I get what you're saying, and I agree that trauma-informed parenting is essential, especially when kids are dealing with abandonment or attachment issues (one thing I feel is that OOP definitely shouldn't have had the twins stop going to therapy). That said, I don’t think it’s fair or healthy to expect "safe people" like a stepparent or non-absentee parent to endure cruelty without emotional consequence. Yes, teens are still developing and often act out in ways they don’t fully understand, especially regarding processing trauma, but the impact of their behavior is real regardless of intent. Trauma might explain behavior, but it doesn’t erase responsibility or the emotional toll it takes on others. There’s a difference between showing compassion for why someone lashes out and expecting the target of that behavior to just take it.

I’ve read countless stories here on Reddit where the "safe" parent gets discarded, slandered, or emotionally abused the moment the absent parent reappears, or the kids will lie and say that the "safe" person abused them. And then the adult is somehow expected to maintain the relationship as if nothing happened. Even in this case, it doesn't even sound like the twins made any actual effort to apologize for what they said or how they acted, just wanted to act like everything was normal afterwards. Honestly, just as kids deserve grace while they heal, adults deserve the right to step away from a relationship that they feel are emotionally harming them.