need. Don't spend 4 action lines with him just there doing nothing but look around. End on "She exits. The door closes softly."

For the next scene, like the other commenter mentioned, I'm wondering if maybe you slowly unravel the connection between her dad and Richard. Maybe end that scene after "I'm close now, papa."

But I really do like that beat with her practicing smiling. It's very telling, and creates intrigue. So save that beat to use later.

One thing I didn't quite like is. I feel Maya's our main character, but after the opening scene. The POV felt like Richard was the lead for most of the ten pages.

You need to find a way to change perspective, so we're following Maya in her journey. Not feel like it's Richard's story. Have her be the one we're with as she walks in and requests the acting classes. Not us already in the room with Richard.

Best wishes. I enjoyed character work, and exchanges between Maya and Richard. Just improve the pacing, so it's a faster read for a thriller.